How the Mighty Fall (in Love)
by Freekiellie
Summary: Love isn't easy, especially when the world you live in feels like hell. Love definitely isn't easy, when you're a guy who doesn't love. Love is never easy. But does that make it impossible? LevixOC... Even the strongest can fall. T for mild swearing as we know what Levi's like ;)
1. NAMELESS FLOWERS 1

**AN: So, in this fanfiction they have watches... It just makes things simpler. I know the technology in the world of snk isn't that developed, but they have watches here. Sorry ;) This is the first fanfiction I've published in AGES. Don't expect much!**

**Background on Lena for those who need a visual image- 20 years old, dark brown eyes and light brown hair. Just finished her three years training. Slightly shorter than Levi. Almost always has her hair tied up.**

Wearily, I watched the leaves skip across the grass and skitter past me. The wind tugged at my hair which was tightly knotted into ponytail, and further trapped into a bun held by a butterfly clip... no chance, wind. I'm a soldier; my hair is just as tamed as my body.

This made me chuckle. I lay back onto nature's soft pillow and let the blades of grass tickle my ear. I had to rest my head on its side to avoid knocking the clip on the back of my head. I chose to look towards the left, watching the birds soar at eye level. It's not often that the birds are flying at the same height that you're laying. I was atop a hill that looked down onto the terrifying structure they call the HQ. Just the sight of its huge walls with green ivy scrambling up the stones makes me feel weary. The HQ was on my right, hidden away into the dip of a valley. I was looking off towards the left where no towering walls could block my vision of the endless fields and trees surrounding us.

Peace.

Footsteps.

I sat up quickly to see who was approaching. A silhouette of a short man, no taller than me, was walking up the slope as though he was just doing his morning walk to the canteen... Bearing in mind that the walk to the canteen doesn't involve a practically vertical slope. He hopped from rock to rock, following almost exactly the same route I had to the top. He'd clearly done this many times before- like me. His eyes became clearer and suddenly shot in my direction. The man paused and took in my figure on the hill top.

"Oi neewbie." He said, his voice reverberating like soft thunder. "Shouldn't you be at the passing out party?" I paused before replying, watching as the sunlight peeked out from behind a cloud and illuminated his sharp features. He was watching me with stern eyes, yet he didn't seem angry.

"I didn't realise it was compulsory...sir?"

"Corporal." The man corrected. I nodded.

"I didn't realise it was compulsory, corporal."

"It isn't." He shrugged and began walking back over to me. "Not interested in partying, then?" I shook my head.

"I don't like loud places... Or loud people." I added. To my surprise, he walked past me and sat on the edge of the hilltop beside me. Now that his back was turned to me, I could see the triangular figure of his back; strong shoulders and narrow hips. A small man made to carry a huge responsibility. Suddenly, I was reminded of something.

"Forgive me for asking, but aren't you Levi heichou?" I asked, turning my body so it was more comfortable to talk to him and lifted my legs into a cross-legged position. He was silent.

"Depends when you're asking." he finally replied. I smiled; I think I understood him.

"What about now then?" I tilted my head to the side and watched the wind sweep through his hair. He took an age to answer again.

"Right now... I'm just Levi." He finally said, his shoulders dropping slightly as he relaxed.

"Well, Levi. I'm Lena. Lena Hertz." He didn't reply. He didn't need to. In that moment, we both understood each other. We had both looked for peace in a world where peace didn't seem to exist. We both just wanted to feel the wind's assurance sweep through us, to watch the birds soar like today was their last day to live. We both could let go of everything in those moments... in only those moments.

**NAMELESS FLOWERS**

**LEVI-**

I woke up. Just like everyday of my life that had passed before now. Still, the view from my window hadn't changed. The branches of the tree outside my window were bare, as Autumn's wrath began to suck the life out of nature; a parasite causing the disease of winter to hit.

I sighed and put on my uniform, then I cursed myself under my breath. This year, I'd decided I would quit sighing and huffing and puffing and snorting and all those other derogatory sounds that often escaped my lips when life hit me in the gut. It wasn't working. Nearly ten months into the year and I was still groaning and 'hn'ing.

I opened the window to let some air into my room, before shutting it two minutes later. I couldn't stand how the wind swept through and messed up the paperwork I had so carefully laid out on my desk. My room would have to keep that dank, musky smell for a while longer.

Knock, knock. "Heichou?" I rolled my eyes and almost groaned.

"If your name's Eren then fuck off." There was a silence.

Knock knock. "Heichou, sorry to bother you but-"

"What's your name?"

"... Eren, sir-"

"Then fuck off. My duties don't officially start until 9:00am and if you've wet the bed, I'm not going to clean it up."

"But sir-" I slammed the door open, revealing to the world my morning face. And if you hadn't guessed, I'm not a morning person. Think, no-control-over-my-Thantos-so-God-help-you... My death instinct has always been strong, but there's less controlling it in the morning.

"This better be worth it or I'll fry your titan ass and serve it to Hanji for lunch."

"C-commander Erwin wants to speak with you a-about today's duties..." I glanced at my watch.

"It's 7:30am. Breakfast is at 8 and my meeting with Erwin is usually at 9:00. What's the rush?"

"He just asked me to tell you, s-sorry." Eren practically bolted away.

I groaned.

Then I groaned for groaning. This was going to be another long day.

…

"I'm off to the inner walls today which is why I called you early, Levi." Erwin sipped on his morning tea, only serving to piss me off more. I'd had to skip most of my morning routine to get to his damn office for this shitty meeting. He better finish early too because it's 8:05 and the canteen shuts at 8:40. If I miss my breakfast I swear-

"I'd like you to take over for me today, Levi."

"Sure, I love paperwork." I rolled my eyes. Erwin set down his tea and folded his arms.

"No, not today. Today the new cadets are getting acquainted with the horses."

"Why's Jean speaking to them? He's barely out of nappies himself." Erwin just stared at me. His mouth twitched.

"There's also the matter of assigning rooms and teams."

"No problem. They can clean the shit holes while they're at it."

"Well, here's the list of what needs to be done. Get Hanji involved on some, too." I took the sheet and glanced over it. It was definitely going to be a long day.

"Enjoy the King's company," I remarked, standing up. Erwin raised a thick eyebrow.

"Any messages you want to pass on?" Wow, a joke. I wasn't expecting that.

"Yeah, tell him that I've got some special 3DMG gear with his name on it, specialised for fat arses. He'd make excellent titan food."

"I'll make sure I tell him that." Erwin almost smiled. Almost.

I left the room and made my way to the breakfast hall. 8:15. I could make it.

"LLEEEEVVIIIII!" Or not. Hanji smashed her way down the corridor. Physics seemed to change it's rules around this girl. She made a simple footstep reverberate louder than you would think possible for a woman of her stature. "Quick! Something happened to Eren!" I just glared at her.

"Can it wait?"

"NO! WE MAY HAVE JUST MADE A GROUND-BREAKING DISCOVERY!" She grabbed my arm and lunged off. Literally lunged. I found myself almost tripping as she yanked me down the corridor. Down the stairs. Out of the building.

"Where the hell are we going, shitty-glasses?"

"Here, he's here!" Her eyes gleamed at me as she pointed at Eren. Eren blinked in surprise.

"What?" I growled.

Eren stood on the patch of grass just outside the main entrance to the HQ. He held a knife in his hand and had Mikasa glowering over his shoulder. For a second, I regarded her, before turning back to Hanji.

"HE HEALED!" Hanji practically leapt about. She circled me, waiting to see my reaction.

"I think I'm missing several minutes worth of information here." I checked my watch. 8:25. I could still make it.

"He HEAALLLEEDD!" Hanji repeated. "IN THREE SECONDS. He cut himself with that knife when chopping a tomato and it HEALED IN THREE SECONDS. I was watching! Usually it takes more then seven seconds for a cut that wide and deep but-"

I switched off. Waiting for any further revelations, then realising I had just wasted precious time to be eating, I turned back to walk to the canteen before my world-renown Thantos was unleashed upon Hanji. Who says I can't control my temper?

"Heichou!" Oh you have got to be shitting me. "Heichou!" A man with cropped blonde hair skittered to a halt before me and saluted. _It's not even time for me to start my duties yet._ I thought.

"Heichou, one of the horses has gone mad! We can't get it back into the stable!"

"I'm not a fucking horse whisperer, do your own job while I get back to mine!"

"Sir, we really need some assistance!" I glared at him, wishing for real daggers to stab at his eyeballs.

"That canteen better stay open." I spat.

Following him to the horse stables, I was greeted by around ten men all trying to capture a horse bucking and running wildly. I hate disorganisation. Taking in the horse's stature, I saw that it was a relatively young horse. It had probably never even seen a titan yet. These horses were bred to run long distances and come back to their owner no matter what. Although, this one seemed to have ideas of it's own. I couldn't blame it.

I ordered the others to get back to work whilst I dealt with the problem. It wasn't particularly hard. You just have to show it who's boss instead of whistling at it for five hours. It whinnied in its stable and trotted restlessly. The horse was clearly very young and was small for its age. I glared at it, wondering how long it would take it to be broken.

"Is this horse safe to give to a new cadet?" I asked the stable officer. Some officer he was. For the entire epidemic, he sat on his fat arse and glowered at everyone. His belly almost punctured his shirt which was tucked into his trousers, strained to the point of transparency. When I turned to him, he spat out whatever was in his mouth and coughed (as though he had only three days to live by the sound of it).

"Should be. It wos fine until this mornin'. And if you can tame it, then it should settl' dahn."

"I don't like the amount of 'should's in that fuckin' sentence. Is it safe or not?" The man scratched his stubble and glared at me.

"Aye. It is." He finally responded.

"Good. If I hear of one of these fuckin' incidents again, you'll be in deeper shit than you can swim in. I don't like getting involved in shit that isn't my fuckin' job." Knowing he was probably raising two dainty fingers behind my back, I strode off.

8:40.

Someone is about to die.

**…**

**LENA-**

We waited, roughly lined up behind the HQ where we always met for the day's activities. Usually, our instructor was late. But now, we were no longer in training, fallen in with the rest of the scouting legion; to my surprise, the instructor for the day was bang on time. I even checked my watch to see it was exactly 9am.

My eyes widened briefly, before settling. It was Levi. I had not seen him since we first met upon the hilltop and his expression was definitely scarier... definitely more corporal-like. I guess the rumours were true then.

He climbed the small wooden stage where the instructor could be seen by all. Following him were a few other instructors and ranks. Everyone fell silent as he glared at us one by one.

"Existing scouting legion members, fuck off to your squads. Today you'll be training on the obstacle courses." No one moved, expecting a formal dismissal. Levi rolled his eyes and breathed out sharply. "NOW. Or shall I kick your asses there?!" People began to hastily move. The new cadets gave each other puzzled glances and shuffled together. I held back and kept my eyes trained on Levi.

"Right, brats. I'm in charge today. Erwin has left me a list of your squads, so we'll do that first. You will have ten minutes for your instructor to introduce himself..." Levi paused as a woman behind him coughed. She was the only woman there; glasses, red hair and a smirk hinting slightly more than eccentricity. "I'll take over Erwin's squad for today." I noticed he didn't change his words. "Rest assured, none of you brats will have made it into my team." His eyes danced along the members of the crowd once more, until finally they rested upon me. We shared eye contact as his glance paused. Neither of us smiled. Eventually, his gaze drifted off again and he turned to the woman who handed him a list, whilst pouting something to him. I caught the words 'titan' and 'three seconds', but Levi just 'tch'ed and faced us again.

He began reading out the names of people in different squads. My name came just before the middle. I was in Erwin's squad.

"If any of you brats are good enough, you might be moved into my squad. I hand-pick my members and I don't like crowds, so don't bet on it." Like anyone would want a sadist in charge. "We're promoting a new squad member who over Erwin's group. Squad leaders, you have ten minutes. Go." Immediately, everyone began to shuffle in different directions and the volume cautiously rose.

"Lena!" someone called. I span round. "We're both in Erwin's group." It was Guthrie Eisenberg. Behind him, followed Kurt Jung. I knew them relatively well. Guthrie was tall, fair haired and had a square jaw. He was built like a rugby player and as far as I knew, he was around when the titans first invaded. He had that same look as those who had seen hell; I saw it in Levi's eyes, Eren the titan's eyes, his friend Mikasa's eyes... and my own eyes. Kurt was the opposite. He was quite tall too, but he had brown hair that he repeatedly swept back off his face. He was a very cheerful guy and a great person to be around when you wanted cheering up.

Nodding in reply, I joined them to walk over to Levi. There was a clear height difference between the two lads and Levi, but Levi didn't seem to notice (or care). They stood just in front of him, towering over him like Wall Maria. When we had all gathered, around fifteen men and women hovered around Levi. Levi sniffed and wrinkled his nose.

"You all stink." There was an awkward pause as Levi stepped back before speaking again; this time he was louder. "I don't know how long Erwin is away. Until then, you have me. I'm corporal Levi. Not Levi. Never commander. Just call me heichou. If you forget that then prepare to have your throat cut out to remind you." His expression never changed while saying this. He folded his arms and glared at us again. "Any questions?"

Silence.

"Good because questions can only mean you weren't listening. Lesson one of life." And with that, he strode away and remounted the stage. Everyone fell silent again. "Your first job." His voice was husky and low; he didn't need to shout when people would listen to him without question. "It's an important job." Kurt glanced at me and Guthrie excitedly. "You will all be cleaning this shit hole from bottom to top and back to the bottom again. Your rooms will be assigned by your squad leaders. Every room on every floor must be spotless before you report to your squad leader. If your squad leader is happy, then report to me. The last to finish is put on cleaning duty for a week. The first to finish will have done it wrong, so do it again just in case."

I was beginning to learn just how messed up, yet so straight-forward Levi's logic was. Do as you're told and do it right. Or else.

**…**

Two hours later. The rooms on our squad's floor were practically sparkling. A fresh breeze swept the hallways and the bathrooms smelt nicer than they had probably ever been. But Guthrie was quivering; it was quite a sight. A man of his stature- quivering. We had all taken it in turns to tell Levi we had finished. Only myself, Guthrie and two others had not yet spoken to Levi. That meant we had failed his inspection eleven times. Now, it was Guthrie's turn to take the wrath of Levi. I was putting off our second private meeting as much as possible. Kurt had brought back horror stories from his experience with Levi a few cleans ago.

I patted Guthrie on the back as he composed himself behind Levi's door. Guthrie nodded and took a deep breath. He knocked and entered following an incomprehensible grunt from Levi. The rest of us dodged out of sight as the door opened and cautiously hovered whilst we waited. The door opened again; Levi and Guthrie exited. Levi yawned lethargically and we all followed him to our rooms.

The first room he came across was my room as it was the directly on the left hand side upon exiting the staircase. The first time he had entered this room after our first clean, he had said-

"Girl's rooms should be tidier than this." We all just looked at each other. How did he know? As far as we knew, we had been randomly allocated rooms. There was no clothes out either. No hints.

Just another one of Levi's strange traits.

This time, he just scanned the room. "Fine." he muttered, walking out to go to the next. I was expecting that; my room had been clean since the third time we had been rejected. He had pretty much said the same thing since then.

Minutes ticked by as he inspected room after room. In rooms he had previously inspected, he barely glanced at the walls. In rooms he had said were too dirty, he paid more attention. This time, we were drifting outside the second to last room. All good so far.

Levi strode inside. He paused and glanced around. Then, he glanced suddenly to the window. I watched as Levi made his way over to it, like a dog who had suddenly caught a whiff of a cat. "Oi." he grunted. Guthrie started and stumbled to his side. "Pull back that curtain." Guthrie did so. No doubt his heart was pounding frantically. Behind the curtain lay a small pile of dust that had collected on the windowsill and not fully been removed by the damp cloths we had wiped them with. "What the fuck's that?" Guthrie bit his lip and replied loudly.

"Dust, sir." There was a silence as Levi's eyes burned into Guthrie's. Sweat dripped down Guthrie's face.

"How many fuckin' times do I have to get you brats to clean this fuckin' place?!" His voice didn't raise, but suddenly became ten times more menacing. "Start again! You brats are fuckin' me off now. Useless pieces of crap." Levi stormed out.

When it was safe, everyone heaved a collective sigh. Luann kicked a table leg. "Kurt!" she yelled. Kurt frowned at her. "This was your job!"

"Your room was dirty too!" Kurt curled his lip, clearly disgusted that she would start placing the blame. He was right; we had all messed up. We were a team.

"Ours got passed. Your slip up just cost us more time!" Flicking her dark brown hair over one shoulder, Luann pointed one perfectly sculptured nail at Kurt. "You're holding us all back!" Guthrie stepped forward to stop the argument, but I got there before him.

Luann was from inside Wall Rose. She had desperately, desperately wanted to get into the Military Police, but was so shocking in her practical work that she missed out of the top ten... by quite a lot. I had gotten third place and decided to join the Scouting Legion. Luann was quick to blame and slow to do any work herself. Apparently, her family had been trying to get into the inner walls for years, without much luck. Clearly, they were terrified of the titans.

"Oi." I crossed the room over to Luann. "Cool it down." She snorted at me.

"Shut it, pig-girl." I ignored her comments.

"Levi is testing us. Getting us to do meaningless tasks over and over to perfection... the weakest will start to crumble first. Those who don't want to be here, will leave."

"Are you calling me weak, bitch?!" Luann snapped.

"Are you admitting that you're crumbling, then?" I retorted.

"I'm not! I'm the only one who actually did any work for the last million years that we've spent cleaning." There was a collective set of grunts as people were insulted by her cheek.

"Don't insult us. We're a team. We all worked on this."

"Oh, and of course you did_ so_ much." Luann rolled her eyes. "Pig-girl probably left more shit lying about than she cleaned up." My hand twitched. She was insulting the fact that I was a farmer's daughter.

"You're leaving even more shit; it just keeps rolling out your mouth." I immediately regretted having given in my pact to stay calm. I was trying to be nice... ah well. Luann seethed on the spot. Steam was practically rolling out of her ears.

"YOU LITTLE COW!" Before I could even blink, her hand had snapped up and slapped me. Hard. As in, my neck cracked with the force. I guess the training hadn't quite been wasted on her.

My hand flew to my face and Guthrie immediately intervened. He knew as much as I did that a fight between me and her would only end up with her in hospital... not to brag, but try getting a tiger and a mouse to fight. That was the difference in our strength.

Kurt came to my side and started muttering calming words to me, but there was no need. I wasn't going to retaliate. Luann stormed out of the room, followed by a few others.

We all went back to cleaning.

**…**

"Right. Prepare yourself, Lena." Guthrie rested both his spade-like hands on my shoulders. "Go in there and use your feminine charm to woo him into letting us off." I snorted.

"Kurt has more feminine charm than me." I laughed.

"I don't know what you mean." Kurt pouted and pushed his hair back. We all tittered. Luann was scowling a few metres away, whispering violently to one of her friends. I turned back to Levi's door and breathed in.

My turn.

Knock, kn-knock, kn-knock. "Levi heichou." A grunt followed which I translated as, _come in, brat. _I did so, closing the door behind me. It was just us two, alone in the wide expanse of his room. A bed lined one side of the room, fully taking up one wall along with a wardrobe. Opposite me and behind him was a window, curtains drawn back, revealing the top branches of a tree struggling towards the sky. Levi put down the paperwork he was filling in and looked up. His eyes glinted as they rested upon my swollen cheek.

"What happened there?" he nodded at it.

"I tripped and fell into a wardrobe whilst cleaning, sir." I lied. He regarded me, then smirked.

"Did that wardrobe have fingers?" I didn't know how to reply. "That red mark is strangely in the shape of a hand."

"Yeah, it had fingers. And an ugly face." Levi stared at my straight expression and his mouth twitched.

"You're Lena, right?" I nodded.

"Tell me, did this wardrobe have a problem with you, or the cleaning?"

"... Both. Most likely." He smirked again.

"I guess you want me to check the rooms again."

"Yes please, corporal." I nodded. He rose from his seat.

"It better be clean now." He added as he left the room.

"You have my word." I smiled back.

**A/N: I read, checked and edited this but it didn't save because my computer crashed -.-**

**Any errors, feel free to let me know :) Especially continuity errors. That's usually my weakness.**


	2. NAMELESS FLOWERS 2

True to my word, this time, we passed. Well, not so much "You've passed! Well done!", more like "That took way too long, little shits". During this time, we had been allowed to wait inside the canteen hall until the other groups finished. There were two groups to go. It was 12:26. We were only allowed to eat once we had finished, so I felt sorry for the remaining groups who had still not delved into the luxury of chicken sandwiches.

Thinking along those lines, I realised that Levi had probably not had any dinner... Not that I was bothered. He could probably get food whenever he wanted. However, that pile of paperwork he had been laboriously working though did leave me to question just how easy his life as a corporal was. Being burdened with the name 'Humanity's strongest soldier' probably spoke volumes.

I stood up silently, avoiding the attention of Guthrie and Kurt who were deep in chat. Making my way over to the food counter, I addressed the people on food duty.

"Excuse me, can I have a chicken sandwich prepared?" The guy turned upon hearing my voice.

"Ah?" He frowned. "You got one earlier." He tilted his head to one side and eyed me suspiciously. The guy was rather tall and had a long face. Like many people in the scouting legion, the hair on his head was much longer than the hair across his neck.

"I know." I tapped a fingernail onto the counter, wondering what the hell I was doing. "I was asked to bring it to one of the squad leaders since he's still cleaning."

"Tch." the man grumbled. "Ranks. Always getting special service. The new cadets are hungry too!" Despite this, he prepared me a sandwich. I took it and thanked him, before making my way upstairs.

The whole floor seemed to echo at me, noise in my ears ringing and questioning me; I was questioning myself. The stone walls radiated the cold causing the hairs on my arms to raise. I could smell the chicken teasing my senses from within the cold bread slices as I turned the corner.

Knock kn-knock kn-knock. "Levi heichou?" I muttered timidly. No answer. "L-Levi heichou?" I said again, raising my voice. No answer. Sighing a breath of relief, I opened the door. He wasn't there. He must be out checking someone's cleaning. I tiptoed inside and winced at the huge echo my footsteps made. "Be quick." I ordered myself. Usually, I'm so laid back that I'm horizontal. In my soldier report during training, my trainer said that there were only three speeds in my world- slow, stop and lightning fast 3DMG mode.

Right now, I needed lightning fast 3DMG mode... without the manoeuvre gear.

I placed the plate onto the desk, eyeing up the pile of paperwork curiously. There were plans for expeditions and permission grants from farmers for the legion to go through their land. You would have thought that people wouldn't need permission to save humanity. Supposedly, trespassing on land without a permit was against the laws of the capital. Ridiculous.

Then, something else caught my eye. Reports. Reports on soldiers. Right on top there was Luann's... "Don't." I chided myself. I slipped past the desk... and 'accidentally' nudged the sheet covering Luann's so that I could see her report. "No!" I covered it up again and forced myself to turn to the door.

Footsteps.

Holy shi-

**…**

**Levi-**

I knew something was wrong from the moment I entered the room. Apart from the obvious scent of chicken, I could feel a presence in the room. I entered as normal and shut the door behind me. Making my way over to my desk casually, I let my eyes dart about the room.

Behind the cupboard.

There was a shadow behind the cupboard, barely noticeable unless you had eyes like mine and a paranoia built from years of killing... like me. Deciding it wasn't a threat, I sat down at my desk and eyed the sandwich on it. Immediately, my body responded to the glorious smell my grumbling at me to devour it. Having not eaten breakfast, this seemed like a very good idea.

The shadow still had not moved. The person was wedged between the small gap between the far wall and the side of the wardrobe opposite me. I teased a bit of chicken from inside the bread and sucked on it, leaning forward onto my elbows to watch the shadow. The person wasn't exactly tall or well built, especially if they could fit into that gap. The objects on my desk hadn't moved... what did they want? Did they seriously just leave me a chicken sandwich on my desk?

Ugh. It better not be a stalker.

Licking my fingers two minutes later after finishing my stalker meal, I lethargically yawned and decided to have some fun with this intruder. No doubt they were already shitting themselves. Before I could get started, the door knocked. There was one group remaining who had not finished cleaning. It was a group fully compiled of pugnacious men who thought that cleaning was a woman's job. This would soon teach them not to be so laid-back. At first, they had said they were finished within ten minutes... It was an absolute pig-sty. Worse than Eren's cleaning.

I moved over to the door, taking care not to look in the intruder's direction. I opened it, and swiftly said-

"You fucktards, I can practically smell the dirt coming off you. Do it again!", before slamming it in their face and turning back to my desk... whilst catching a brief glance at the person stood in my room. It was a girl.

I walked back to my desk, making a careful effort to make it sound like I had sat down. Then, I turned on stealth-mode and silently trod back over to the wardrobe. Climbing one side, I pushed my way onto the top of the dust-free surface (thank you, myself) and peered over the top as my legs dangled over the other side. Lena Hertz was crouched in the corner, silently drumming her knuckles on her forehead in frustration. For a second, I was startled. I had not been expecting her, out of everyone. I leaned forward and grinned-

"Stalker." I whispered. She shot bolt upright and smashed her head on the wooden side in fright. Glancing up at me, her hand rested on her heart.

"L-Levi H-heichou!" She managed to mutter. I propelled myself backwards off of the wardrobe and landed on my feet. She crawled out of the gap and watched me carefully. "I... thought you might be hungry... so I... got you a sandwich... I knocked but then you weren't in so I tried to do it secretly but you came back and... I'm going to shut up and leave now." Lena stood quickly and made for the door. Just as her hand reached the door handle, I slammed a hand down onto the door to prevent it from opening and glared down at her, inches away from her face. She looked up at me with big brown eyes widened sharply.

"You came in so easily... but did you really think you'd be able to leave like that?" I smirked. I watched as she gulped, following the line of her neck changing. My eyes explored her face and noticed the sheen of sweat that had started to appear. I couldn't help but smirk even more; my smile widened by a few molars.

"Sit." I ordered, gesturing to the chair at my desk. Her eyes flicked to the chair and back to my face. They paused on my eyes and then danced between the chair and me again. After a few seconds, she did so. "What took you so fuckin' long to decide?" I grumbled.

"I was gauging if you were serious." Lena replied, sitting down on the hard seat. Glancing at her face, it seemed like she had calmed down. She rubbed the back of her head a little.

"Does it hurt?" I asked, moving another chair to the other side of the desk and leaning forward onto my elbows.

"No." She sat rigidly, clearly not keen on getting 'comfortable' any time soon. There was a silence as the only sound between us was the gentle breaths we took, chorusing with the wind outside crying for entrance past the glass window.

"The sandwich was nice." I mused. "I hadn't had time for breakfast." She watched me.

"I'm glad." … Yeah right. Her tone was so monotonous that I thought I was talking to a robot for a second. Sarcasm dripped off of her words thicker than syrup.

"Why did you hide?" The pressure in the room started to build. She blushed.

"Instinct." She replied, looking at the floor. I snorted.

"What are you, a squirrel?"

"A twat." She replied as her blush deepened further.

"You got that right. What type of a person goes into a senior rank's room to deliver a sandwich secretly, then hides like some crazed stalker behind a wardrobe?" She didn't reply. If I had thought she couldn't blush more, she just did. "You know, out of the thousands of troops who have been in the same situation as you, you're the first to make me a sandwich."

No reply.  
"And, enter my room."

Her right hand began to nervously rub her neck.

"And hide." I leaned back in my seat and crossed one leg over the other. "Does that make you one in a million?"

"If you're going to punish me, can you just get it over with?" Lena eventually spoke. Her eyes darted to meet mine, before looking down again.

"There's no punishment." I said. She looked up, shocked. "You were looking after a member of your team, even if I'm a temporary member. I can't punish someone for something like that." Her chocolatey brown eyes melted with relief. "However..." I added. "For entering a rank's room without permission you will have to do something for me." The chocolate hardened.

"...What?" She asked, nervously.

"I haven't decided yet." I shrugged. "You can leave now. I'm expecting a group of idiots to come knocking some time soon."

"...Thank you, corporal." She sniffed. Poor girl. She must feel so awkward... I have no sympathy.

**…**

"Right, you group of pigs." I yelled at the assembled new cadets after the cleaning was finally over. "It took you so long to do one damn task!" A few eyes glared at me. I glared back. "Next we move onto pairing you with your horses. We will split back into squads and meet with members of the stable workers who will pair you with your horse." People hovered nervously. "Go!" I shouted. Really, do I have to do this every time I give them an instruction?! Cadets ambled to their instructors. My group assembled like flies to shit.

Once they all had gathered, I turned and led them to the stables. Unfortunately, we had the man with more rolls stuffed under his shirt than a poor boy in a bakers. He was clearly just as chuffed to see me as I was to see him.

"Corporal." He nodded. I ignored him, moving out of the way to let him take over. From behind the group, I noticed something. Lena, who was stood so that her left side faced me, had a strange pallor on her face. Those warm, brown eyes of hers were hard and sharp. I followed her arm as it rubbed her neck nervously. Jeez. Could she possibly feel that awkward about earlier? Or was it the prospect of getting a horse? It was a big thing in the scouting legion. Horse= outer wall expeditions. No horse= no expeditions. She didn't strike me to be the type to be so terrified of her first expedition.

The fat, old pig yammered on about how to treat the horses and what not to do, like the new cadets hadn't already been over this thousands of times since they had joined. It was an important part of training; if your horse didn't like you, then no way was it going to come back when you need it. And if the horse didn't come to get you, a titan would.

The man made a big deal out of inspecting each cadet, before sending them to a stable number to meet their horse. We all knew there was no science to it, but he made it out like he was some kind of horse cupid. He came to Guthrie and noticed his bulk and size, sending him to the stable with one of the large male horses. Then, he came to Lena and sent her to one of the smaller, younger horses. I snorted (then cursed myself for snorting); I could have done that myself.

The rest of the team were allocated a horse, before being instructed to guide their horse to the centre training ground... basically, it was a big field with gates. Lena came up behind me, leading her horse. Her face was still pale and she was flinching with every snort the horse gave.

"Oi, Lena." I called back to her, pausing to walk beside her. She snapped her head round.

"L-Levi heichou," she stammered. "What's up?"

"That's what I was going to ask you. You look pale." She lowered her eyes, but when the horse shook it's head, she jumped like she had been struck by lightning and nearly stepped on my feet.

"Don't tell me..." Realisation slowly kicked in. "You're afraid of horses?"

"No!" she snapped. "Why would I join the legion if I was afraid of horses?" I absorbed her expression, drinking in her darting eyes.

"You are, aren't you!"

"No!"

"Stubborn brat." I sniffed. We walked together, crossing from the dry, sandy pathways onto the unsteady field. I wouldn't even call it green; the grass was half dead, with more yellow stains on it than the stable officer's shirt. Chunks of grass were missing everywhere. The seventeen of us all gathered onto the field.

The officer introduced himself as Rod, instructing them all to mount their horse as he did so with his own. Some soldiers scaled the beasts easily; others could barely lift themselves over the saddle. Lena turned to her horse and chewed on her lower lip. One leg cautiously rose into the stirrup and she heaved herself over. Unsteadily, she settled into the saddle, refusing to remove both hands from the reins. Just to my right, Kurt slipped from the saddle and slid down the horse, his feet swinging as he tried to find the ground. On the second attempt, he settled into the saddle.

"Right, now just have a trot around and get a feel for your horse." Rod instructed. Straight away, Luann was cantering across the field. Her wavy brown hair spiralled out behind her, rising and falling with the footsteps of her horse. I snorted (and mentally slapped myself) at her showing off. If her head got any bigger, I might just mistake her for a titan.

From beside me, I heard a snort of disapproval from Lena's horse as she instructed it to start walking. It tossed its head about and complied, clearly unimpressed. I eyed the horse's frame, spotting the same lighter brown tones clambering up it's front legs as I had earlier with the horse that had escaped. Uh oh. Trust that God-damn officer to give the girl who's afraid of horses a horse that hasn't been properly tamed yet.

"Lena," I called as she moved into the distance. "Be careful with that one. It's a bit jumpy." She half-turned back to look at me.

"Don't tease me!" She frowned, wiping a bead of sweat from her forehead. I rolled my eyes, watching as she got further and further from me.

"Those of you who haven't already, try speeding up." Rod called. Lena shot him a worried glance, before kicking her horse to trot. Again, the horse snorted and refused. She kicked it again, hands shaking whilst clutching the reins. The horse twisted off it's path and started stomping it's feet in distress.

"Lena!" I shouted, starting to stride over to her. "Get off it!" But by now she was out of earshot. She tried to gain control of the horse, but it started to buck and snort, tossing her sideways. Lena sat lower in her seat and clung on. The horse rose onto it's back legs. I ran.

"LENA!"

As I came towards her, the horse tossed her onto the floor. She darted out her limbs to stop her fall whilst I sprinted at full speed. Something cracked as she hit the floor.

Silence.

**…**

**LENA-**

The world danced back into my vision, colours chasing away the dark spots in my view. My head lolled to one-side as I came back into consciousness. Pain. Searing, burning pain. Reality smashed into me all at once.

"Lena!" Someone was leaning over me, calling me. His eyes were slightly wider than usual, his pupils constricted as a sheen of sweat coated his face. I stared at him, realising who it was. That was about all I realised.

"Levi heichou?" I said, wincing at how my voice croaked. I tried again. "Levi?" The man's eyes hardened and returned to his usual expression. What happened?

"Brat! When I tell you to be careful, you should listen!" he yelled at me. Behind him, the face of Guthrie settled, his face showing concern. I turned my head to look at him and saw Kurt beside him. Smiling to show I wasn't hurt, they shook their heads in union. Then it came back to me. The horse.

"Clumsy girl." Kurt half-smiled. I tried to sit up, but the source of my pain became apparent.

"Ah!-" I winced. Levi stopped scowling. Shifting my weight off of my right arm, I tried to ignore the throbbing, burning sensation in it. The pain was so sharp that it felt like someone was twisting my arm, yanking it out of it's socket whilst simultaneously scorching it with a hot knife.

"Where does it hurt?" I heard Levi ask. I didn't answer, shuffling into a sitting position with the help of Guthrie who had knelt by my side. "Brat. Don't ignore me."

"Right arm..." I groaned. "It's probably broken."

Levi sighed heavily, then stopped himself. He took my limp arm in his left hand and lifted it gently. For a second, I tried not to gasp, tensing my stomach. Then he moved it a bit more.

"AH!-" I cried, fingernails clawing the grass. Levi stopped lifting my arm and gently put it back down. He had only lifted it a matter of centimetres, but it felt like he had snapped it higher than my head.

"I'm taking off your jacket." He ordered, rather than asked. I leant into Guthrie's chest as he supported my back, whilst Levi carefully removed my jacket. Once the jacket was off, he paused. "All of you." He raised his voice. "Get lost." People around me started to shuffle away. Rod quickly led them to practice elsewhere. Kurt dithered about, until I finally smiled at him to let him know he could leave.

"Let me know what happens." Kurt patted Guthrie's head as he left. My eyes wandered back to Levi as I caught him frowning at my shirt.

"Take it off." I said. "I don't care." It was clear that Levi needed to see my arm to judge the extent of damage, but felt awkward about stripping a girl in front of everyone. To be honest, it didn't bother me when my arm was in so much pain. Levi met my eyes, before glaring at Guthrie to look away. I felt Guthrie's face look over his shoulder, still holding me tight.

Levi unbuttoned the top of my shirt and slid it down from one shoulder. He leaned forward and touched my skin; his fingers were cold. "It's swollen." he finally diagnosed. "Most likely broken." He slipped my shirt back on and hastily buttoned it again. I couldn't let my eyes meet his or Guthrie's. "We'll take you to someone trained in this type of thing, like Hanji. It's not severe enough to bother with the hospital. They'd just put it in a sling and we can do that for you." I nodded miserably.

"Sorry." I muttered. Guthrie gently patted my head.

"It's not your fault. That horse hadn't been tamed yet." he said, his warm breath tickling my hair. Levi's eyes hardened again and his expression was back to his usual frown.

"Can you stand?" Levi asked. I nodded and with Guthrie's help, I was on my feet.

"I feel like such a twat now." I blushed.

"That'll be twice in once day." Levi muttered under his breath. I shot him a glare, but cracked into a smile instead.

An hour or so later, my arm was in a makeshift sling made by Hanji, who's biological knowledge was enough to safely announce that my arm should recover within 8 weeks maximum. The legion did have a few people trained in medics and such, but had no specific corps for it. All casualties and injuries were sent to the nearest hospital if no one was available or skilled enough to deal with it back at the HQ.

I was alone in my room where Levi had instructed me to rest until he called for me. My room had no window, as directly behind it lay the staircase. That meant that if ever I needed air or ventilation, I had to open the door. My room was smaller than the rest of the rooms on this floor, which is why it only had me and one other girl in. Apparently, our room used to be a storage room under the stairs until recently. All the other rooms held two bunk beds.

I sighed. If there was one thing I could say for certain about myself, it was that I was restless without freedom. Sit me in a corner under a blue sky and I'd daydream for years. Force me to stay in a cold, dull room until 'called for', and my boredom levels would sky rocket. I just needed a wide open space, not some dingy room. I checked the time- 14:45. If my estimations were correct, dinner would be called around 6 o'clock. So, Levi would return for me between 5 and 6...

I had time.

Leaving my cell of a room, I made a break for the outside world. Now, I had a choice. Go to where I am most at peace and enjoy myself, but suffer the dreadful climb with a handicap... or find somewhere else and risk being found by someone. Or getting lost.

My sense of direction was appalling.

The sky called to me, lifting my chin gently to watch the birds soaring; they were truly free. They could scale these walls that cage us with ease. Clouds drifted lazily along, occasionally casting shadows around me. The sun lit up a golden lining around the edges of the clouds, competing with the cold of Autumn. My feet found themselves strolling towards the hill.

It took me at least five minutes to follow the path winding away from the HQ and finally start ascending. The first part, as I knew, was easy. A gentle climb. The middle section was trickiest, with jutting rocks and crumbling cliffs. After that, it was just a steep ascent to the top, where the peak fell flat. I reached my first obstacle earlier than expected. It was a part where I usually used my right hand for support, whilst lifting my feet onto a rock on the left. Obviously, my right hand was currently out of service. I straddled my feet like a horse rider, one foot on the left rock and one on the right. It was a challenge, but I did it.

Several heart-stopping moments followed where my foot slipped or my arm was not available for support, but soon I was at the top. I made myself comfortable, which took greater effort than usual, laid flat on my back with my head facing the left. My right arm rested upon my stomach and felt my chest rise and fall.

Peace.

Once more.

**LEVI-**

Where was that sneaky, absent minded brat? It couldn't have been long since I ordered her to stay put in her room. I'd lost a cripple in a castle; how was that even possible? After going back to Rod, he told me to leave everything up to him and he would bring the cadets back to me by 15:00, ready for their lecture in expedition tactics. I'd filled out a few forms, had a cup of tea and bam! She had vanished.

She was definitely on canteen duties for a week. And if she chopped her hand off in the kitchen it would serve her right.

I decided to carry on with my duties in case I ran into her. Instead of wasting hours searching for an arbitrary brat, I might as well do something useful and run the risk of running into her. "Hanji," I called, spotting the woman further down the corridor. She stopped and tilted her head. "When is Erwin returning?"

"Levi heichou. I thought you were in charge of the new cadets?"

"I am. The stable officer is taking over while I finish doing some stuff."

"How's that girl?"

"She's fucked off somewhere." I waved a hand dismissively. "When does Erwin return?"

"He was supposed to be returning tomorrow, but I've heard rumours that he has extended it as the King wants to see him, but the King has royal appointments for tomorrow. He's requested that Erwin stays until the day after."

"Tch. Bastard, does he know we're fighting out here? He thinks he can do what he wants with our commander well-"

"Where's that girl gone?" I stopped mid-rant.

"Lena?"

"Yeah."

"Fuck knows. I told her to stay in her room." I shrugged. "Anyway, are you ready for your lecture tomorrow?" Her eyes glinted.

"A whole hour talking about titans!" Hanji drooled. "I've even prepared Eren's tooth for them to look at!"

"Disgusting." I spat. "If you run into Lena, tell her she's balancing on knife edge, and that if she wasn't crippled I'd be forcing her to clean the entire HQ for the next month."

"She might have just gone to the woman's room." Hanji shrugged. "I'll take a look for you."

"Whatever." I sniffed. Hanji said goodbye and continued on her way, whilst I contemplated the mountain of expedition plans that Erwin wanted me to look at. "Damn that King." I grumbled.

…

**A/N: I'm trying to make this realistic so the bond between Levi and Lena is going slow. Also, I'm trying to make chapters long so stay with me!**

**Hope you're enjoying this! Feedback is welcome! Especially continuity errors, as that's usually my biggest flaw.**


	3. FALLEN BIRDS 1

**FALLEN BIRDS**

"Smoke signals..." I mused over the expedition plans. "Not bad." I flicked through the next few pages and scrawled notes over the plans. Erwin had managed to make the full set of arrangements for at least 5 separate expeditions; just one would get the 'go ahead'. We needed to get Eren outside of the walls in order for him to be officially allowed into the corps. At the moment, my team were teaching him and keeping an eye on him.

I sighed, reading over the first plan again. Realistically, only the first and third plans would work. The first described a close-knit square formation, with Eren securely in the centre and each squad within sight of the next. It would make us a smaller target, but one fault in the lines would cause major damage. The third was an extreme long distance diamond where communication relied on runners and smoke grenades. It was tricky and had a lot of flaws, but safer.

I sat back in my chair and rubbed my temples. I needed time to think this through. Standing up, I decided to change locations. I would go to the place I always went to whenever something was on my mind. It reminded me what I was fighting for; one look at the beauty of the land, one glance at the hundreds of ant-like humans preparing for battle, one gaze at the birds who could fly wherever they wanted... The wings of freedom. Jiyuu no tsubasa.

That was all I needed to get my priorities straight and be able to move on.

So that was were I headed.

**LENA-**

I vaguely remember feeling my body subconsciously turn onto my right shoulder, before a sharp pain awoke me. "Ugh." I sat up slowly and rubbed my eye. "I fell asleep..."

Looking around, nothing had changed. The sun was still in the sky and people still milled about below me. Luckily, it seemed I hadn't slept long. Checking my watch, I saw that it was 15:10. I had better start heading down.

Which, as it turned out, was easier said than done. With only one hand for support, climbing up had been a lot easier than what I was attempting now. I had nothing to cling onto or lean against. Sometimes, I just had to jump, which was terrifying enough without a handicap. Maybe I should have thought of this.

It took me double the time to get to just the middle section, and that's where things began to get worse... much worse. In the end, I found myself sitting on the edge of a rock with my head in my hand. "Stupid twat!" I cursed. "Stupid!" I began to envision my death in the local newspaper; died because she couldn't get back down and starved to death. How stupid.

Worst of all, Levi would probably be the one to find me, since he has seen me come here before. No doubt the only reason he hadn't come already was that he figured me smart enough to work out that someone with a broken arm shouldn't be galloping up mountains. He would probably laugh his ass off when he found out that I'd gotten myself stuck.

"Oi, brat." I jumped so much my footing slipped and I had to scramble frantically to keep my balance. Just below me, Levi was looking up, scowling. "Nice room you got there." I gulped.

"S-sorry..." I blushed.

"What are you doing up here anyway?" He took in my seated position on the rock, where I'd failed to progress any further down and just given in.

"I wanted some fresh air and then..." Levi just glared at me, waiting for me to explain. "I've made myself look like a twat for the third time today..." I chewed on my lip and looked at him. He frowned. It took him about two more seconds before he realised.

"Don't tell me you're stuck." My gaze dropped into my lap. "Shit head." He swore. "Serves you right for not following orders." With that, he turned away and started heading back down the hill.

"L-levi heichou!" I called in shock. "Are you leaving me?!"

"I'm not some superhero that saves idiots who get themselves into shit." He said, stopping briefly to look back at me. A smirk tugged at him lips. "Idiot." He repeated, continuing down.

"Damn!" I cursed. "Damn, damn!" I'd show him. I'd get down this mountain and make it back to my room. Then he wouldn't be able to laugh at me... Well, not much. I started attempting to climb down again, my left arm shaking with all the effort it had been exerting recently. Suddenly, I lost my balance and my back slipped down the rock I had been wedged into. "SHIT!" I swore loudly. I struggled for a foothold again and felt my arm giving way. My right arm had been banged and bashed so much that it was now throbbing like hell. I just wanted to crawl into bed and wait for the pain to subside, but there was no chance of that in my position. My left arm slipped-

"Tch!" I heard someone grunt as they supported by back. It was Levi; he had come back. Yanking me violently from the wall and down onto his level, he swept me up into his arms.

"Eek!" a squeal slipped out from my lips and I immediately winced. "Levi heichou!"

"Up here, it's just Levi." He corrected. I looked up at him, my face scarlet from my position. This was so clichéd. I was literally in his arms like a princess, except I wasn't exactly light or elegant. He smirked at me again, before making his way down the hill. His agility and strength astounded me; as expected of humanity's strongest soldier.

"I've never known someone who gets themselves into as many stupid situations as you." He said as we neared the bottom.

"Y-you can put me down now." I stammered, still embarrassed that I'd had to be carried to the ground because I had gotten myself stuck.

"You promise you won't do anything stupid?" He asked.

"I can't promise that... it just happens." Once again, his mouth twitched as he almost laughed at me. He must be enjoying himself at my misery.

"Well, I'm not always going to get you out of it. I've been generous enough already."

"Yeah thanks for that." I said, sarcastically.

"Was that sarcasm?" His eyes met mine and held them, attempting to scare me.

"I'm guessing from the moment you put me down, you're a corporal again." I ignored him, holding his eyes on mine. He sighed.

"I suppose."

"Then carry me a bit further?" I said, rather than asked. Levi blinked at me.

"What the hell." He grunted. "You just said you wanted putting down."

"I know," I replied. "But when you go into corporal mode, I can imagine you shouting at me for being such an idiot and wasting your time."

"True."

"Then will you carry me?" I pushed again. He paused, looking straight forward as he continued walking. Just as I was about to take that as a 'yes', he mercilessly dropped me.

"Will I fuck." He dismissed, stepping over me and continuing towards HQ.

"Bastard." I muttered under my breath, clutching my arm in pain.

"What was that, stalker?" He challenged.

"N-nothing, heichou." I shook my head, listening as his footsteps got further away.

…

At bang on 15:30, Levi had everyone gathered in a classroom style room within HQ for a lecture in expedition tactics. I had entered five minutes late, after Hanji had found me and told me where I needed to be. As I walked in, the whole room stared at me and Levi stopped what he was saying. "Sit down, brat." he ordered.

I caught Kurt's eyes and he gestured to a seat next to him. The room was set out in single tables, lined in rows and columns that filled the room from front to back. Levi had a chalkboard and about a 2 metre wide area to walk around in. He only ever moved positions to write on the board. Kurt waved at me from my right and I looked up at him. He mouthed, 'are you okay?' and I just nodded. My eyes scanned the room for Guthrie, and I found him at the back. He nodded at me; I nodded back. Then, as I turned back to the front, Luann caught my gaze and raised a dainty middle finger at me. I frowned, before flagging her off back.

"Ete!" A piece of chalk smacked me in the cheek.

"Pay attention, brat!" Levi growled. "Just because you're disabled, doesn't mean you shouldn't be noting down what I'm saying."

"Yes sir." I muttered back and picked up a pencil in my left hand. Writing was more difficult than I had ever imagined; I was right handed. The illegible scrawls all over my page took at least a minute to form a sentence. Even then, it just looked like a spider had been dipped in ink and left to skitter along my page. I sighed, glancing at the page full of nonsense that I had just written.

I was never going to be able to revise our next expedition strategy from this. Not that I'd be going on it anyway. Not in my condition. Kurt nudged me when Levi turned his back and passed across a few sheets of paper. He smiled at me as I realised what it was. He had not only done his own notes, but had copied them up neatly for me on a separate set of sheets. I gawked at him.

"T-thanks!" I whispered. He nodded back and faced the front. I did so too and caught Levi glaring at me. He glanced between me and Kurt, before continuing on. Perhaps this was a strange thing to say, but I think it's even more terrifying when he looks at you and doesn't even shout. His glare speaks volumes and when his anger isn't directed at you verbally, you feel like he's stabbing your voodoo doll in the head.

At the end of the session, it was 16:30 and we had one hour of free-time before food was called. Levi instructed us all to 'get a wash because you all smell worse than the horse shit in the stables', so we headed back to the rooms to get our stuff. Ava, my room mate, got to the room before and she was already packing her towel into a bag.

"Hey." I smiled, awkwardly. We didn't know each other that well. From what I did know of her, Ava was quiet and rather shy. Other than myself, Luann and Luann's friends, there were three other girls in our intake. In our dorm, there was me, Ava, Luann and Luann's friend Carla. This meant that the two girls that Ava usually hung around with had been separated from her... and instead, she was stuck with me. Poor thing.

"Do you want to go down together?" she smiled at me.

"Actually, I had a shower this morning." I replied. "I know it's disgusting to go without, but it'd be difficult with one arm..."

"I'll help you." Ava tilted her head and smiled again.

"Will you? Thanks!" I returned the grin. "I know it's awkward but... I'd rather not smell."

"It's fine. We're all girls, aren't we?"

"Well, I'm not sure what Luann is, but I'm definitely a girl." I joked. Ava tittered.

I gathered my stuff and we walked over to the women's showers. It was a small, dingy place with hardly any privacy, but at least it protected us from the males. The showers were in one big building separate from the HQ. They dribbled cold water; it wasn't exactly luxurious. However, it was a new type of technology recently invented to replace baths. Baths weren't practical here in the scouting legion as they took ages to fill. The only problem I had (apart from the cold), was that the boys' showers backed onto the girls. There was only a wooden panel separating us from them.

This wasn't like some story cliché though; the wood wasn't about to fall down and it didn't have any peep holes. It just meant that we could hear every conversation in the shower, including the boys'. From experience, I had learnt to plug my ears and ignore some of the crude conversations coming from the boys' side. Luann loved it; 70% of conversations revolved around how fit she was. The boys hadn't yet figured out that even if they whispered, we could hear them. And no one was about to tell them.

Upon arriving in the showers, we found that some of the scouting legion were already in there. Petra, one of the people I looked up to, was washing her hair, chatting quietly to another female. Mikasa who was becoming well-known in the legion, was by herself in one corner as a girl with reddish-brown hair yammered onto her about food from across the shower. Apart from me and Ava, there were five other females showering. I undressed and hung my clothes up, struggling to slip off my shirt. The sling came off last, and I winced as I cupped my arm with my hand.

"I'll wash quickly and then help you." Ava nodded, already under one of the shower heads. I nodded and headed over to another shower head. I turned it on whilst standing to one side. I let my feet test the cold and wince, trying to force myself to go under the shower.

"Jesus it's cold." I muttered.

"What did you expect, cripple?" A snide voice sounded from behind me. Luann was undressing opposite me. She didn't even look in my direction. I ignored her. One of her friends smiled awkwardly at me whilst Carla completely blanked me.

Forcing myself under the tap, I tensed my whole body against the pain. Damn it was cold. The water thundered onto my shoulder and coiled around my arm. Ava quickly finished washing and massaged her fingertips into my hair, releasing all the dirt it had acquired over the day.

"Thanks," I muttered, suddenly feeling awkward. "I owe you one."

"It's nothing." she replied. "Better this than you stinking the room out tonight."

"Do I really smell that bad?" I joked back.

"Yeah, you do. You reek like pig-shit." Luann joined the conversation again. We both continued to chat, pretending she wasn't there. No doubt this drove her up the wall.

Minutes later, I was fully clothed again. My usually light brown hair was almost black and water still dribbled down my shoulder. The cold of the Autumn breeze electrified my whole body, causing the hair on my arms to stand on end and I shivered. I hated the cold.

"Does it hurt?" Ava asked as we walked back.

"A bit," I lied. "I don't think the bone has cracked all the way through. It will probably heal really quickly."

"Well if I were you I wouldn't tell people that." Ava said under her breath. "Stay out of expeditions for as long as you can." My eyes shot over in her direction.

"You mean, lie?"

"Yeah. If you want to survive." We both fell silent. The fear of the titans which I had pushed aside, rose it's ugly head in the silence. I decided to break the silence before it got too tense.

"I can't believe I broke my arm on the first day." I laughed. Ava laughed gently. She tugged on a dirty blonde curl (though her hair was usually a bright blonde colour).

"It looks really painful. You're so brave."

"It looks like someone has painted my arm blue. I'm turning into an avatar."

"The paint is mouldy too then. There's all these green smudges on it." Ava teased.

"It's more swollen than Luann's head... wait, no it isn't. That's impossible."

"Haha," Ava giggled again. "You're so funny."

"Funny 'haha' or funny mental institution?" I asked.

"Both." Ava flicked my ear.

"Ouch." I complained, reaching across to flick her back.

Before I realised it, we were back in our room. Ava started combing her long hair; it dangled at her hips. I was surprised she hadn't cut it. I would have. It must get in the way. We asked questions about each other and chatted until a knock on the door disrupted us.

"Who is it?" Ava called.

"Guthrie." A deep voice called back. I smiled and opened the door.

"Hey," I grinned, looking around for Kurt. "Where's Kurt?"

"He's still in the shower. There's a massive queue in the boys' side."

"That kind of makes me feel better about the 100 to one gender ratio here."

"Yeah." Guthrie sniffed. "So were you okay earlier?"

"When?"

"When Corporal Levi took you back to HQ. If I were you, I'd have been shitting it. Alone with that guy, jeez." Guthrie shivered.

"Ah, that." I nodded. "He just took me to squad leader Hanji and then told me to stay in my room."

"He wasn't angry?"

"Probably. But he was passive aggressive about it." I laughed.

"That's even scarier." At least I wasn't the only one who thought that way.

Just then, Kurt walked behind Guthrie and waved at me. "You okay, cripple?"

"Why's everyone saying that?" I sighed.

"Sorry," he grinned, showing off his perfect set of white teeth. "You okay then? Does it hurt?"

"No," I rolled my eyes, sarcasm dripping from my words. "I feel fine, despite the crack in my bone."

"Okay, fine, no more sympathy from me." Kurt raised an eyebrow. "You want to meet to walk down to dinner in ten minutes?"

"What'dya say, Ava?" I turned to Ava and repeated the question. She nodded and agreed. "Yeah, ten minutes then." I said. "Don't spend five hours doing your hair, Kurt." Kurt stuck out his tongue and left with Guthrie.

…

**LEVI**

Walking into the dining room was like being hit by a wave of social-ness... That's not even a word, I know. It produced another fine example of a time where life hit me in the gut. "Urgh." I hated loud areas. I wanted to grab my food and get away as soon as possible, before-

"LEVI!" Hanji called. Before that.

I cursed multiple times and kept my head down, grabbing my food and making for the door. No such luck. " Come sit with us!" Hanji grinned. "Don't be unsociable."

"You just asked for something impossible." I spat.

"We have to discuss some stuff anyway." Practically removing my food from my hands, Hanji dragged me to her table. Around it sat Eren, Hanji, Mikasa, Armin, Petra and Mike... I chose to sit next to Petra. At least then I could have some sort of intelligent conversation if I was forced to speak. She smiled at me as I sat down.

"And so," Hanji continued. "I have concluded that Eren's abilities get better the more he uses them." I switched off as Hanji ranted at us about Eren's amazing 'three second healing' from this morning. Minutes later, I spotted Lena enter with the muscular guy from her intake, as well as another girl with blonde hair and a boy who chatted casually with Lena. They sat down on the table next to ours, so that I could see her if I looked past Eren, who sat opposite me.

Her hair was still damp. It twisted onto her shoulders where it usually never touched; her hair was rarely down like this. I continued forcing food into my mouth, occasionally catching Lena laugh or swear as she spoke to her friends. The big man brought food to her as she couldn't carry it. He sat next to her and watched as she struggled with her fork. Muttering into her ear, he took her fork in his hand and started feeding her.

BANG.

I looked down at my knife with surprise. It had pierced through the plate and shattered the centre of it. The whole of my table were looking at me in shock. "Shit." I muttered, lifting up the plate and heading over to the bin. I came back to find them still watching me; they stopped whispering as I sat down again.

"Levi," Petra said softly. "Is something worrying you?"

"I just got distracted." I dismissed, lifting my cup of tea to my lips.

He was still at it.

Lena blushed disgustingly at him as he fed her the food remaining on her plate. For some reason, it made me feel sick.

"Heichou..." Eren stammered. My eyes flicked to his. "Have I done something wrong?" It dawned on me that to everyone else, I had been staring at Eren for the last few minutes, not the girl just behind him.

"You're in my line of sight." I grunted back. Eren quickly moved his chair sideways and I continued to watch the disgusting scene unfolding behind. Eventually, I couldn't stand it. I slammed my chair under the table as I left the room and went back to my office.

Damn children. Hormones running wild.


	4. FALLEN BIRDS 2

**FALLEN BIRDS**

There was a short brief after dinner for the next morning before free-time. Since the new cadets were no longer in training, there was no curfew. Just the knowledge that if you woke up a rank, they'd slit your eyeballs and walking around at night was suspicious as fuck. Right now, it was 19:20.

_Knock knock. _"If your name is Eren, fuck off." I grunted.

"It's me, Petra."

".. Come in." I sighed, rolling into a sitting position on the end of my bed. Petra walked in, peeking round the door and gently closing it. She dragged a chair opposite me and sat on it, twiddling her thumbs.

"What's up?" I asked, crossing one leg over the other. Petra didn't meet my gaze.

"If you need any help, you know you can ask us... right?" I frowned as she finally looked at me.

"What's this about?"

"Earlier you seemed a bit frustrated." We had a stare off for a few seconds, before I sighed and stood up.

"Don't worry about it. I saw something that pissed me off." Petra followed me with her eyes as I opened the door. "I've got something to do." With that, I shut the door and walked away.

…

BASH!

The punching bag almost swung off it's hook as I dealt it another blow. Sweat dripped from my chin as I panted heavily. Raising my fists ready to strike again, my muscles braced for the attack. BAM BAM BASH! A double jab followed by a round house kick. My shirt stuck to my chest with sweet, sticky sweat. I had discarded my uniform long ago and changed into blue shorts and a grey, long tank top.

My bare feet barely touched the ground, crashing repeatedly into the punch bag. Hanji had advised me to wear gloves and only punch the 'punch' bag... but I loved the feeling of weight resisting my kicks. Gloves that cushioned my fists took away the whole purpose of what I was doing. My fists became sore and the knuckles were red from where I'd worn the skin down till it was raw. Pain, pain, pain. Call me a masochist, but that feeling of pounding something, feeling it's weight and being free to use all my strength till I dropped from exhaustion exhilarated me.

Thunder kick, lightning kick, low kick, high kick, hook, hook, jab, 180 degree kick... I tried everything to tire myself out. My muscles were pounding with lactic acid and I could barely breathe any more. But I carried on. I had been at it for longer than I could recall. Through the window, I could tell it was getting dark. Yet, I couldn't stop now. I was still standing.

"Heichou!" I heard a shocked mumble as someone entered the room. I carried on relentlessly, but gave a back kick to the punching bag in order to see who it was. It was the blond guy from the latest intake, who had been with Lena earlier. My punches suddenly fell harder.

"UGH!" The tension poured out of my lips; I couldn't hold it back. Kicking again and again, feeling the bruises under my skin smack against the heavy bag.

"Corporal, you shouldn't kick the bag. You'll injure yourself." The cadet dared to lecture me as he went over to the weights and began his training.

"Are you... offering to spar...hah... with me then?" I panted, still burrowing my fists into the material.

"I'd rather not end my life tonight." The man chuckled. "I'm Guthrie, from your group." He added, testing a few different weights.

"UGH!" I pounded it again. Stars started to appear in my vision and my body screamed at me to stop. Suddenly, my attacks became weak. I crashed forward into the wall and slid down it, turning until I was collapsed against it. I vaguely remember hearing the guy call my name a few times, before everything blacked out.

**...**

I awoke with a cold flannel on my forehead. Water trickled down my face and onto the bed sheets I was laid on. Bedsheets. "Shit!" I sat bolt upright and removed the cloth from my face. There was someone in the room, but my first instinct drove me to inspect the damage to my bed sheets. Thankfully, there were only two or three drops of water staining the perfect, crisp whiteness.

My second instinct went entirely against what my brain ordered my body to do. I collapsed back onto the sheets as my aching body punished me. I smirked, closing my eyes to feel the wonderful ache all over.

My final instinct was to snap open my eyes as I remembered there was someone other than me in the room.

"I never knew you were a masochist." The voice said. I focussed on the brown haired girl by my bed.

"This is the second time you've come into my room uninvited." I chided Lena. She frowned.

"It's not my fault. Guthrie didn't know what the hell to do with you!"

"Then why did he call you?"

"He told me to find the same woman that helped me with my arm. Hanji, was it?" When I didn't reply, Lena continued. "I told her that you collapsed in training and she just swore and said to just leave you."

"Is that what she said?" I grumbled, scowling at the ceiling.

"No, her exact words were- 'If he can't rely on us to talk to then he can just do what the fuck he wants and die alone for all I care'" Lena then smirked to herself. "After that, she said, 'never tell him I said that'."

"That shitty-glasses." I swore.

Lena leaned forward on her chair and caught my gaze. I twisted my head to look at her, melting into her dark brown eyes. "Seriously though, don't worry us like that." Her eyes showed concern. I felt my chest tighten.

"You really are a stalker." I snorted, turning away. "Get out, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ungrateful little-..." Lena stopped herself. "See you."

I listened for the sound of the door shutting and sighed.

Something was wrong with me.

…

The next morning dragged. Paperwork, lectures, paperwork, lectures, lectures, Hanji, lectures, titans... When dinner time came, I was so thankful that I nearly kissed the chef. I'm kidding of course.

Dinner times were often quieter than in the evenings. Some groups took their lunch with them for a day long mini-expedition. Some people went home to their families. I took my food and collapsed into a seat on an empty table, still feeling the retributions for yesterday seer into my thighs. The table didn't stay empty for long, unfortunately.

"Morning, heichou." Petra sat beside me. I nodded in recognition and vaguely asked her about how she was doing. It wasn't long before Auruo, Eldo, Hanji, Gunther and Eren had gathered onto my table too. None of them asked to sit down.

"How was your day, heichou?" Eren asked.

"Shit." I replied, bluntly. "How did the transformation go?"

"It didn't work." Eren's head dropped and he clenched his fist.

"Well, don't piss yourself over it." I shrugged. "There's still a whole bunch of shit you don't know."

"Levi!" Hanji shook her head. "You swear too much!"

"What was that, shitty-glasses?"

"There you go again!" She whined at me a while longer, and I retorted back whenever I felt the need to. Then, Lena entered the room. She was with Guthrie and the blonde girl again. Hanji caught on that I'd suddenly stopped listening. Following my gaze, she saw Lena. I quickly looked away and pretended that I hadn't been watching. I didn't want some weird rumours to start. "Lena!" Hanji called. I jolted. "Come sit with us!"

Lena looked around upon hearing her name until her eyes met mine. Then, she saw Hanji waving frantically. "Oi," I grunted. "What are you doing? There's not room for three on here."

"We can budge up, right?" Hanji asked.

"Actually, I'm going. It's my mother's birthday today and I want to see her." Gunter said, standing as he spoke.

"Perfect!" Hanji grinned. "Now there's room!"

Lena hovered before Hanji, puzzled. "What's up, Hanji?" She asked formally. Hanji gestured to the seats and invited her to sit down.

"You and heichou are familiar, right?" She smiled. "This is our thanks for looking after him last night." I started to complain, but shut my mouth. Lena looked embarrassed, but she sat down anyway.

"So, Lena, how's your arm?"

"It's fine thanks. I'm sure it will heal quickly."

"You fell off a horse, right? Sounds painful!"

"It was scary!"

"It was scary for me watching!" Guthrie shook his head. "Lena's always been clumsy."

"Who's that girl who keeps making snide comments?" Petra asked. "I heard her while we were in the shower."

"That's Luann. We don't get on."

"Luann slapped her yesterday." Guthrie smirked. Lena flicked him on the shoulder.  
"Oi!"

"She what?!" Petra gasped. "Wow, I'm guessing she's a bit of a bitch?"

"Yeah. I heard that she wanted to join the Military Police and get away from the titans... I doubt she'll stay long now."

"So she wasn't strong enough?" Hanji asked.

"Not by far."

"Well, all the Military Police are the same." Auruo joined in. "They're all scared of fighting the titans and want to get into the inner walls."

"That's not true." Lena frowned. "Some want to change the system."

"Hah. Yeah right." Auruo spat. "Those cowards are all the same." Lena put her fork down and glared at Auruo.

"They're not cowards." Lena said, this time with more force. I started to actually pay attention to their mindless chatter now. The tension in the room had suddenly risen. "Not all of them."

"If people want to make a difference, they join the scouting legion." Auruo frowned. "The Military Police are just a bunch of pigs begging for their lives."

"They're not! The Military Police protect lives of people within the walls!"

"You mean protect their own lives. They sell our kit to the black market!"

"People in the Scouting Legion do that, too! You can't be so prejudice!"

"I've seen it happen with my own eyes! Even the Military Police admit that they're corrupt."

"You're wrong!" Lena snapped. He held his ground.

"I'm not wrong! In my opinion, when that famine years ago caused us to sacrifice innocent villagers, it should have been them we fed to the titans instead!"

"Pardon?!" Lena was seething. She rose from her seat and her fingernails dug into the table. I sat up, shocked at her sudden change in personality. I'd never seen her so pissed.

"I said, every man and woman in the Military Police are worthless pieces of shit that only care for themselves." Auruo stood up too.

"Stop it, you two." Petra interrupted, but neither of them were listening.

"You bastard. I dare you to say that again!" Lena was practically bearing her teeth in anger.

"Sit down, cadet! You haven't even seen a titan yet." Auruo snapped. "You're barely out of nappies so don't you dare try lecturing me!"

That was the breaking point for Lena. I saw it in her eyes. If you've ever seen a person who has witnessed something they treasure being destroyed, then you may have seen the expression Lena was wearing. I certainly had. The same one that Eren sometimes wore. The one Mikasa had worn when Eren was thought to be dead. First there's the expression of loss... then there's the expression to 'kill'... Revenge.

_I'LL KILL EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!_

Lena snapped. She moved swiftly but I was faster. I moved quickly making sure to avoid touching her broken arm whilst dragging her other hand behind her back. My hand covered her mouth. I had no doubt that Lena wouldn't have tried to kill Auruo (she wouldn't have been able to any way), but I was certain that one of them would have been injured in the fight... Most likely Lena. Lena struggled, then as I watched, her eyes returned to normal. She closed them and I felt her breathing slow. Auruo glared at her.

"Auruo." I grunted. He looked at me, worried. "You should know better. Go cool off." Auruo muttered an apology and left the dining room. I noticed now that we had the attention of most of the dining hall. "Lena, come with me." I said, though I didn't really need to since I was dragging her along anyway.

I finally let go of her when we were out of the way of other people, standing in the shade of some of the tall trees surrounding the HQ. Lena took a breath, before looking at me. With relief, I saw that her eyes were back to their melted brown state. "I won't apologise for what I said, but I'll apologise for making a scene." she announced. I regarded her.

"I wasn't going to ask for an apology." I shrugged. She looked surprised, but then sighed.

"Well I'm sorry anyway."

"What happened? I've never seen you so pissed." Lena's eyebrows furrowed and she looked away.  
"It's personal." When I didn't press her for more, she sighed again. "Maybe I'll tell you one day."

"Well, whatever. I don't care." I shrugged. "Just try not to cause any more tension in my group. There's enough as it is with Eren's abilities."

"Sorry, heichou." Lena rubbed her arm gingerly.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked before my brain caught up with mouth.

"N-no..." She shook her head.

"Good." I nodded. "You can head back now, if you've calmed down."

"Thanks."

As Lena walked away, a part of me wanted to drag her back. I still didn't understand her; I was curious. Why had she shown such an angry expression? There was so much I didn't know about her life. Her head dropped slowly the further she got away... something was bothering her. My hand twitched by my side. Forcing myself to look away, I tried to think about something else. But always, somehow, her face managed to appear back in my mind.

**LENA-**

It wasn't long before I needed to get back to HQ. In another half-hour, we were supposed to meet with our squad leaders for an afternoon of cleaning gear. Erwin was supposed to be returning late tomorrow, and from then on we'd be planning for the next expedition... Which I guessed I wasn't going on.

My frustration displaced itself with random kicks at the ground. I felt like a five year old, but right now, I really didn't care. There was no one to see me anyway. I really didn't want to go back. After finishing my food and smiling like there was nothing bothering me to Guthrie and Ava, I was now storming about the grounds surrounding HQ. My sense of direction may be shocking, but I had no where else to go. I couldn't climb my usual hill and admire the scenery because of this damn arm. Instead, I was violently stomping through the trees surrounding the huge castle.

It had been a while since I'd seen another person.

Finally, I forced myself to look back towards the intimidating figure of the HQ... only, it wasn't there. Ooh shhhi- Wait, calm down. Just walk back the way you came, Lena.

I did so, grumbling still about my argument from earlier. "Stupid guy..." I spat. "Thinks he knows everything." My foot scuffed the grass angrily. "So prejudice." I stopped walking and lifted my head. I searched for the sky but couldn't find it through the trees. "Nii-chan was never like that. He really did want to change things..."

I carried on back to HQ, shaded by the towering trees that sparked a shiver along my arms. The breeze whispered in the twisted branches above, sending leaves tumbling towards the ground. All of a sudden, the route I was following split into two... uh-oh. I had no idea which route took me back. I went for the one on the right as it looked most familiar, speeding up to a light jog. Minutes later, I arrived at a stream running through a soil ditch... I definitely didn't remember that.

"Damn you, Lena!" I cursed. "Why do you do such stupid things?!" A sense of deja vu swooped over me; when I was a new cadet, I had gotten lost so many times that I didn't have the mental capacity to cope with the maths. Yet I was so smart that I kept wandering off alone time after time. I ran around the forest, getting myself more and more lost as my arm began to throb with the constant jolting. Every tree looked the same as the last, every bit of path eventually drifted out into some bush or faded into nothing. There was now only ten minutes before I needed to get back.

I ran and ran, panting with both frustration and fatigue. It got to the point where I gave in and just walked for the sake of moving. Surely, if I kept going in the same direction, the forest would end. It definitely didn't seem like it. Birds chattered in the trees, mocking me. I rolled my eyes. I must be the most unfortunate person in the world; I was so stupid. So far this week, I had managed to break my arm, get stuck up a mountain, be labelled a stalker, get slapped and now THIS. "Someone up there hates me!" I said aloud. "Well, you know what? I hate you too!" This time, I shouted it.

"Well, cheers." A voice said behind me. Now, this hadn't been the first time I had jumped out of my skin recently and it seemed as though it wasn't going to be the last, the way my luck was going.

"Shit!" I gasped, spinning around so fast, my arm clicked. "SHIT!" I repeated, wincing in pain.

"You seem like such a cute girl," the voice laughed. "You've just met me and you're already swearing and claiming you hate me." I finally caught a glance of the guy who had just landed beside me. He was from the scouting legion, the rest of his squad pulling up behind him as he sheathed his swords. Clearly, they were in the middle of training in the woods when they came across poor, little me.

"I didn't mean you." I sniffed. The man raised an eyebrow, smirking cheerfully. He had long blond hair that wafted just above his eyes, tickling the back of his neck.

"Are you... lost?" his grin was almost big enough to crack his face. I pouted, refusing to admit that I was lost, but not willing to turn down his help... I was already late and Levi would no doubt kill me upon my return. "I'll take that as a yes. What were you doing out here anyway?"

"I got into an argument and wanted to cool off... but my sense of direction is worse than that of a blind cricket."

"A blind cricket?" The man laughed. "Come on, girl. I'll take you back."

"Are you sure you're not busy?"

"The squad leader won't mind. We're not too far away anyway."

"Really?!" I almost swore. "It felt like I'd been walking for DAYS!"

"Whatever, hold on," he said, taking care to lift me without jolting my arm too much. Then, he took off.

I had to bite my lip through the whole journey, trying not to take advantage of his kindness to complain that he was moving too suddenly and ragging my arm from it's socket. A few times, I tensed suddenly and he asked me if he was going too fast. Eventually, we dropped from high in the trees onto the grass outside HQ. He put me down gently.

"Thank you, I'd have probably made my way to Shiganshina without you."

"It's fine, the ride made a change from hunting fake titans."

"Good. Well... See you." I smiled awkwardly, turning to make my way towards the room where we were cleaning the 3DMG.

"See you, cricket." He called back. I turned to glare at him, before cracking into a smile.

"Don't think you can get away with that." I muttered.

…

I was literally turning the door handle when Levi slammed open the door. He jumped upon seeing me as I frantically moved backwards to avoid trapping my fingers.

"Where the hell have you been?!" He yelled. I chewed on my bottom lip.

"S-sorry..."

"I didn't ask for an apology, brat." Levi growled. "I want to know where you've been."

"I don't know either." I dropped my gaze. "I got lost." Levi regarded me with his sharp eyes. He sighed heavily. I watched as the locks of black hair he had grown out drifted in front of his eyes. Levi clearly had no answer for that. Finally, he stepped aside to let me in. I suddenly noticed that he wasn't wearing his usual necktie and that his top button was undone... Oh god, now I understood why he hid that... I snapped out of it and walked past him.

_Forget the chest! _I instructed myself. _Don't think about his chest! _Maybe I really was turning into a stalker.

Guthrie called across to me where he was cleaning his gear with Kurt. There was a gentle chatter in the room, mixed with the clatter of metal. "Where have you been?" he asked.

"I lost track of time."

"I'm surprised Levi let you off so easily."

"So am I."

"He asked where you were." Kurt grinned. "When we said we had no idea, he seemed really worried." Kurt raised his eyebrows meaningfully. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Shut it, Kurt." Guthrie laughed. "He wasn't worried, he was pissed. I thought he would have murdered you, Lena."

"But he _didn't_." Kurt winked at me. I snorted. Kurt enjoyed gossip more than most females, and his ability to jump from reality to fantastical conclusions astounded me. "I think our little corporal has a thing for you."

"Shut your mouth or I'll pour oil down your throat." I threatened, picking up the bottle and tapping it in front of him. Kurt pouted and went back to cleaning. Guthrie smirked at me.

"Luann was talking about you too."

"Oh please, don't wind me up." I groaned. "I've only just begun to calm down from last time."

"She complained to Levi about how you were always late and suggested that he 'discipline' you properly." Guthrie continued. My eyes shot open... Maybe I did enjoy a bit of gossip, too.

"What did he say?!" I asked, excited.

"He said, 'I'm not her fuckin' baby sitter' and 'are you questioning the level of discipline in my squad?'" I grinned. Kurt joined back in with his own gossip.

"I can read body language well and that bitch _wants _him." Kurt nodded, intelligently. I spluttered.

"I bet she thinks that since Levi is high up, he might be able to help her get into the inner walls." My stomach tightened as I thought of her flirting around Levi, taking advantage of her good looks in order to enter the inner walls. Levi would never fall for something like that.

I scrubbed harder at the gears of my 3DMG, though they were hardly mucky any more. The metal gleamed at me and reflected back my own face distorted and blurred. I glanced up to see Luann walking up to Levi. She held up a piece of 3DMG.

"Oh, she's at it!" Kurt snickered in a hushed voice. We watched avidly, expecting that some drama was about to unfold.

"Heichou, can you help me connect these pieces up again? I forgot how." Luann smiled at the man who turned around, frowning.

"There's fifteen other people in this room. Ask them." He grunted, running a hand through his hair. My heart thumped in my chest; damn, he should do that more often. His bangs dropped back in front of his eyes.

"I wanted to do it properly." Luann tried again, holding out the metal to him.

"You've been training for three years and you can't even put your fuckin' gear back together?" Levi held her gaze, scowling. Luann pouted as Kurt and I snickered. Get told, Luann!

"I've not done it in a while."

"Well I'm not here to give you a private lesson on something you should know." He sat back into his chair and displayed his 'don't-talk-to-me' expression. Luann got the message and flounced off. She hissed to her friends for several minutes after. Looks like her plan to get into the inner walls had been cut off before it had the chance to begin.

**A/N: I was reading Shingeki no Kyojin Gaiden Kuinaki Sentaku and fell in love with Levi when he wears his top button undone... woah. Can't wait for the next chapter. Speaking of chapters, I hope you enjoyed this one! :) **

**I like Kurt; I might feature him more often. I imagine him as the type of person who would really make me laugh in real life but since I'm not funny, I'm finding it hard to convey that, ahah.**


	5. USELESS PRAYERS 1

**USELESS PRAYERS**

"_Lena." Levi called. _

"_Yeah? What's up?" I replied, turning around to face him. The trees shaded his face from me, but somehow I knew what expression he held._

"_I wanted to compliment you on your cricket skills."_

"_My what?"_

"_I saw you playing earlier." He held out an orange to me. "You can have this."_

"_Thanks, I love oranges." I walked towards him down the path and took the orange from his hand._

"_I like oranges too." he replied._

"_Hey, where'd you get this? Oranges are expensive now-a-days, right?"_

"_The black market. I have contacts from my thug days."_

"_THUG DAYS?!" I laughed. Kurt appeared next to me and nudged my shoulder. "Oi." I complained. He winked at me._

"_You, Levi... alloooonne... in a forest." he wiggled his eyebrows._

"_But you're here?"_

"_Oh right," Kurt frowned. "That's true! I'll leave." He left._

I woke up.

That.

Was.  
Possibly.

THE.

Weirdest.

Dream.  
I have ever.

Had.

…

I spent breakfast contemplating my dream and it's meaning. For one, why was Levi in it? Two, why did he bring me an orange and three, I don't even play cricket. Kurt was probably actually very well represented in my dream; he's weird in general. But the whole thing kept replaying in my brain; I didn't know I had the imagination for something so... obscure. What made things so much more confusing was when Levi sat down on the table near mine with an apple and I couldn't help but think, 'didn't he like oranges?'...

I could tell this was going to be one of those days.

Today, my group were completing a physical training exercise. Of course, this would be impossible for me and so I sat on the grass near where they were about to begin. Levi spotted me. He walked over to me in his sports kit- blue shorts and a long, grey tank top. His muscles were pumped from recently warming up. Despite his size, you could never say he didn't look capable of the title, 'Humanity's Strongest Solider'.

"Lena, you can go home for today." Levi said, stopping in front of me. "If it's sport, there's nothing you can really do."

"Ah," I rubbed my neck subconsciously. "I'll just stay here."

"When was the last time you went home?" Levi frowned. I swallowed.

"Not long ago, so I'll just stay here." I couldn't tell him. I didn't know how to say that I didn't have anywhere to return to... or anyone. Just like before, he didn't press me for details. He shrugged and ran a hand through his hair casually. My heart rate soared upwards- he _really_ should do that more often.

"You can clean your room then."

"Ahh, heiichouuu!" I complained. Levi looked at me and raised his eyebrows a little.

"Do what you want, brat." Eventually, he turned away and headed back over to the group of freshly warmed-up individuals. Kurt caught my eyes and winked at me again. I rolled my eyes. Levi had let me off lightly... again.

Maybe I _would_ go out somewhere.

I decided to visit the market, which would be a first for me in a long time. I'd been trapped within the lifestyle of the scouting legion for so long that the real world felt foreign to me. As I walked to the town centre from HQ, change jangling in my pocket and a new feeling of freedom overcoming me, I noticed how the atmosphere changed quickly from a quiet shuffle of people, to a mass gathering of children, grandparents, parents, singles- everyone! It seemed like the whole area had been summoned to the two or three streets where business men and farmers traded their produce for money.

I was jostled about so much that I ended up creating a barrier in front of me to avoid people hitting my arm. Shielding myself with my left forearm, somehow I still managed to get tossed around. The worst thing was, I couldn't exactly 'browse' because I was being swept away with the steady stream of people. Neither could I push my way out as this was impossible in my current physicality. I just peeped over shoulders and let myself get dragged along, muttering apologies under my breath.

Somehow, my ideas never went to plan.

Eventually I broke through the main throb of people and diverted into a smaller area. A man with tanned skin and a line of stubble across his chin waved me over to inspect his stall.

"All good, all cheap!" He exclaimed. "A lovely lady like you needs a good beauty regime, right?" I smiled nervously, ever the shy person around strangers (which completely went against my usual personality), and inspected the stall out of obligation, not curiosity. A dazzling display of concoctions stung my eyes and assaulted my nostrils. I coughed, covering my mouth quickly. "The smell is powerful, isn't it?" The man laughed. I nodded, laughing awkwardly with tears starting to swim in my eyes.

"Wow." I coughed again. "What are they?"

"Face packs. Apply, wait, then see your face glow!"

"Are they radioactive?" I asked, frowning. The man guffawed.  
"Oh no, I meant that they make your skin look healthier."

"Oh, ok. How?"

"They are packed with nutrients."

"I think they'd be wasted on me, sorry." I chewed my lip, moving onto the next stall. I had to ignore the man trying to call me back with prices; I didn't even know if what he was shouting was cheap for a face pack. It's not like I ever wore them. It just looked like mashed vegetables that he was dumping into pots and selling.

Stall owner after stall owner dragged me into their trap and I had to invent more and more reasons to move away. Minutes later though, I found myself smirking at a fruit stall. Destiny had strange ways of appearing in my life. Oranges were sat directly in the centre of the stall, looking fresh and delicious. My mouth watered, imagining the liquids dancing in my mouth and across my tongue. The price sign had a massive cross on it, and under was a new, cheaper label... Hmm...

"Half a dozen, quarter the price!" The woman smiled at me, noticing that I had fallen for her oranges... In the most normal of ways. I let the coins in my pocket run over my fingers and estimated how much I had. I should have at least double, so I took out the change and counted the correct amount. Handing the woman the money, I waited as she bagged up 6 oranges and handed them to me.

"Have a nice day!" she smiled.

"I will!" I grinned back, almost to myself.

I looked at my watch and contemplated how long I had. I wanted to return by lunch, which meant I had at least another hour before I needed to set off on the long walk back. Removing an orange from the bag and holding the rest in the crook of my elbow, I tore off some of the peel and spat it to the side. I almost felt bad for 'littering', but it's not like I could use my other hand. I walked down a small alleyway and left the bustle of the streets. I could hear the echo of heavy footsteps behind me and the murmur of people in front at the end of the alleyway.

The alleyway was only large enough for one person, and because the person behind me was walking so fast, I decided they were in a hurry and stopped to let them past.

As soon as I stopped, a large hand appeared out of nowhere and covered my mouth. My heart rate shot up as I was dragged into a strong lock and the towering man behind me restricted my movement. The bag of oranges scattered onto the floor. The stench of his sweaty, dirty hand became masked as I found it harder and harder to breathe. I tried to scream but his hand muffled the sound. I struggled; I kicked; I screamed again. It was futile.

"SHUT UP!" He bellowed but I only cried out more. "SHUT UP NOW!" Tears began to stream down my face, half from fright and half from pain. My legs frantically swung around but somehow I just couldn't quite reach him. Fear stabbed me in the muscles and set every limb I had quivering as though the temperature had sank below zero. His hand wandered down to my trousers.

_OH GOD NO, PLEASE NOT THAT! OH GOD!_

But instead, it slipped into my pocket and took out my change. My forehead throbbed with relief, though my lungs still tried to heave in as much oxygen as possible past his hand. When he had taken all my money, he released me momentarily, only to kick me violently into the floor and sprint away.

I didn't bother trying to run after him.

I didn't even watch him go.

I just lay on the floor and sobbed, attempting to block out the pain thundering along every nerve in my arm. My stomach ached. My heart pounded like the beating of a horse's hooves. I cried.

I admit it. I cried, not caring that every bit of my usual dignity was being sucked out of me. I no longer tried to hold the tears back like I had done throughout my life; I was scared. I had been so scared. But, more than anything in those moments, I wanted Levi.

I needed Levi.

…

It took time, but I managed to compose myself enough to stand. I bundled the oranges up and tried to leave the alleyway like nothing had happened. I avoided places bustling with people, but equally, I avoided places where there was no one. I felt, rather than saw, that my hair had come undone. Recently, Ava had been helping me since it was hard with one arm. Bangs of my tangled, brown hair stuck out in pieces and drifted in front of my eyes. I half-limped back to HQ, holding onto my arm.

How was I going to face people?

I didn't have the energy to smile and I felt like I had been dragged through several hedges not only backwards, but every other way too. I thought about not returning back at all, but that would definitely be more suspicious. I felt sick with the prospect of looking people in the eyes, remembering the sorry state I had been in earlier. I had thought that I was strong; I'd always thought that if someone attacked me, I'd at least put up a good fight. Instead, I had cried and screamed like a toddler. And worst of all, I had pined for Levi.

His strength was unimaginable and no one would mess with him. One look in his eyes and every one who didn't know him would flinch and think twice about approaching him. I convinced myself that that's why I had wanted him in those moments; I disgusted myself at how I had been so defenceless. The money didn't matter to me. In fact, the thug would probably laugh at the petty amount he had gained from all that effort. His threatening presence appeared in my thoughts again and my head whipped around to check I wasn't being followed.

I wasn't. Of course I wasn't.

But it suddenly hit me that I was such an easy target. A young girl, unfamiliar with the area, hidden by the bustle of people with a broken arm and no one to help her. I should have guessed that someone would have taken that opportunity. My stomach heaved.

Thankfully, HQ's towering figure came into sight and unusually offered me relief. For once, the castle was not an intimidating figure and instead, a safe place that I couldn't wait to hide myself within. People were slowly appearing from all over the place and filtering into the building for lunch. I made for the door.

Suddenly, I heard footsteps behind me.

**LEVI-**

Lena was walking funnily. Her hand massaged her stomach and her head was down. I noticed that her hair, which was usually extremely neat, had escaped from it's clip and scattered messily. She had a bag of something nestled in the crook of her left elbow. I approached her curiously. Just before I spoke, she span around.

The words I had been about to say vanished. I felt my eyes widen as I took in her panicked expression and noticed the sheen of sweat on her forehead. She stepped back quickly. Upon seeing it was me, her eyes almost returned to normal but still withheld their scared appearance. She looked like a rabbit centimetres from the wheels of a moving wagon.

"A-ah, Levi," she stammered. "I didn't expect to see you here." Lena's face cracked into a small smile, showing teeth but no heart.

"What happened?" I asked. I walked beside her back to the building, noticing how she avoided looking at me. "Oi, Lena." I pressed again, this time more sternly.

"I fell in the street earlier and I'm still a bit wobbly." She replied. I snorted disbelievingly.

"You've been into town?" I asked.

"Yeah, it was full of people!" she smiled again but she was so transparent. I spotted Guthrie just ahead of us. If I let her notice him, she'd probably try to blend into a large group of people and avoid my questions. I stopped walking and pulled Lena behind the building where no one could see. Her timid eyes widened again. Why was she so scared?

"Lena!" I grunted, scowling at her. Her bottom lip wobbled and she looked away. "There's something wrong! Tell me." I felt my heart beat faster; anything could happen in a city full of people. All sorts of disgusting people with disgusting intentions milled around and took advantage of others... Girls especially.

I slammed my fist onto the wall near her head, suddenly tense. She flinched and shielded her face with her left hand. "Please." Taking her hand and gently moving it to her side, my mind raced with possibilities- none were pleasant. She finally looked into my eyes... And burst into tears.

I let her burrow her face into my chest, her tears mingling with the sweat on my top. She cried- proper tears- and her breath hiccuped. She whimpered, letting me stroke her hair softly as I muttered calming words into her hair. Something was definitely wrong, and this was only making my heart beat sky rocket as I pictured different scenarios in my head.

"I'm such a -hic- pathetic girl!" Lena cursed. "I did nothing."

"What happened?" I whispered, lifting her chin to look at me. She burst into tears again.

"He, he came up behind me..." she started. "And I couldn't move." If there ever was a time where I had wanted to snap someone's neck, it was now. "He took my money and-" She scowled, looking away again. "He hit me and ran off."

Now, it's probably disgusting for me to say this, but I was relieved. I was so happy.

"Ah." I sighed. "It was just that." Lena looked up, her eyes bubbling with tears still. "Are you hurt?"

"N-no," Lena shook her head. I hadn't realised that I'd been holding her until now. I let her go and she moved away, wiping her eyes.

"I'm so pathetic." She grumbled again. I almost laughed.

"What are you supposed to do with a broken arm, idiot." I paused. "And why did you go on your own?!"

"Ah," she ignored me, taking the bag that was still around her arm and opening it. "For you." She took out an orange and smiled. This time, it was a real smile (if slightly shaky). I frowned.

"What? An orange?" I took it and span it around in my fingers. "It's just an orange."

"Don't you like them?"

"No, I do." My eyebrows drew even closer. "Is this all you bought?" She nodded. I felt myself smiling, but didn't show it.

"Ite!" I flicked her on the nose.

"You should have bought something worthwhile," I chided. "We have these here!"

"They run out quickly though." She pouted. "Be grateful."

"Why would I be grateful for something like this?" I sniffed. She reached up to take it back but I held it above her head. "Thanks." Lena looked at me and smiled again.

_Thank God. _I thought. _She's smiling again. _

"Do you want to go to lunch?" I asked. She looked at the floor and breathed deeply. "You don't have to."

"People will ask where I've been though." A lock of her hair fell in front of her red-rimmed eyes. She looked a mess.

"You were punished for wandering off and forced to clean my room." I said. She sniffed.

"People would actually believe that."

"Good, because it's happening." I stepped back and returned to a more serious expression. "When I said that you could do what you want, I didn't mean that you could wander off and get into trouble." Lena raised an eyebrow. "You're skipping lunch and cleaning my room. Go."

"Levi!" She whined. "You're not serious, are you?"

"Oi, brat." I spat. "It's corporal to you." Again, she pouted at me, before shaking her head and walking into the building. I watched her go, before I released the fist I hadn't realised I had been clenching, inspecting the glowing dents in my hand where my fingernails had dug in.

"Scum bag." I growled, feeling the tension within me spark again. "_If I ever find out who it was, I'll slaughter him._"

…

Balancing her sandwich in one hand and my own in the other, I approached the door to my room and gingerly tapped the door with one foot. There was no reply, but the previous 'humming' had stopped. Idiot.

"It's me," I spat. "Hurry the fuck up." Instantly, the door opened. Lena grinned at the two plates and let me inside. Resting them down on the desk, I saw that she had put down the brush in order to eat. "Don't think that you're eating now." I scowled. "It's an incentive to do it properly."

"Leeevi!" She whined at me. This was becoming a regular occurrence. I didn't like it.

"It's corporal." I sank into my chair and began picking at the sandwich. "Make that mistake once more and I'll break your other arm."

"Yes corporal." She sighed, kneeling back down in front of the dustpan and sweeping grains of dust into it. There wasn't much dirt in my room; I was surprised that she had found any. "Heichou?" I looked up from my food and glared at her for interrupting.

"What?"

"Why don't you ever have the rice option at lunch?" Lena's mouth was twitching and I could tell she was up to something.

"Because I prefer meat."

"Protein is good for growth." She mused, trying to be nonchalant. "Ite!" The pen I had thrown smacked her right on the head. She tried to pout at me, but smirked.

"You're not any taller than me, brat."

"I am!" Lena gasped. She stood up as if to prove a point.

"You're not." I continued to eat. Lena opened her mouth to argue, then stopped.

"Have you been taking notice?" she asked. I frowned. "Don't they call that... small-man complex?"

"The only complex I have is CDO."

"CDO?"

"OCD, except the letters need to be in alphabetical order." Lena spluttered into laughter.

"Haha!" She grinned. "Levi can make a joke!" I just looked at her blankly, until I felt a smile tug at my lips and quickly began eating again. "That was good." She complimented, eventually stopping giggling.

Once she had finished sweeping the floor, I beckoned her over and handed her the plate. She thanked me and pulled up a chair to the table.

"What are we doing next?" she asked.

"_I'm_ having a shower and getting changed, while _you_ finish cleaning." she just looked at me. I shrugged. "Do what you want." Then, I thought better of that. "No, the last time I said that you ended up getting mugged. You can have a shower too and then do something useful."

"Like what?"

"The cadets are doing the obstacle course again, but Hanji is conducting some experiment on Eren so I need to be there with my squad. You can be Hanji's tea bitch."

"Yessir!" She mock saluted. I pondered how she would be able to carry so many cups of tea with one arm, but decided she could figure out her own way. I wasn't going to let her out of my sight today; she had terrible luck and no common sense.

I remembered that Erwin was supposed to be returning this evening and sighed with relief. Finally I could go back to normal duties and not baby sitting. At some point, either before or after the expedition, we would promote one more squad leader who would take charge of the new squad. I'd be able to spend more time with my own team again and actually perform my duty to watch over Eren. I finished my sandwich and stood to get my stuff for a shower. Lena quickly finished hers and brushed the crumbs off from my desk. I scowled at her.

"You better get rid of those."

"I will," she nodded.

"Outside." I added.

"Of course."

"Don't get lost or climb any mountains."

"I won't."

"Have a shower, then come find me."

"I will."

"You're being surprisingly obedient and that worries me." I grimaced. Lena just tilted her head and raised an eyebrow.

"See you in twenty minutes." she turned and left the room, carrying the crumbs in her left hand. _There's no way she is going to take those outside_, I sighed. _She better not dump them where I can see them._

…

I closed my eyes and let the freezing cold water slide over my hot skin. My hair flopped into my eyes and stuck to my head, twisting as I ran my fingers through it. Muffled voices filtered from both sides of the building; men and women chattered to each other in the showers. I ran the soap over my body and noticed the strong scent drift into my nose. Bubbles dripped from my arms and legs, washed away suddenly as a cascade of water pushed through. It was a great feeling. To wash away the sweat and replace it with the sweet, clean smell of soap... Perfect after a day working.

The showers weren't as full as usual. The main bustle from the day was in the mornings and evenings. People rarely had time to shower after lunch. A conversation from the woman's side filtered through the panels and caught my attention-

"That Lena," someone growled. "Has pissed me off from the moment we joined." Ahh, I guessed this was Luann.

"Yeah, you two had a lot of arguments." Another voice agreed.

"I hate how cocky she is!" Luann continued. "She acts like a man sometimes when she's a girl!"

"Like that time when she punched the guy who was caught in the female training dorms for a dare."

"Exactly." Luann agreed. I found myself smirking. "She was raised like a savage by her father. He was a farmer. They reared animals, for god's sake. She was raised around animals."

"Yet isn't she, like, terrified of horses?"

"Yeah." Luann paused. "But what I hate the most about her, is how she gains attention from all the guys with her sob story about her brother."

"She has a brother?"

"He apparently joined the Military Police, but she hasn't seem him since. Kurt once asked her about it during training, and she went on for ages about how amazing he was and how he was going to change the Military Police for good. If they were so close, then why hasn't she heard from him?" Luann scoffed. "He probably hated her and wanted to get away."

"Or he might be dead." The other person muttered.

"Yeah, well, I hope she recovers from her broken arm quickly. Then she can go out on an expedition and she might die or something." I gritted my teeth.

"Who's going to die?" Another voice chimed in. It was Lena; she sounded pissed. My stomach twisted as I wondered how much of this she had heard. Straining against my dignity to listen, I glared at the wall, as though somehow I'd be able to see through it.

"Lena!" Luann spluttered.

"Haven't you got anything better to do than bitch?" she spat. Neither of the other two said anything. "At least do it somewhere where I won't find out."

"Who cares if you hear anyway?" Luann eventually bit back. "Everyone knows we don't get on. If I say something like that, then it shouldn't exactly be a surprise."

"Fine, then I can say this," Lena replied. "You're a bitch who flutters around Levi like some ugly moth, trying to get with him so you can get into the inner walls." I raised an eyebrow. Luann gasped. "That wasn't a surprise, was it? Since we already hate each other." Luann snorted.

"I've given up on that plan anyway. He isn't high enough rank to get me into the inner walls."

"How would that have worked anyway?"

"Well, dumb-ass, if Levi had fallen for me, then he'd have wanted me out of harm's way and let me transfer to the Military Police."

"There's a massive floor in your plan." I imagined Lena smirking now.

"What?" Luann shot back.

"The part where Levi 'falls for you'." There was a pause before Luann laughed.

"Yeah, I admit. I was wrong. It turns out that he's an unapproachable git who's likely to die a virgin. He acts like there's a stick constantly stuck up his ass." This time, it was Lena that laughed.

"Did you hear that, Levi?" she called. I felt myself jump. "You're listening now, right?" I smirked and turned off the shower, shaking my head. Luann's angry responses slowly faded out as I headed outside. 'Stop lying, bitch', 'I'm not going to fall for that'... etc, etc.

"Damn clever brat." I cursed.

**AN: Thanks for all the reviews! * takes cookie * Thank you! * eats cookie ***

**Nom nom.**

**I'm glad you're all liking this fanfic, but don't be scared to tell me about the stuff you don't like ^_^ I'm trying not to plan this fanfic much, because when I plan I tend to write bout what's going to happen in the fic, then it never happens because I get carried away and there's continuity errors galore... However, I recently had an idea for the ending and I'm hitting myself like "THATS TOO HORRIBLE!", but I think I might end up doing it... ehe :D**

**I'm running out of words to use for 'scowl' and 'glower' and 'frown' haha. Levi! You scowl too much! **

**Thanks again for reading:) * gives Levi plushie to all readers ***


	6. USELESS PRAYERS 2

**USELESS PRAYERS 2**

**LENA-**

I combed my hair, letting the wet clumps drip down my back, before I dried it with a towel again and re-combed it. When it was dry enough to stop dripping, I dressed into my uniform and headed out. It was annoying to have a shower in the middle of the day. Now I had to go outside with wet hair; it must be so easy for men. Except maybe Kurt. His hair was almost as long as mine.

Finding Levi was easier said than done. He wasn't in his room and I found that no one knew where he was, since he often drifted around HQ like a cat. He probably knew loads of alley-way short cuts too, so he could slink through the building unnoticed. Plus, there was the fact that people saw him and immediately walked the other way to avoid getting shouted at.

In the end, I found him outside with Eren and Hanji. Hanji was explaining something to them both, whilst Eren gulped and nodded.

"I understand." He said, his green eyes looking worried but determined. I joined the group just as Levi turned to me. He looked me up and down and sighed.

"Oi brat," he frowned. "You'll catch a cold with wet hair."

"Do you want me to just put my head in a fire or something then?" I rolled my eyes. Men. "There's nothing I can do about that. It'll dry faster in the sun anyway." Levi raised an eyebrow and looked up pointedly to the sky. It was bleak to say the least. Clouds coated the sky in a thick layer, tinted with dark blue bellies hinting rain.

"Yeah, in the sun." He scoffed. Hanji interrupted our bickering to explain the experiment, just as Levi's team sauntered over. I glared at Auruo and felt the sparks exploding in the atmosphere between us. Levi flicked me hard on the nose.

"So, we're going to get Eren to perform numerous motor movements in his titan form." Hanji continued. "Then, we'll time how long he can maintain his form. If he's in a fit enough state after, we will time how long it takes before we can get him to transform again, and see if his transformation is complete, or like the day when he blocked the cannon and incomplete."

"Jeez, at least take a breath, Hanji!" Erdo complained.

"Basically, the titan-freak transforms and you wait for my signal whilst the other titan-freak examines him."

"Yes sir!" His team saluted.

"Well then, Eren!" Hanji smiled. "Shall we get started?"

**...**

"We need you to have a goal." Hanji mused. "So far, normal goals haven't worked." She looked pointedly at the blood on Eren's hand and mouth. Eren cursed himself. "Before, your strong desire to protect someone has driven you." The team fell silent, thinking of an idea. Levi eventually got annoyed with the waiting about.

"How about you transform to protect your own life," He muttered darkly. "I'm starting to get annoyed." Eren tensed, but shook his head.

"I don't think that'd work." He mumbled.

"Well, find something that _will_ work!" Levi was exasperated. An idea sparked in my brain. I looked around for someone who Eren knew well, but found no one. I gestured to Hanji to come over and whispered in her ear. Hanji's eyes widened, then gleamed with the prospect of an idea that might actually work. Levi watched us, one eyebrow raised. Hanji looked around until her eyes stopped upon the HQ building. She smiled.

"Eh hem," Hanji cleared her throat. "We have an idea."

"Spill it then, shitty glasses."

"You won't like it." Hanji warned. Levi narrowed his eyes and waited for her to continue. "We need to put Eren in a situation where he _has _to transform."

"Yeah, I knew that." Levi scowled further. "How?"

"Let's say... we put someone in danger."

"Like what?" Levi was already prepared to reject the idea.

"What if... someone he knew was falling from a building...?" Hanji prepared herself for the verbal attack.

"So," Levi's tone was dangerous. "You're suggesting that we push someone off from a building so that Eren _must_ transform in order to save them?"

"Exactly!"

"And who will be pushed from the building?" Levi was definitely pissed. He clenched his fists by his sides, already knowing the answer to his question. Eren was looking around nervously.

"Lena has already volunteered. She's a girl and she's already injured. She has the sympathy factor."

"No." Levi snapped. "No, you are NOT pushing someone off a FUCKIN BUILDING to get him to transform! Find another way!"

"There's no other way!" Hanji shouted back. "Eren can only transform under pressure!"

"And what if he doesn't FUCKING TRANFORM?!"

"He will! I know it!.. And Lena is prepared for that risk."  
"Well I'm FUCKING NOT!" Levi turned to me and grabbed me by the collar. "Are you insane?!"

"I want to be of help to mankind," I shrugged. "And I trust that Hanji's predictions will be correct."

"You!" He growled deeply, gritting his teeth. "Will NOT do this. Do you understand?"

"Levi!" Hanji snapped. "Talk to me for a minute." She pulled him aside away from Eren and me. They fumed in the distance at each other, debating for what seemed like hours. Eventually, Levi stormed off and Hanji came back to us.

"I'm not happy with this," Eren shook his head.

"That's the point." Hanji replied. "Levi's given us the go ahead. Eren, go wait by the building while Lena goes to the top floor."

"What?!" Eren gasped. "You can't be serious?!"

"This development may help mankind. If we can get you to transform at least once, we'll learn a lot. That information is vital."

"Levi AGREED to this?!" Eren's eyes were wide and frightened. I felt sorry for him; my life now rested in his hands.

"Look, Eren, you either catch her or she dies." Hanji said bluntly, before pulling me away.

"There was a condition, wasn't there?" I said once we were out of ear shot. Hanji smiled.

"Yeah. Levi has gone to get his 3DMG to catch you if you fall past a certain height." That brought immense relief to me. My idea had been insane and I wasn't willing to die, but the recent incident where I couldn't even defeat a mere human showed me just how useless I was. I wanted to do something worthwhile for mankind. I wanted to show my worth until this bastard arm healed.

"That's a relief." I sighed.

"He'll meet us on the top floor. Don't say anything to him or he'll change his mind."

"I won't."

Minutes later, we had climbed to the roof of the HQ and shortly after, Levi appeared. Looking over the edge, I saw that he had notified his squad who were hovering near Eren in case of an emergency. Levi's face was colder than ice; he was ready to murder someone, never mind save them. He never once met my eyes as he withdrew his pistons with the swords attached. I walked to the edge and looked around.

Birds. White doves soared in the air and landed on the rooftops. The sky had cleared enough for blasts of vibrant sunlight to filter through and patch the ground all around into contrasts of light and dark that rippled gently. A light breeze tugged at my heavy, damp hair and cooled my face. If this was the last thing I'd ever see, I'd be happy...

Or would I?

As Hanji signalled to them on the ground and nodded at me to jump, I turned and took one last glance at Levi. For a second, I thought I saw his cold expression crack. He started forward as I began to fall, eyes widened in fright and mouth calling my name over the wind. 'Lena! Stop!' He mouthed. 'Please!' I felt my stomach lurch as the safety of ground slipped from under me. My eyes were still on Levi as I began to tumble backwards. He reached over the edge for my hand; I smiled.

If this was the last thing I'd ever see, I'd be happy. "Levi," I muttered as the wind brushed away my voice. "You look cute when you're worried."

And I fell.

**HANJI-**

Everything happened in a flash. Lena fell; Levi moved. He was prepared to jump after her already even though he had agreed to wait until we knew that Eren had failed. On the ground, I saw Eren bite his hand. He bit it again and again frantically, blood dripping onto the ground and staining his mouth. I tackled Levi to the floor, determined that Eren could do it.

"WAIT A WHILE LONGER-"  
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" Levi roared, wrestling against me. We both freed ourselves from the tangle of bodies and looked over the edge, hearts pounding. Lena was still falling. Suddenly, a wave of nausea smacked me in the gut as I anticipated Lena's death. No, I hadn't been wrong. I couldn't be wrong. Please, don't let me be wrong.

FLASH!

We both stopped moving, frozen on the rooftop as a blinding light exploded from the ground. It took me a few seconds to realise what was going on. Eren had transformed. When everything calmed down, I unshielded my eyes again and looked over the edge. Lena was in Eren's titan hands.

"PHEW!" I laughed, letting go of the tension that had nearly given me a heart attack. "That was close!" Beside me, Levi slumped onto the floor and clenched his fists, waiting for his heart to stop pounding. He breathed deeply, hands trembling.

"Tell no one of this, shitty-glasses." He threatened, eventually finding the strength to stand up. I stood up too. We headed back to the door leading to the HQ stairway and I clasped both hands behind my head.

"Say, Levi," I spoke. "Do you hate me?" Levi didn't reply. "No, Hanji!" I put on a high pitched voice and answered myself. "I understand the act you put up needed to be believable." The last thing I saw was a boot heading straight for my stomach.

**…**

**LENA-**

Suddenly, the earth stopped flying past and I was cupped in a burning hot layer of tissue. Eren quickly put me onto the floor, letting me roll off his gigantic fingertips. I curled up into a ball and whined in agony at my arm, feeling tears sting my eyes.

"Lena! Are you okay?!" Someone yelled. It was Petra.

"I'm fine!" I said through gritted teeth. "It's my arm!"

A few minutes later, the pain subsided enough for me to sit up. I gave the thumbs up to Eren, who seemed to not know what to do with himself. The whole of Levi's team were on high alert. They had seen Eren's half-transformation before when he had picked up the spoon a few days ago. The scars on their hands still signified their trust in him, but their human emotions created doubt nevertheless.

I was just being helped to my feet when Levi and Hanji ran over. Hanji practically leapt through the air. "AHHH!" She screamed. "EREN! SUCCESS!" Levi came straight over to me and looked me up and down, before violently spinning me around and looking again. He then turned me back around and flicked me on the nose.

"Brat." he scowled. "I wasn't worried." I gulped as I remembered what I had said.

"Y-you heard that?!"

"You keep getting yourself into more and more trouble! Try being more like the other new cadets." he ignored me. I pouted at him and batted my eyelashes.

"Okay, then Levi," I preened in a higher intonation than my usual speech. "Get me into the inner walls." I winked. Levi smacked me on the chin so that I bit my tongue.

"ITE!"

"Cocky brat." he sneered.

I sat out a little away from the action to watch the rest of the display. Hanji bounded around Eren, calling instructions to him as Levi watched with a constantly unimpressed expression. Eren raised his arms as Hanji examined his muscles, watching them contract and relax in a similar way to human muscles. Whenever Hanji tried to get Eren to speak, Eren made a few grunts like thunder and shook his head. Within two minutes, Eren started to respond less and less quickly to Hanji's commands, repeatedly shaking his huge head and pounding the ground until five minutes later, he stood up and completely ignored her.

"Sit down Eren!" Hanji shouted again. "Sit!"

"Hanji, we're taking over." Levi grunted. He signalled his squad to be ready and walked up to Eren. "Eren, listen to me." he commanded, his tone scarily serious. "Go back to human form." A distressed whine erupted from Eren's mouth, but nothing further happened.

"No, Levi!" Hanji shouted. "I haven't finished!"

"Well I have." Levi frowned. He fired out his 3DMG and propelled himself into the air, twisting and turning faster than I'd ever seen anyone move. This was the first time I had seen Levi in action and jesus, he was fast. Within seconds, he had cut Eren from the titan's body and dragged his scorching corps onto the grass. The titan frame immediately began to disappear into a cloud of smoke as Hanji cried out in frustration.

Eren was barely conscious. His eyes fluttered open and shut. His usual complexion was many shades lighter as he tried to focus on Levi who stood over him.

"How's your body?" Levi asked. Eren's head lolled forward.

"Not so... good." he said, before passing out.

Levi carried Eren's limp body in his arms back to Eren's dungeon (room) so that he could rest. Hanji had disappeared back to her lab, half-annoyed, half-ecstatic. Looking at Levi like this, he seemed very Prince-like... if not a miserable, unsociable prince. His strong arms easily held the boy, who was much taller than him, and he didn't once complain on the long walk down stairs to the dungeon.

"You look very princely." I commented, keeping my eyes forward to prevent myself from laughing. Levi said nothing and continued walking. "Eren would make a brilliant princess. He has nice eyes and conditioned hair."

"Have you been taking notice?" Levi asked, his eyes boring into the side of my head.

"I didn't mean like that." I snorted. Another silence dragged out between us.

"I'm still pissed at you." he broke the silence. My eyes shot over to him and my mouth gaped.

"You're annoyed with me?!" He just glared at me in response. "But I-!"

"I told you not to get into trouble." he interrupted.

"I helped, didn't I?" I pouted. What he had said had shaken me. I hadn't realised I had upset him that badly. I knew that he didn't want to risk someone's life for the sake of Eren's transformation, but I didn't know he was annoyed that I'd put myself at risk... again. "Sorry." I muttered, looking away. The hallways began to get darker and darker as we descended, but worst of all, the silence between us was no longer a comfortable silence, but an awkward one. All of a sudden, Levi spoke-

"I guess you'll have to repay me somehow." Levi said. I frowned.

"How?"

"Let's see..." he faked thinking deeply. "One day slave pass."

"No way."

"Who said it was a choice?"

"You'll just make me clean all day!"

"So?"

"No." I said, strongly. Levi shrugged, almost slipping his grip on Eren.

"Then I won't forgive you."

"This is blackmail."

"Exactly."

"But you-!" I cursed, getting frustrated. "Oh fine! One condition!"

"Why is this suddenly something to negotiate?" Levi huffed. He listened nonetheless.

"One slave day accounts for forgiveness of TWO occasions. This, and one other in the future."

"You're such a petty bitch." he spat. "Deal."

"Deal." I agreed, grinning. Levi looked at my gaping smile and sighed.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to regret that?" I just snickered.

…

"Welcome back, Erwin," Levi grunted. He didn't grunt in a disrespectful way, but he simply couldn't muster enough energy to make it seem like he was happy that Erwin had come back. Erwin nodded and thanked him.

We were sat in the dungeon when Erwin had arrived. I was leaning against the wall from my position on the floor outside Eren's cell bars. Levi was sat on the chair meant for Eren's night guard, one leg crossed over the other and his arms folded loosely across his broad chest. Eren was asleep on his bed, still recovering from the events of the day. When the commander entered, he spoke to Levi before nodding in recognition to me. I resisted the strong urge to stand and salute, before realising I was kind of disabled right now.

"I was looking for you, Levi," Erwin said. "I need to go over the expedition plans with you and Hanji this evening."

"Now, or after dinner tonight?"

"Now. There's a lot to talk about." Levi sighed and stood up, glancing at me before he left.

"You're not leaving?" He asked.

"No, I'll stay here until he wakes up." I replied, looking over at Eren's sleeping face. A piece of his fringe had dangled into his eyes and was tickling his eyelid. His eye twitched in irritation but he didn't wake.

"He's not going anywhere." Levi frowned. "Plus it's a bit creepy to watch someone sleep."

"I have nothing else to do." I shrugged. Erwin gave Levi a look that said 'hurry up', and Levi immediately followed. Just before he rounded the corner, he took one last brief look in my direction.

"Stalker." He muttered, before leaving.

I fumed.

It wasn't long before my bum was freezing cold on the stone slabs. I shuffled about in discomfort and in the end, stood to transfer myself over to the chair. As I sat, the wood groaned under my weight. I scowled at the chair. "You didn't do that for Levi." Twisting so that I was comfortable, the chair sighed again. "Oi, I'm not that fat."

"You can't possibly be talking to a chair." someone said. My head shot up and I saw that someone had entered the dungeon. It was a female with short black hair and a beautiful face. She looked oriental and I immediately deduced that she must be Eren's friend- Mikasa.

"Chairs have feelings too," I said. "You've come to see Eren?"

"Yeah, I heard that he collapsed." Her brow was furrowed with worry, emphasised by the line of her forehead.

"He's just resting after a transformation." I said, trying to ease her stress. "Do you want to sit?" I asked, standing up.

"No thanks." I sat back down slowly. She pressed her face between the bars and sighed deeply. "Was this that short-bastard's fault?" she swore, mostly to herself.

"Short?" I raised an eyebrow. "You don't mean Levi, do you?"

"Just calling him Levi... Are you two close?" If I had been drinking, I'd have spat it out.

"No!" I spluttered. "He's just the leader of my team... for now."

"I see."

"Anyway, it wasn't his fault. It was mine." It was clear that Mikasa thought there was something else to it (or she didn't believe me), because the physical attack I expected next never happened.

"What?"

"Hanji wanted to conduct an experiment, and Levi was against it." I shrugged. "I gave them an idea and Levi was not happy about it. It all worked out though."

"What idea?" Mikasa said, dangerously.

"I'll let Eren tell you, but he wasn't in any real danger."

"Good." She said, turning back to look at her friend. "I don't know what I'd do without him."

This made me think. Was there anyone in my life that I couldn't live without? Anyone who's death would tear me apart?... I considered it. Ava, Guthrie and Kurt were my dearest friends. Recently, they had helped me through so much and we had gotten ever closer. I don't think I could live without them. Then there was my brother... Yet I lived without him everyday; I had no idea where he was. I'd already lost my mother and sister in the titan attack. My father had also gone missing, but there were rumours floating around that he was dead. I'd already experienced the pain of losing someone important to me...

I think, if I lost Levi...

I laughed. Mikasa looked at me, puzzled. "Sorry, I was just thinking of something." I shook my head. Levi couldn't die; he was humanity's strongest. I'd be eaten a thousand times over before a titan even got close enough to munch on his leg. I felt my stomach twist. Bad. Bad. Don't think such things- you're disgusting! I shuddered. The titans were a terrifying set of beasts. They ate and ate, without need or mercy. They crushed. They smiled. They-

_Bile swirled in my stomach, made worse by the constant jolting and lack of oxygen. I ran; I ran faster than I thought my legs were capable. Beside me, my mother dragged my little sister, constantly screaming at her to speed up. I was consumed by a violent panic. My heart beat drummed louder and louder, accompanied by the crescendo of roaring blood that even managed to block out the staccato of my heart. People screamed like badly tuned violins in this hell-ish orchestra my life had become. No words; just screams._

_Everything seemed to be against me now. I felt the very air push against my body as I resisted it, running for my life. Again and again, I saw the people being plucked from the earth like flowers, and crushed between teeth that sent only petals of blood to the floor. Those petals were the only sign that those people had ever lived. Later, they too would be washed away by rain._

_Suddenly, a cloud of dust exploded to my right and consumed the air, turning it into poison that I sucked in sharply. Coughing coughing, spluttering but still running, running until-_

"_LENA!" someone screamed. A child. My sister. "HELP ME! MUMMY!" The whole world stopped. I skidded to a halt, turned and looked up in time to see my sister's screaming body get crushed between giant jaws. Petals of blood erupted from her now limp form, falling onto my face as I stared at the grotesque monster before me. A drop of blood landed on my tongue. I threw up._

"How long has he been unconscious?" Mikasa asked, smashing me back into reality. I covered my mouth with my hand, heaving. She turned and looked at me, confused.

"S-sorry." I said. "I've got to go." With that, I stood up and left.

**LEVI-**

"We leave for the expedition the day after tomorrow." Erwin said. My eyebrows shot up.

"What about the new cadets?" I asked.  
"They're coming too."

"What?!" Hanji gasped. "They'll mostly die!"

"I'm waging everything on this." Erwin replied. I gauged his expression, trying to figure out his plan. "For now, we need to make plans to instruct the whole legion on our new plan and spend tomorrow preparing to leave."

"Alright." I agreed. "What do we do with Lena?"

"Who?" Erwin frowned.

"The new cadet who's broken her arm."

"She can stay." he dismissed. I felt a weight on my shoulders lift slightly.

We continued to discuss the expedition plans until far past dinner time. I was beginning to feel hungry and irritated as Erwin discussed every minute detail. Eventually, though, he rounded up the meeting. I stood up to leave, feeling very conflicted. If what Erwin was saying was true... Well, I'd rather not skip to conclusions. But it was clear that this expedition could be vital; Hanji sensed it too.

We walked in a thoughtful silence to the dinner hall and I opened the door, immediately being smacked with a wave of chatter. "Ugh." I grumbled.

"Come on Levi," Hanji grinned. "Let's eat."

Walking into the room, I spotted Lena sat with Guthrie and Ava. Their other friend seemed to be sat elsewhere for once. There was a space on their table; I eyed it up. I took my food and made my way to their table. Placing down my food opposite Lena, the three of them looked up.

"Heichou!" Guthrie and Ava shot to attention.

"Levi." Lena nodded.

"Stalker." I nodded back. Steam practically vented from her ears, but she calmed herself and sipped the soup she had. "What was his sleeping face like?" I asked. Lena dropped her spoon clumsily and scowled at me.

"Beautiful. Just beautiful." She said sarcastically, picking up her spoon with her left hand again.

"Did the brat wake up?"

"I left when Mikasa came." Lena shrugged.

"Ah," I mused. "Stalker vs stalker. That would have been funny."

"Who have you been stalking, Lena?" Guthrie joined in, sensing the casual atmosphere.

"I haven't." Lena gave Guthrie a stare that said 'one more word and I shove this spoon down your throat'. He chuckled. Lena fiddled with the spoon again, clearly having trouble.

"Do you need help?" Guthrie asked, reaching to take the spoon from her hand. I moved fast, before my brain had even caught up, and snatched the spoon from her hand. She looked at me quizzically.

"Open up, brat." I grinned, moving the spoon to her lips. She blushed madly, face turning from a pale peach to a crimson red in seconds.

"N-no thanks!" she stammered. I smiled even more, drinking in her embarrassed blush. Wow, her eyes were so attractive today. I couldn't tell whether it was the lighting or what, but her irises looked like melted chocolate and the angle from which I sat across from her accentuated how long her eyelashes were.

"Come on," I smirked. "You're clearly having trouble." Lena pouted at me, before practically biting the spoon off. She moved so fast I barely even knew she'd done it. "Is it nice?" I asked.

"What's with you, suddenly..." She turned her face as she swallowed to try and hide her blush.

"Heichou, I think you should stop teasing her now." Guthrie joked. I narrowed my eyes at him. For some reason, this guy really pissed me off. In reply to him, I lifted another spoon full of soup to Lena's lips. Eventually, Lena stopped blushing and finished her meal (with my help). I tucked into my own, which was now cold, as she chatted with her friends.

"You made a new record in the obstacle course?!" Lena gasped. "That's great!"

"New under 25's record." Guthrie corrected. "Levi heichou holds the main record." Lena glanced at me; I huffed.

"But maybe one day, I'll be as great at Levi heichou." Guthrie smiled at me politely, but all I could muster back was another 'hn'.

"Unsociable bastard." Lena muttered under her breath. Guthrie elbowed her as I dealt her my best 'do you want to die' look. I guess she was still annoyed at me calling her a stalker.

"What have you been up to today?" Ava changed the subject.

"This and that," Lena shrugged. "I went to the market. Which was... f-fun." Only I noticed the stammer in her words as she remembered the earlier incident. I met her eyes, remembering how she had sobbed into my shirt... Che, that'd need some serious washing now. "How did you do in the obstacle course?"

"Really badly." Ava sighed. "I'm not that strong, so I relied on others to push me over."

"You're really good with horses though," Lena complimented her. "I can't even look at one without something bad happening."

"You can't look at _anything_ without something bad happening." I sniffed. Lena glared at me. When she didn't blink at me, holding my eyes for over thirty seconds, Ava quietly nudged her.

"What are you doing?" She whispered.

"Waiting for something bad to happen, like his face might turn into a pile of horse shit or something."

"Oh, and that'd be a bad thing?" I smirked.

"Yeah of course," Lena rolled her eyes, breaking eye contact. "You'd lose all those _stunning _good looks you have."

Petra tapped me on the shoulder before I could retort. I twisted in my seat to look at her. She stood next to Erdo.

"Heichou, we're having a party tonight before we go out on the expedition." she said. "If you want to come, then we'll be in that empty room on the top floor again." I paused, remembering the last party we had... then shivered.

"No thanks." I muttered, turning back to Lena.

"Ahh heichou!" Petra whined. More people whining. Petra must have picked up the habit from Lena.

"I don't feel like spending the whole night up and the whole morning flat out on the floor. I have work to do, unlike some."

"You don't have to stay all night." Erdo joined in.

"Yeah, Levi. Go." Lena added. I could tell she was enjoying putting me under pressure.

"Fine," I sighed. "But I'm not staying for long. And you lot better not get as pissed as last time. I'm not cleaning up your shit."

"We won't!" Petra grinned. I knew straight away that I was going to regret this. "Oh and Lena, why don't you come too?" I almost choked.

"You can't encourage a minor to fall down to your levels." I chided.

"Minor?!" Lena spat. "I'm twenty!"

"You're barely out of nappies mentally."

"Oi!" Lena growled. "I wasn't going to ruin your fun, but now somehow I want to." She stood up and looked straight over my head at Petra. "What time, Petra?"

"We were thinking about 8ish, so that we can finish sooner."

"Sure, thanks for the invite." Lena crossed to the other side of the table and stood in front of me. I glanced up, frowning. "I'll show you." She said, flicking me on the nose before walking swiftly off. I rubbed the spot on my nose, frustrated.

Maybe, I'd started a war that I couldn't win.

**AN: I love author notes, if you hadn't guessed.**

**Anyway, the OCD joke was actually something my friend heard and she told me the other day. I'm not going to claim credit for it. I forgot to mention that :L**

**There has been so much drama with Lena... but I'm about to switch that. It may get confusing, but I'll explain it in an author note later if I think that maybe I've not written it as well as I could.**

**I'm so impressed with the amount of feedback I'm getting on this. I know that people don't usually like ! I hope you like Lena. After this story has finished, I might write another with Levi... I hope you support me in that story too! This story has lacked the description I usually put in other stories so I might do a very short and very descriptive one :D**

**Bye bye!**


	7. THE RESOLVE 1

**AN: From now on, I will use these names: Eld Jinn (not Erdo), Oluo Bozado (not Auruo), Petra Ral, Gunther Schultz :)**

**THE RESOLVE 1**

"What are you going to wear, heichou?" Gunther asked. He had brought a cup of tea to my room, probably as an excuse to chat. I gestured to my uniform. "You're kidding?" he replied, mouth gaping.

"No. Like I said, I'm not staying long."

"Oh come on heichou." Gunther smiled. "Let me help."  
"I don't need help to dress myself." I snorted, drawing the curtains and lighting the torch in the corner of my room.

"I know, but don't you want to impress Petra?" My head shot up.

"Petra?"

"Sir, I know it's not my place," Gunther started, being careful about his tone. "But I think you and Petra make a good couple." I just stared at him.

"Petra?" I repeated again, completely dumb-struck at this turn of conversation.

"Yeah. Don't you think so?" I lit the candles on my desk so that my room flickered and the darkness shrunk back into the corners.

"There's no room for love in a world where we kill to survive." I said, removing my cravat and opening the top buttons on my shirt. Shadows danced across the white material, twisting and flickering.

"Surely, that's where love is at it's strongest?" he replied. I paused. "If there's something you need to protect, love becomes stronger. It's not something that can be cast aside and ignored. It's what can help you get through hell... if you let it."

"Soppy bastard. Get out if you're going to preach."

"S-sorry sir." Gunther moved to the door, placing his hand over the handle without opening it. "But, think about what I said, okay?" I just grunted and Gunther smiled. He left shortly after.

"Soppy bastard." I repeated to myself.

I decided to go for Gunther's advice, remembering that last time someone had spilled alcohol all over my shirt. They had barely survived the next day and eventually got a transfer to another squad. Yet, this time I wasn't going to get my uniform dirty. Instead, I opened my wardrobe and frowned at the contents. It had been so long since I had worn anything but my uniform. My eyes drifted to the side of the wardrobe where Lena had crouched a few days ago... Heh. She was an interesting cadet.

I pulled out a light blue shirt and hung it on the wardrobe door, unbuttoning my uniform shirt. I tried to ignore the scars across my chest; I tried not to remember the times where people had died when I'd not been strong enough to protect them. Quickly, I hid the scars again and re-buttoned the shirt. In the end, I decided on black trousers. I re-adjusted my cravat so that the scars across my chest were completely hidden once more.

When 8 o'clock came, I started to make my way for the room upstairs. Usually, Petra and the others set up chairs and tables with drinks before everyone got there. This party was almost a ritual before a big expedition. In case one of us didn't come back, then the ones remaining would still have memories. That was the unspoken truth, covered up by the excuse 'it's just a bit of fun'. Petra had started it and she only opened it up to a few people. This time, I guessed she'd invite Eren since he was a recent addition to the team.

Sure enough, upon opening the door I saw that Eren, Mikasa and Armin were sat at tables already set out. A few people that I hardly recognised milled about, chatting. It seemed Lena hadn't arrived yet, but Petra and Gunther were sat playing cards, whilst Eld and Oluo watched. Petra spotted me and beckoned me over. I sank into a seat at their table and crossed one leg over the other.

"Evening, heichou. Want to play?" Gunther asked.

"No, you carry on." I sniffed.

"Want a drink?" Petra was already pouring a glass for me as she asked.

"What would you do if I said no?" She laughed as I took the glass anyway and downed it.

"Hey, slow down heichou!" She grinned. "You've got the whole night left!"

"Not the whole night," I frowned. "An hour, maximum."

"Oh you spoil sport. Have fun! Let go!"

"Hn."

I was distracted by Lena cautiously opening the door. She peered around the edge until Petra stood up and waved. Stepping into the room, I found myself staring at what she was wearing. It wasn't exactly revealing -or even special- but it was different from what I was expecting... I don't know what I was expecting to be honest.

She wore rather tight fitting trousers (but not as tight at Petra's) along with a burgundy blouse that accentuated her dark brown eyes. Her sling stood out like a sore thumb- bright white upon dark, Autumn colours. But what stood out to me the most wasn't her clothes or sling... It was her hair. It was the first time I'd properly seen it down and I could only gaze at how it tumbled down to her shoulders and sat there, bouncing slightly as she walked. It was such a beautiful colour: not light enough to be blonde, yet hardly dark enough to be called brown. She sat in the seat next to me and Petra.

"Hello, heichou." She said. "Are you ready to see how much of a 'minor' I am?" My mouth gaped like a goldfish for a second.

"Speaking of minors, Armin, Eren and Mikasa aren't allowed to touch even one drop of alcohol." I warned Petra. She laughed.

"So caring."

"I'm not being caring; I'm worrying about the mess. What if Eren turned into a titan or something?" For some reason, words weren't flowing off my tongue like they usually did. I poured myself another glass and downed it.

"Woah, so eager!" Petra raised an eyebrow. I ignored her, watching from the corner of my eye as Lena sipped on her own alcohol.

"Hey, cricket!" someone called. Lena nearly spat out her drink as she looked up at a man with long blond hair.

"It's you!" She said. He grinned at her and pulled up Petra's seat at our table. I frowned, glancing between them.

"The name's Stein." He said, extending a hand to Lena. Lena reached across with her own hand, until she realised it was wrong one. Stein burst into a loud, thunderous laugh. "Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm Lena."

"That's a great name!" He complimented. I poured myself another glass, grinding my teeth. "Doesn't that mean 'the bright one'?"

"I don't know," Lena shrugged. "I just thought it was an abbreviation of Elena."

"Whatever, it suits you. You seem pretty bright." He smiled kindly at her. I snorted.

"She's as bright as a blown out candle." I insulted her, downing yet another glass as Lena shot me a glare and turned back to smile at Stein politely.

"No, I meant bright as in cheerful."

"Thanks, Stein!" Lena smiled at him again, before sticking her tongue out at me. I poured yet another glass, feeling my frustrations rise even further. I didn't like this guy. "Oi, oi," Lena muttered. "Aren't you drinking too much?"

"I can hold it." I grunted, standing up quickly to leave their sickening conversation. I felt dizzy, but ignored the feeling and stumbled off towards Petra who was stood against the wall sipping on alcohol.

"Heichou, you're not drunk, are you?" Petra allowed her mouth to twitch slightly as I walked over unsteadily.

"Fuck off. How weak do you think my stomach is?" I quickly replied.

"You haven't even diluted your drink. You're just drinking it neat."

"I know."

"Heichou?"

"What?"

"Later, I have something to tell you. Will you listen?" Petra looked at me, suddenly very serious. I froze, a drink touching my lip.

"Sure, go on?"

"No, not now." Petra ran a hand through her hair and smiled to herself. "I'm not nearly drunk enough to say it now." I shrugged, tasting the alcohol swirl around my mouth, livening my taste-buds. It was bitter, but addictive. I had started to feel thirsty, letting the alcohol quench my thirst. "Hey, Levi." Petra suddenly snapped out of her thoughts and beamed at me. "Shall we liven this party up?"

Half an hour later, and Petra's plan to 'liven' things up had definitely succeeded. I'd slowed down my drinking, but not stopped as Petra introduced a few games with forfeits. Lena on the other hand was drinking more. She was soon tipsy.

"Heeiichou." She whined from her seat next to mine.  
"What, brat?" I slurred.

"Aren't you hot? I'm hot."

"No."

"Why don't you take your tie thingy off?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't want to. Get off me, brat." I shrugged her lazily off as she yanked onto my cravat in an attempt to take it off.

"But heichouu... You make me hot just looking at it."

"Think about what you're saying."

"Eh, why?"

"Never mind."

She retreated back into her seat, her eyes falling onto the table as she struggled to think straight. I found myself reaching over to lift up a lock of her hair and twist it gently between two fingers. She half-turned to look at me, her brown eyes meeting mine.

God, her eyes were stunning.

My hand found it's way deeper into her hair, stoking it softly. It was so smooth and light. A slight blush tainted her cheeks as she watched me. All of a sudden, I withdrew my hand and took a swig of my drink. Ugh, the drink must have been getting to me worse than I thought. I should probably stop.

"Who's next?" Gunther called, gathering up the cards again.

"Hey, corporal." Lena grinned, tapping me on the shoulder. "Do you know how to play snap?"

"Who doesn't know how to play snap?" I snorted. "It's for kids."

"I challenge you to a game of snap!" Lena pointed at me, so close that her finger almost touched my nose. I shoved her away and crossed my arms. "Oh come on!" She sighed.

"One game." I grunted.

Five games later.

Lena had to be the shittest player of snap ever. Whether the alcohol had slowed her reactions, or she was just crap, I'd won five games in a row. Most of the cards were in my hands again. She scowled at the pack, squinting for a match. Her whole body was tense. I laid down another card.

"Snap."

"WHAT?!" She exclaimed, immediately checking. I was right. "This isn't fair!" she huffed. We began again, one card after another. Eventually, another pair appeared after she put down a card. I hovered my hand over the pile but she didn't even flinch.

"Do you even know how to play?" I smirked.

"Why?"

"There's a pair right there and you haven't called snap."

"Oh!" Her hand swooped down to hit the card but mine was there before hers. Her hand slapped onto mine.

"Oi brat! That hurt!" I complained. "Your reactions are terrible."  
"It's the alcohol."

"I've drunk more than you." I raised an eyebrow.

"Not that much more." She pouted back, her hand still on mine.

"I could drink double what you've drunk, on top of what I've already drunk, and _still _beat you at snap."

"Rubbish! I'm not that bad!"

"I'll prove it. How much have you drunk?"

"Three glasses?" She guessed. I grabbed a bottle from another table and reached for my glass.

"So that's six glasses." I poured myself a glass and downed it. Then another. And another.

"Hey!" Lena gasped, reaching over to stop me. I pushed her away, filling another glass. "Hey no that's dangerous!" I ignored her and finished my sixth glass, gasping for air. "Heichou!"

"Shuffle the cards." I ordered. "We're going again."

**LENA-**

Once again, the corporal had beaten me. But this time, it had been close. He was starting to suffer the affects of the alcohol, his head lolling forward occasionally. I'd stopped drinking, feeling responsible for the corporal's condition. He slumped in his chair, black hair falling into his eyes. I have to admit, he looked attractive like that. It was the one time he had let go of his strong bravado, a red tinge to his cheeks and a zoned-out expression. I felt like all of a sudden, I could see some more of his true self.

"Corporal," I muttered to him. He raised his head and squinted at me.

"Ah?"

"Want me to take you back to your room?" I asked. He paused, before smirking. He leaned over to my seat and flicked my nose. It hurt and he'd probably put more strength in than he'd realised, but I let it go.

"You shouldn't say stuff like that." He muttered, warm breath tickling my neck. Every hair on my body raised to attention and I gulped, a slow blush appearing on my cheeks.

"I didn't mean it like that..."

"You're blushing." He stared into my eyes, his face only centimetres away from my own. I could smell the alcohol, masking his strong, masculine scent. His pupils were dilated; it hardly seemed like he was even looking at me.

"H-heichou," I stammered. "You're close-"

"I know."

"Can you m-move away?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I like it here." He moved his chair closer to mine and leaned across again to look into my eyes, one arm resting on the back of my chair.

"You're drunk." I sniffed, turning my face away but still on high alert, knowing his presence was still lingering close to my body. I felt him suddenly lean onto my left shoulder, nearly making me jump.

"Let me stay here," he mumbled, sending a shiver across my chest where his breath lingered. "Just a while longer." I gulped again.

"H-heichou?!" I heard a voice gasp. Petra was beaming, looking at the drunk corporal who had taken residence on my shoulder. "He's really drunk, isn't he?" I was going to nod, until I remembered the man on my shoulder.

"Ah, Petra..." Levi grunted, shifting his head to look up at her. "You had something to say?" She thought, her eyes wandering at the scene in front of her, before she shook her head.

"No, it doesn't matter any more." Her voice appeared sad, despite her jovial smile. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Look after him for me, okay?" and then she walked away. I stared after her.

I could only contemplate what she had meant. As I did so, Levi settled into my shoulder more and began to breathe slowly. "Oh no you don't!" I muttered, knowing he probably wasn't paying attention any more. "There's no way I'm carrying you so wake up!"

"Mnn..." He replied, clearly in no mood to move. I shrugged him off and he rolled back into his chair. With my help, he eventually stood up. I grimaced against the pain as he hung onto me across my shoulders. We ambled towards the door, avoiding eye contact as I awkwardly opened the door. Leaving the room was like being smacked in the face by silence. With Levi on one arm, I began to lead him back to his room.

"Lena," he mumbled. I barely heard him as my ears were throbbing. "Lena. Don't do that again."

"W-what?" I stuttered, frowning.

"What d'you mean what?" He slurred. "Jumping off a... a fuckin' building for one."

"You said you had forgiven me!" I almost dropped him there and then.

"I can't. What if..." His weight suddenly lifted from me and he staggered on alone, hitting both walls as I followed cautiously. He was walking like a pinball. "What if I'd lost you?" I said nothing, heart pounding in my chest. "Like everyone else... What if..." He stopped walking and leant against the wall. I gave him my strength and we carried on again.

"Don't 'what if'." I said. "If I said 'what if's then I don't think I'd have been able to stay sane these past few years." Levi looked at me, though his eyes couldn't stay focussed for long.

"Why?"

"'What if I'd have tried to save my sister?' and 'What if I had stood up again afterwards and mum had not needed to wait for me?'... Those types of things." Levi was silent as we descended to the floor of his room. I reached his door and opened it, following him inside as he collapsed onto his bed.

He laid, splayed out, sweating slightly with his arms above his head and one leg dangling from the bed. I walked over to him and tugged at his tie-thing to remove it. One of his hands lazily reached up and stopped me. I blushed heavily.

"No!" I shook my head quickly. "I wasn't going to-"

"No..." he mumbled. "There's scars... I don't want to see them." I frowned, placing his hand back on the bed and untying his tie while he moaned in annoyance. I opened his top buttons awkwardly with one hand to allow air to his chest... and saw them.

I'd seen the smaller scars before- ones on his arms and legs and shoulders... But he always wore his shirts buttoned up to hide the largest ones criss-crossing his chest. They were deep and I winced just thinking about them.

"Button it up." He said. I just ignored him and yanked the blanket from under him. Then, I laid it over him and opened a window. "No. The papers, brat..." he mumbled again.

"Stop complaining, jeez!" I huffed, closing the window once more. "Will you be okay on your own?" I asked.

"What if I said no?"

"Then I'm leaving anyway."

"Brat." He grunted as I tucked the sheets in like a child and leaned over him.

"Night Levi," I moved forward without thinking and kissed his forehead. As I pulled back, he grabbed my arm and shot upwards, smacking his lips onto mine. He held it for a few seconds, before dropping back onto his bed, grinning to himself.

"You call that a kiss?" He grinned, closing his eyes. "Brat..."

And he was gone.

I closed his door behind me and sank down onto the concrete, clutching my heart.

I was about to have a heart attack, I swear.

…

"Lena?" someone called. I slowly regained consciousness and noticed that I was back in bed. There was a feminine voice softly calling me and a cold hand nudged my arm. "Lena, wake up."  
"Mmmph..."

"Lena, breakfast is in twenty minutes."

"Thanks..."

"You need to get up."

"I know."

"NOW." My eyes snapped open and I winced at the sudden light.

"Oh my god." I yawned, rubbing my eyes wearily. "You're scary in the mornings, Ava."

"Sorry," I saw her smile, the light from a lit torch illuminating a gold lining around her blonde hair. "You need to eat though."

"I do." I sat up and stretched.

"Are you hungover?" she asked, gently. I contemplated it and shook my head from side to side.

"I don't think so..." Then, I grinned. "But I know someone who will be."

"Lena!" I turned around on my way to breakfast with Ava and saw Guthrie and Kurt. Kurt waved. "How was last night?"

"It was fun," I smiled. "I mostly played cards all night."  
"Ahh, so innocent." Kurt shook his head, smiling. He ran a hand through his hair and asked, "Did anything happen with the corporal?" A blush didn't just tinge my cheeks, it burned them. "Ah!" Kurt exclaimed, pointing in accusation. "It DID!"

"No, no!" I shook my head frantically. "I just remembered something embarrassing."  
"What?"

"No just something I said when I was tipsy." I lied.

"To the corporal?"

"No. Actually, I hardly saw him all night." How long was my nose? I swear it was already in the canteen.

"Hmm?" Kurt frowned, but he dropped the matter.

We entered the food hall to the usual buzz of noise. One table was particularly buzzing; Petra and the rest were all discussing the night before and giggling. I got my food and apologised to Guthrie, Kurt and Ava.

"Sorry, guys. I'm going to sit here today."

"That's okay!" Ava smiled. Guthrie nodded too.  
"Betrayer." Kurt stuck out his tongue, jokingly.

I placed my tray next to Petra and smiled at her.

"How you feeling?"

"Great," I grinned. "Any good stories?"

"I was hoping you'd have some." Petra winked. "You took Levi back to his room, right?" I blushed again.

"That's all!" I protested. "Nothing happened!"

"Ahhh shame." She sighed. "That's the first time the corporal has gotten drunk with us."

"Really? He was drinking so quickly."

"I don't know why he decided last night that he was going to drink so much, but I'm glad he did."

"Ah, actually." I started, remembering something. "That might be my fault. He downed six extra glasses in a row when I blamed the alcohol for me losing to him at snap."

"Ah, is that so." Petra giggled. "Hey, look!" she whispered. "Speak of the devil!"

Sure enough, Levi entered the room. There was absolutely nothing out of place with him; if I was expecting some sloppy, half-dressed, dead-looking monster to drag itself through the door, I was surprised. He walked as normal and it was only when I got closer that I noticed his dark eyes and exhausted expression. He looked like he had been woken from a thousand year sleep eight hundred years too soon.

"Morning, heichou." Petra smiled.

"Morning." I chimed too.

"Nn." He grunted back, lethargically tucking into his food.

"How's your head?" I grinned.

"Fine."

"Do you even remember last night?"

"Crickets, snap and alcohol. I remember it." I felt a small part of my stomach twist in anxiety... He remembered the kiss?

"You should thank Lena for taking you back to your room." Petra said. Levi looked up, frowning, before quickly masking it and nodding.  
"Thanks." he muttered. Petra's eyes narrowed, then looked at me. Her lip perked up at one side before she returned to a normal expression.

"It's a shame Hanji left early." she continued as I looked at her quizzically.

"Probably had something waiting to be dissected." Levi shrugged. Petra's smile broadened.

"Caught ya." She snickered.

"Huh?"

"Hanji stayed all night and came to visit you in your room... don't you remember?" Levi just grimaced and looked away, sipping his tea. His hand covered his face, but it was clear he had just been busted. "You don't, do you?!" Petra was enjoying this maybe a little too much. I didn't know if I was relieved or annoyed that Levi didn't remember most of the night.

"How much do you remember?" I tried to ask casually. Levi set down his tea and squinted, thinking.

"It goes blurry after our fifth game of cards." He said. I sighed and relaxed my shoulders. He caught this out of the corner of his gaze and glanced at me.

"Well, after that," Petra continued, loving the fact that she was in the power. "Lena took you back to your room and me and Hanji came to see if you were okay later. You were asleep muttering something about cleaning products not being enough to clean up after Eren. So Hanji suggested we try that psychology trick where you repeat things to someone and ask them questions and they respond honestly." Petra was already giggling to herself whilst Levi was scowling.

"That shitty four-eyes." he cursed. I was intrigued and leaned forward to listen.

"First we just kept repeating the word 'Eren' and eventually you started swearing under your breath." Levi snorted, emptying his cup and stacking it onto his plate. "Then, we asked you what you thought of Hanji and you just grunted- Shitty glasses." Levi stood up as I giggled and began to walk away. "Then," Petra continued a little louder as I took a sip of orange juice, enthralled. "We asked you what you thought of Lena." Levi's steps halted and I almost spat out the drink in my mouth. I began spluttering after I swallowed the liquid and caught Levi glancing back over one shoulder. Petra and Levi stared each other out for a few seconds, before Levi sniffed and walked off. I finished my fit and turned to Petra.

"What did he say?" I whispered, though Levi couldn't hear.

"Nothing." Petra smiled. "We did try that psychology thing but he just slept. He didn't respond so we were going to draw on his face. That's when he woke up and kicked us outside but I guess he doesn't remember that part." I sighed and shook my head.  
"You shouldn't wind him up like that, Petra."

"Well, we don't often get the chance." She smiled back, showing me her perfectly straight teeth and tilting her head so that her soft, short hair tickled her neck.

"Ahh, I'd like to know what he'd say though." I smirked, wondering about it. "Probably, 'shitty brat' or something."

"Or something." Petra turned away still smiling. She had been very mysterious today. I was about to ask her more, but decided against it. Kurt waved at me as him and Guthrie approached the door to leave. I nodded at them and stood to leave.

"See you, Petra." I smiled.  
"Bye, Lena."

**AN: Ahh, this chapter is late. I write these on a different laptop to what I post them on because my laptop broke and doesn't connect to the internet any more... I've only just gotten the chance to upload them :)**

**I'm really looking forward to what I have planned next because I'm going to ram in some description for once. It may take a while longer than usual to update but I hope it'll be worth it.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	8. THE RESOLVE 2

**...**

**THE RESOLVE 2**

As time passed, the atmosphere within the scouting headquarters grew tenser and tenser. The prospect of the expedition the following morning was frightening; by the time evening came (after the hours of cramming in lectures and preparation), you could have sliced the air with a knife. The hallways were unusually quiet. Dinner had came and passed with barely a murmur of noise- guilt tore at my insides; knowing that I would be safe at home while my friends risked their lives was terrible. The relationship between myself and Luann at the best of times was fragile. Right now, she was livid. I could only look away when she glared at me during dinner.

_Yes, I'm pathetic. While you're risking your lives, I'll be drinking tea waiting for your return. Yes, it isn't fair. Yes, you're jealous. Yes, I'm relieved..._

_So disgustingly relieved that I'm not in your position. _

Myself and Ava had risked the wrath of the ranks in order to sit in Guthrie and Kurt's room. Kurt was quietly cleaning his boots whilst Guthrie was laid on the top bed, staring at the ceiling. His eyes searched the white, bare surface for cracks and shadows. Ava was huddled in the corner, holding her knees with her head on her arms. Two other boys were sharing the room on the other side. They were from our intake too and used the bunk bed opposite to Kurt and Guthrie. I stood by the door, leaning on the wall.

The silence screamed louder than words.

"Ahh," I sighed, feigning content. "I can't wait for winter to come."

"Mmm," Kurt muttered, attempting to gratify my plan to break the silence. "It better snow." I tried to search for something else to say, but ended up on the verge of breaking. "When winter comes, I'm going to put snow in heichou's boots." Kurt grunted, trying again to keep the conversation flowing. "That'll teach him for saying my room smells worse than titan shit."

"He'll kill you." I laughed. It sounded so false, echoing melancholy within the stone walls.

"If the titans don't kill you first." One of the boys across the room muttered. Ava whimpered in the corner, quickly trying to hide it. I froze. Guthrie still had said nothing.

_Someone, stop this. I can't take it._

"When winter comes," I spoke again, hiding the shake in my voice. "I'm going to make a snowman and tie Levi's cravat to it's neck."

"I guess Levi should be scared this winter." Kurt joked. It didn't sound like a joke. His usual cheerfulness had decimated.

"Levi doesn't get scared." I shook my head. The boy across the room stirred again.

"Levi might not, but we do." he spat bitterly. Kurt slammed down his boot and stood up from his bed.  
"Ernest!" he growled. "Would you stop talking like that?!" Ernest sat up and snarled at Kurt.

"Like what?!" he barked. "I'm just saying the truth!"

"We don't NEED the truth!"

"You don't WANT the truth!"  
"No, I don't!" Kurt yelled. "No I fucking don't!"

"None of us do!"

"Then why are you being so god-damn negative?" Kurt snapped. Ernest turned his glare from Kurt to me. I started.

"Because _that cow_ thinks she can waltz in, happy as a pig in shit, trying to cheer us up when she's got no FUCKING CLUE what we're feeling!"

"She knows EXACTLY how we're feeling!" Kurt argued back. I averted my eyes from Ernest, guilt stabbing me in the chest.

"Oh does she?!" Ernest clambered down from his bed to face Kurt and I. Guthrie had sat up on his bed now and Ava had raised her red-rimmed eyes to look at us. "Then she knows that we want her to just fucking disappear!"

"Don't speak to her like that!"

"Get out!" Ernest was ignoring Kurt now. His eyes were burning with fresh hatred towards me. My hand shook at my side; what was I supposed to do?

"You get out!" Kurt defended me still. I wanted to tell him to stop defending me. Blame me. Hate me. But my mouth trembled and my skin burned under the hate cascading over me.

"Kurt!" I stammered, finding a voice in my throat. "Y-you can stop. He's right." Kurt's eyes softened and he halted the words in his throat.

"There you go again!" Ernest's ice blue eyes cut through me. He stepped forward and pushed my shoulder into the wall. I cried out unintentionally. "Stop acting like you know how we feel!" He moved his face closer to mine, teeth bared like a wolf. "Get the fuck out of my face." He spat, jolting me against the wall. The door slammed open and the pressure on my shoulder suddenly released.

"What the fuck is going on?" A growl resonated from behind me as I stared at the far wall in shock. When I finally looked around, I saw that Levi had Ernest's neck in one hand, grasping it so hard that Ernest gasped for air. He had slammed open the door, examined the scene and acted faster than my eyelids could move.

"Levi," I murmured. I noticed then that Guthrie was half-way down the steps to the top bunk and Kurt had shifted to just behind where Ernest had been. A shiver rustled through my bones and I breathed deeply.

"Come with me, brat." Levi instructed Ernest, tossing him out of the room with one hand. "Girls. Back to your rooms. All of you, get some rest." He slammed the door so hard that the door-frame rattled.

"Lena." Guthrie whispered, coming over to my side. "Are you okay?" I just gulped and nodded.

"We'll be leaving now." I said, heading over to where Ava still sat against the wall. "Sorry for disturbing you."

"Lena." Kurt touched my arm as I walked past. "Come wave us off tomorrow, okay?" I paused.

"Of course." Then, I squatted down to Ava's level, offering out my hand to her. "Let's go back, okay?" She nodded.

I led her down the corridor and back to our room. There was no sign of Ernest or Levi. Opening the door to our room, I let Ava walk past before shutting the door. We were isolated again in that windowless dungeon.

Ava began getting ready for bed and I soon copied. She crawled onto the top bunk and I saw the mattress above me sink as she laid down. The sheets under me crumpled as I laid down too, trying to get comfortable. "Good night, Ava." I murmured, just loud enough for her to hear.

"Good night." Ava mumbled back. She had been sniffling for a full hour now. It was clear that she was crumbling under the pressure... and there was nothing I could say that would make her feel any better.

I just hoped tomorrow passed quickly.

…

The rustling of the mattress above me caused me to wake up. I opened my eyes wearily but didn't stir. Ava hopped down from the bunk and started to get ready. She put on her shirt, fingers trembling as she tried to push the buttons through. Sitting down on the wooden chair in our room, she did up her boots and straps. I feigned waking, sitting up slowly to yawn.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" she asked softly. I shook my head. It was so dark in our room. The only patch of light came from under the door where someone had already lit the corridor torch. Ava opened the door and kept it open by moving the chair. As she did so, light flooded in again and I could see Ava's face. Her eyes were wide and she looked pale.

"Can you stand by the door while I change?" I asked, swivelling my legs over the edge of the bed.

"Of course." Ava said, standing in the doorway to make sure no one was coming as I changed. Unlike Ava, I found it almost impossible to change without light _and_ with a broken arm. I struggled to do up the straps and in the end, Ava had to help me. She grabbed a comb and began to brush my hair.

"Your hair is so soft. I'm jealous."

"I need it cutting." I sniffed.

"Lena..." Ava started. I waited for her reply as she paused. "Can I plait your hair today?"

"If you promise to undo it tonight." I said. She knew what I meant and I felt her hands quiver through my hair.

"I promise." she said quietly. I smiled, though I didn't feel happy. I closed my eyes as her hands weaved and twisted through my hair. She pulled it tight, then knotted threads of my hair between each other. It didn't take her long to finish.

We made our way to breakfast, sitting through over half an hour's worth of minutes where people were forcing down food, only to throw up again. Then, Ava and the rest were lined up on the horses. I followed the procession to the gateway, smiling as best I could at Guthrie, Kurt, Ava and even Luann. The chattering of people didn't ease my nerves in the least. 'How many will come back this time?' and 'Another waste of our taxes'.

Finally, the scouting legion came to a halt at the gate in the wall. Lines and lines of horses and carts stopped, with people gathering around to watch. I waved to Guthrie, to Kurt, then to Ava. Guthrie's eyes softened and he mouthed the words 'goodbye'. Kurt attempted a smile and waved back. Ava almost burst into tears, forcing herself to look forward. That's when I suddenly became nervous. Where was he? I needed to see him before they left.

I pushed my way through the crowd, speeding up from a walk to a sprint as I searched the rows for him. They were preparing to leave; the gate was rising, enticing them to the outside world. I was metres away from the front lines.

"Levi!" I called, looking around. Where was he?! I had to see him! What if this-... was the last time? I pushed my way through civilians, my arm cracking so much that it burned with pain. I found that tears had ran into my eyes, though I wasn't sure if that was because of the agony I was feeling in my shoulder or not. Quicker, faster. I ran, heart pounding with such force that I felt like it was going to break straight through my ribcage. "LEVI!" I called again.

I had to see him.

"The 57th expedition beyond the walls... ADVANCE!" Erwin screamed, loud enough for the whole of the area to hear. The sound didn't have long to echo before it was consumed by the stampede of hooves.

"No!" I shouted, my head snapping around to find him. "I need to see him!" I was in line with the front lines, sprinting against every nerve in my body that was screaming at me to stop. I was coming up to the gateway now and I still hadn't seen him. "Damn Levi!" I shouted, though I couldn't even hear myself over the constant drumming of hooves. "Why are you so damn SHORT?!"

"Hey you-"

"Where is she going?!"

"She's running out of the walls!"  
"Is she crazy?!"

"Hey, STOP!"

I ignored the shouts of people and found myself outside of the walls, running next to a stream of horses as they flooded out of the gates. I stopped, breathing heavily, until- I saw him. He came through the gateway and spotted me, gaping in shock. I beamed with relief and waved, shouting as loud as I could-

"Come back safely!" The sound was lost under the thunder of noise, but the meaning still carried across. As his horse passed me, his eyes stayed upon me and he turned in his seat to see me.

"Shitty brat." I thought I saw him say, before he disappeared, melting back into the blur of riders.

After pushing back into the walls, I collapsed onto the floor and cried.

"Please, come back."

All could now was wait... wait and see which of my friends survived.

…

**AN: The following section is a description of real events from the manga (about chapter 30). Don't think too much into it; I'm using the event but not sticking directly to the manga timeline of events... that'd be _so_ difficult, haha. Obviously spoilers are present.**

**NORMAL-**

"I'll trust you on this one, Erwin." the man said, swooping off to refill. Trust was a strong word; he didn't use it often. There were few people he could say he truly trusted.

He fell, cool air brushing his cheeks and dark hair, though it did nothing to cool his burning heart. It pounded in his chest- the pound of battle drums. The vibrations trembled through him and shocked every one of his nerves into life. Gas burst out and he swooped down again, diving in a parabolic curve into empty space. He didn't like this- not one bit. He was on edge.

Shadows flashed across his face as a blast of sunlight forced it's way through the treetops that struggled out of the darkness. He raised his head to the sky, trying to find it behind the fog of leaves that hung dense just above him. Something about the air choked him. Usually, the best air he had ever breathed lay just beyond the walls humanity had enclosed themselves within. Now, something was catching in the back of his throat and making him gag.

Death.

He'd smelt it before- tasted it, even. He had become inure to it's rancid stench, it's overwhelming ability to scrape down the back of the throat and swirl in the stomach to make the body heave. It had taken awhile, but he was used to it... For the most part.

But here, the stench was different and growing closer with every push forward. There was something else sickening the man too- why had Eren transformed? Why had his team not stopped him?

A body.

The man's eyes snapped towards the figure hung upside down, lifelessly. He recognised that figure. With a jolt, he changed directions and darted over. As he got closer, the sickness grew. Gunther. His neck had been slashed. Not by a titan. By a sword, he was sure. Gunther. The man was hung upside down by his own weapons, a look of shock still present on his face. Eyes darkening, the man continued on his way.

There was no time for grief.

The image of his comrade mercilessly strung from the trees had still not wiped itself from his retinas, but he carried on relentlessly, thinking of the rest of the human race who were still fighting-

Another one.

Oh God. Another one. Eld... or what was left of him. The grass beneath his corps was stained a rusty red, weighed down with clumps of tissue and skin torn from it's original place. Blood still dribbled from where his body had been severed in half. Bone could be seen protruding from within the crimson mess. His spine jutted out, splintered and shattered; its usual whiteness had been dyed red. An organ, probably the liver, had slid out onto the grass and laid there like a piece of meat in a butchers.

The man kept on going, swallowing back the sickness that threatened to erupt from inside him. It didn't take long before his retinas were scratched eternally with another image- Oluo. Another one dead. The man drove onwards again, eyes widened and burning with dehydration as he resisted closing his eyes. If he closed his eyes, he'd see it again. _Please, _he thought, _let me get there in time for-_

Petra. Crushed against the bark of a tree with such force that the tree itself had cracked and her blood mingled with tree sap. Her eyes looked up at him for the last time, though she wouldn't have known it. She was pale. So very pale. The ruby stain across her face was made so much more apparent, so much more memorable, by her complexion. Dead. Hair pushed back from her face to reveal lifeless eyes... Eyes he would take with him to the grave.

**The reunion without words.**

…

**LENA-**

Time dragged by, the mechanical tick of time resonating in my room with each second that passed. For the whole day, I had busied myself constantly. I'd even cleaned my room and amused myself with the image of Levi stood over me, telling me to 'do it again'. The castle was eerily empty. The walls boomed silence back at me as I sat there listening to the echo of my own breathing. For some reason, the temperature had dropped and refused to warm up even when I lit every torch in the room.

I needed air.

With this thought, I found myself wandering the streets before the gates, waiting for their return. I shared looks with others, who spotted my uniform and were reminded of the fear just beyond the walls. Most avoided eye contact, whilst some smiled sadly. The whole town knew of the expedition. People whispered behind me, some speculating that my arm had been broken on purpose, others sympathising with my position.

"Poor girl. I bet her friends are all out there fighting."

"She asked for this life."

"They're fighting for us!"

"They're fighting for a lost cause."  
"We'll never defeat the titans."

"They're too strong."

I'd had enough of their talk and stood straight to walk away, but just then a soldier started shouting from the top of the wall. The whole area livened up and eventually word spread that they were returning. The scouting legion were on the horizon.

It felt like someone had rammed my body with electric pulses. Everything sped up and I heard the blood racing in my ear. How many would return? Something roared in my head- I couldn't tell if it was the wind or my own blood racing though veins. The noise throbbed as I paced up and down, wondering where it was best to stand. Other people had already started gathering, their faces blurred as I focussed on only one thing.

"Come on gate." I pleaded. "Open."

After what felt like an eternity, infinite years passing and striking minutes off my life with every second, the gate opened and the roar in my ears chorused with the hum of horse hooves. As the legion approached and the gate reached the top, the sounds became clearer, the staccato of the front lines punctuating the growing throb of noise. I closed my eyes and looked away, clearing my mind of images. When I felt ready, I looked again to witness reality...

And the reality was sickening.

A silence ensued among the people gathered as we inspected the horror that had just entered the gates. Compared to the speed from this morning, the legion _crawled_ back through to safety. Their eyes were downcast and beaten, having lost the glow of testosterone and adrenaline. Tears, vomit and blood mingled into a poisonous concoction of death. Then, all of a sudden, the onslaught of accusations began.

"ERWIN!" Someone yelled. "FOR WHAT REASON DID THESE PEOPLE DIE?!"

"COMMANDER ERWIN! WHAT HAVE HUMANITY ACHIEVED?!"

"ERWIN!"

People screamed at him, battling for his attention but the man granted them none. The commander usually looked young and full of ambition. Right now, he looked like he had aged a thousand years worth of loss. Yet he still looked forward.

My eyes dashed around the group. Where were they?

Levi. He was there, on the opposite side of the parade to me. I almost cried out with relief, ignoring the complete look of devastation on his face. When I had gotten over the fact that he had survived, I noticed it...

Desolation.

Despair.

Detachment from everything. From everyone.

His entire world seemed to have collapsed down onto his shoulders and cracked his usual façade. I'd never seen such extreme emotion emulating from his every feature: his lifeless eyes, his down-turned mouth, his dishevelled posture, his contracted pupils... Was this how he looked after every expedition? Or had something gone horribly wrong?

I had no time to ask him. I had still not seen the others. I moved down the line, tripping over people in my haste to find them. The first person I saw was Guthrie. After scanning face after face for recognition, his eyes met mine. We held eye contact as I felt my lip quiver in alleviation, but he quickly looked away. I scanned for others. Luann was there, her shoulders shaking slightly as she held in her emotions. Next, I saw Kurt. Kurt didn't see me. He hobbled, limping along-side a cart filled with bodies, looking into the cart occasionally with a worried expression. I didn't see Ava...

But that didn't mean she was dead.

It didn't.

It couldn't.

…

"Levi!" I called, speeding up as I saw the man just down the corridor. He didn't turn around. "Levi!" I shouted again, without response. He disappeared around the corner to the staircase and I followed him, turning just in time to see him slam the door to his room. I approached the door and hovered my hand at the wood.

Should I knock? Did he want to see me right now?

In the end, I lowered my hand to my side and leant against the wall next to his room. Thoughts battled in my head: go in, or go away. Go in, or go away. I so desperately wanted to know what had happened. I wanted to know what was wrong. I knew I could find that out from someone else but something prevented me from leaving him. He had looked so... destroyed. Was he going to be okay on his own?

A smash answered my question.

"FUCK!" I heard him shout as I jumped. More crashes erupted from inside his room. It sounded like he was tearing the furniture apart. I stared at the door, wishing for x-ray vision to see what was going on. "FUCK IT, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!" The sound of glass smashing tinkled from inside. Curiosity and worry got the better of me and I reached for the door handle-

"Don't," someone whispered below the racket of swearing and destruction. It was Hanji. "Leave him." she soothed and pulled me away. I let her lead me downstairs, before she started to explain. "Shall I tell you?" she mused, almost to herself.

"I'll find out anyway." I said, bracing myself for the news. Hanji sighed. She looked beaten too, dark bags curling under her eyes.

"Petra Ral, Gunther Schultz, Eld Jinn and Oluo Bozado..." Hanji began as I listened intently. "Have served their duty to humanity... and died valiant deaths in battle."

I didn't reply.

I couldn't.

The faces of the dead flashed through my head and something wet dripped from my chin. Then, the memories of Levi and his team...

"Oh God." I whispered. "Levi."

"There's something else you might want to know." Hanji interrupted before I was overcome with emotions. "Ava has been severely injured and is currently undergoing treatment in the-"

Her words faded out as I ran for the medic room. There was too much smashing around my head, ricocheting off my skull for me to comprehend. But there was one thing I was certain of- I needed to see Ava.

**AN: Please forgive me?**

**Please?**

…

**I was going to cut this chapter at so many points and make it a short one with a cliff hanger, but then in the back of my mind something yelled "4,000 words! Minimum! Do the readers a favour!"**

**So... my description didn't end up as good as it could have been but ahh well, it's better than the state of the rest of this story! It's been dialogue, dialogue, 'Levi frowned', dialogue... Also, sorry for the mid-story AN but I wanted to notify you of something before I continued. I won't do it again, if I can help it.**

**Love you all! * gives biscuit * and for my French readers- * avoir un biscuit ***

**I can't speak French (so I let the funky music do the talking) * laughs hysterically at her own joke ***

**My are getting longer...**


	9. OUR STRENGTH 1

…

**OUR STRENGTH**

"Lena, you're here!" Kurt gasped as I burst into the first aid room. There were rows and rows of people surrounded by doctors, moaning and groaning in beds. Some beds were eerily silent. I headed directly for the bed Kurt was stood beside but stopped mid-step.

The sheets were red with white blotches. It took me a moment to realise that the usually crisp, white sheets had been dyed with blood so much that it dripped from the ends. The whole top half of the bed was crimson, whilst the bottom was its usual white. There was a figure that disrupted the redness with a tinge of grey. Ava.

Her skin had been bleached of colour as she lay gasping for breath, her eyes fluttering open and closed. A nurse was pressing several dressings onto the gaping wound in her stomach where blood gushed out. It wasn't doing much good.

"Ava!" I cried, dropping down beside her bed. She turned her head, forcing blue lips to smile wearily. Tears pricked at my eyes before my brain even had the chance to react. "Ava! Oh god!" Tearing my eyes away from hers, I reinspected the wound, hoping that this time I'd see something different.

I didn't.

She had lost so much blood; it was a miracle she was conscious. Her pores oozed sweat and her breath came in laboured rasps. The long, beautiful and shimmering cascade of blonde locks which usually tumbled down her shoulders, splayed across the bed, matted with blood and knotted into tangles.

"Lena," she whispered. I barely heard her. "Do you believe... in God?" My lip quivered. No, I didn't. A God wouldn't put his creations through this hell.

"Yes, Ava." I nodded furiously, tears splashing onto the floor. "There's a heaven waiting for us all so we can escape this hell."

"You think?" Ava asked. She winced in pain and then let her face relax. _Please, Ava. Stay with me. _

"Yes." I blinked away the water in my eyes but it just swam back into my vision again. Kurt gritted his teeth in agony and looked away. "But you can't go yet." My voice cracked.

"Turn around, Lena." Ava smiled. I frowned but did as she asked, kneeling on the floor with my back to her. Gently, I felt her hands weave through my hair and undo the plait she had tied earlier. Once she had finished, her hands shook as they combed my wavy hair. A whimper escaped my lips and the tears started flowing again. When her hands stopped moving, I turned back to face her. Ava's eyes were closed and her hand hung over the side of the bed.

"Ava?" I whispered. Kurt fell to his knees next to the bed.

"Ava?!" He called, shaking her hand. The nurse quickly moved and checked Ava's breathing. She drew back and shook her head.

"Why are you shaking your head?" I muttered to her, standing on wobbly legs that threatened to collapse under me. "WHY ARE YOU JUST STOOD THERE?!" My shout caused the nurse to search the ground with her eyes. She began to turn and walk away, shoulders drooping. "Do CPR!... DO SOMETHING!"

"Lena!" Kurt cried, still holding her hand. "S-she's lost too much blood." We held eye contact for several seconds as my head caught up with what he said. I gaped at him. Then I collapsed onto the floor.

And howled.

…

Someone shook me awake. I had no idea what time it was, or what day. I didn't know who was shaking me either. All I knew was that there was a pain like a lead ball in my chest and a tingling sensation under my eyes that burned red-raw. I became conscious enough to notice my position on the cold floor and opened my eyes to darkness. In the torchlight, I could make out Kurt's figure as he stood over me.

"Lena, let me take you back to bed." he said quietly. I let him grab my arm and heave me from the concrete. It was then that I realised I had fallen asleep next to Ava's body. I was too tired and too broken to argue as he lead me away gently. I couldn't understand it; why was Kurt so strong?

"Kurt." I muttered into the darkness as he pulled me out of the patient's room.

"What's up?"

"You're so strong." To this, he scoffed yet said nothing. "Thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for." Kurt replied, sadly.

"How did she..." I couldn't finish the sentence. Kurt understood.

"I watched." His voice was hushed, like he didn't want any one to hear it. "Her manoeuvre gear was caught... it just... dragged her like a puppet... and chewed on her... like a dog on a bone." Kurt's voice stammered as he physically shook; I felt it through his hand. "Like she was a toy to play with." Kurt didn't let me see his eyes, but I could tell he was holding in his emotions. "Another soldier saved her but..."  
"It was too late." I finished for him and stopped walking. He stopped too, but still didn't turn to look at me. I held onto his wrist and span him around to face me, before enfolding my good arm around him into a hug. He was so much taller than me that my face was buried into his chest. I felt him pause, then wrap his arms around me. His chin rested on the top of my head. This hug wasn't for my benefit; I had cried out my emotions. It was for Kurt, who was bravely holding them back. He was trying so hard to appear strong in front of me.

I could smell his scent on his top and feel the muscles behind the fabric. The pressure on my cheeks rose and fell with his breathing. I felt droplets of liquid land on my head and he squeezed me tighter, causing my lip to tremble again.

"She was such a kind girl," Kurt whispered into my hair. I gulped and nodded. "She didn't deserve that."

"No one deserves it." I sniffed back. "Does Guthrie know?"

"He didn't know she was injured. We lost him in the forest. But he found out she had... had d-... had passed away and came to see her while you were asleep."

We stayed like this for many moments after, holding each other in the darkness. Eventually, Kurt released me and we continued back to the rooms. We came to mine first, exchanging small smiles upon our departure. I opened the door to my room, suddenly engulfed with loneliness. I had a room to myself. The bed where she had slept... was now empty. She had been here this morning. Now she had gone.

This world was so cruel.

…

**LEVI-**

I was laid in the centre of my room, cold concrete on cold skin. Around me lay the remains of my room, scattered, smashed and torn. It looked like a tornado had swept through.

Perhaps it had.

My mind was blank. I refused to think of anything. Images would stray into my head and I'd block them out by breaking something. My ankle ached where I'd injured it. A snake had curled itself around my heart to constrict it, leaking venom into my blood that stopped my limbs from moving.

Moving took effort.

I didn't have the mentality to move, so I just felt my body freeze against the floor. Maybe if I moved now, my body would stick and only my soul would sit up. Or maybe that thing sitting on my chest would suddenly wake up and pound at me again.

Breathing took effort.

Shuddering, shaking breaths pushed against the weight on my chest... Then I'd deflate like a balloon. Sometimes, I didn't feel like breathing in. Breathing meant resisting; breathing meant energy. I just didn't have the energy to waste. I stared blankly at the ceiling. I'd stared at it many times before and searched for patterns and cracks in it's surface... now I saw spatters of shadows. Blood splatters. A spider hung from the ceiling, dangling from it's creation upside down with anguish in it's eyes.

_Heichou._

The dressing table, severed in two on the floor, had clothes leaking out from inside from the wood. Cruelly snapped in two by my boot in a moment of anger, the spine of wood that had splintered could still be seen. Dust littered the floor in a yellow stain.

The chair had been kicked furiously across the room and it's body was crumpled on the floor. Then, there was the frame of my bed which had been thrown so hard against the wall that it had splintered, forced awkwardly into the stone.

Living took effort.

So why did I still bother?

Something flashed past the window, darkening my room in shadow momentarily. I looked outside and caught the wings of a bird just before it flew out of sight.

Ahh, that was why. Jiyuu no tsubasa.

…

"Levi." Someone knocked on my door. I couldn't say that I'd been asleep, but I hadn't exactly been awake either. I don't know how long I had spent there on the floor, somewhere between reality and a dream. Hanji opened the door when I didn't reply and her eyes bulged. "Ahh, what a mess."

"Don't use that word in my room." I said, feeling the ice in my breath slash past my tongue.

"Sorry," Hanji shrugged. "Ahh, what a shit-tip." She repeated. I didn't have the energy to frown.

"Thanks." I said after a pause.

"For what?" Hanji frowned.

"For taking Lena away. I don't want her to see me like this."

"So you knew she was there?"

"No, not until I heard you."

"Well, she may understand you right now more than anyone."

"Why?" I asked, forcing myself to sit up. I ached all over, especially in my chest.

"You remember the blonde girl, Ava?... She died a few hours ago." Hanji walked over to the window and leaned her forehead against the glass. I closed my eyes.

"How's she taking it?"

"She cried. A lot. Last time I heard, she had fallen asleep in the hospital room."

"She cried?" I asked. "That's good." Hanji glanced at me, raising her face from the glass and leaving a light, foggy patch on the window. "It's when the tears don't come that you need to worry."

"... What about you then?"

"I haven't cried since I was in nappies." I stood, staggering with the effort and kicking objects out of my path.

"Is that why you have so many personality issues?"

"Probably."

"But you know..." Hanji started, facing away from me again to look out of the window. "There's only one thing we can do. No matter how we deal with grief, it's all for one purpose."

"To move forward." I finished.

"Exactly." She nodded as I began fixing my room back to how it had been. Her eyes tore themselves away from the remnants of sunset and fixed themselves upon me, orange light drenching her clothes and tinkling in her glasses. "Go see her, Levi."

"Who?" I feigned innocence, dragging my bed back into position.

"Lena."

"Why? You're not making sense, shitty-glasses."

"Because I'm scared that if I leave you now, you'll self-destruct." The tone in her voice was so serious that it struck a chord in me and I met her eyes. She looked beaten; the expedition had sapped all energy from her. Her eyes pleaded with me, though I couldn't tell what for.

"I'll be fine." I grunted, darting my eyes away. "I have been all this time, right?"

"Right." she sighed, not seeming convinced in the least. Despite this, she trod back over to the door and took one last look at me before closing the door.

I was alone. Again.

But compared to all other moments of loneliness I had experienced, this was the greatest.

…

**LENA-**

As expected of the scouting legion, the people who had returned from the expedition were only granted one day off. The dead were burnt in one massive inferno as people gathered, crying and screaming and howling. But it was the silent ones that seemed in the most pain. The flames had cascaded heat over me and brought an end to the coldness I had felt since Ava's death. When I had stopped staring at the flames with lifeless eyes, I noticed that Levi wasn't present.

He must be feeling four times what I felt now. Four times the excruciating pain of loss ricocheting around my chest. As I had started to fade back into reality, my worry for him crept up.

I hadn't seen him yet.

Days later, this was still the case. Activities had restarted. The obstacle courses, gyms and forest practice areas were brimming with people again, whilst I found myself wandering the silent corridors of the HQ. Since Erwin had returned, he had taken over our group whilst they contemplated who would be promoted. After the expedition, even more places had arisen.

My footsteps echoed on the slate-grey floors as the shouts from outside swept in through a window. Eventually, I reached a door and stepped into the outside world. The weather was dismal- it had been for the last few days. The clouds seemed to echo the sullen atmosphere in the scouting legion as people still suffered the mental scars, raw in their minds. Sodden grass squelched under my boots and I realised it had been raining. Had I been so out of it that I hadn't heard it? It seemed so. Raising my eyes to the heavens, I noticed it was still drizzling. A splash of water landed on my face.

It was becoming more and more difficult to find things to do recently. I had helped Hanji for the past two days, done the odd few jobs for ranks and in between that, wandered over to Levi's room, only to turn away again. How could I console someone who had lost everything in a matter of minutes? My mind cast itself back to the smashing sounds and the swearing on the day of Levi's return...

I was on my way back from one of those said 'wanders' right now. Yet again, turning up at his door only to walk away without knocking. In the end, I decided to climb back to the top of _that _hill. It had been a while since I had done it and my arm had somewhat healed. It had been a week; my arm no longer throbbed all day and my sleep was rarely disrupted by pain... physical pain anyway. The rocks were wet and crumbled from under my feet. I knew this was a terrible idea, but something drew me to the hill. It was my paradise in hell. An oasis to escape to.

I followed the path I knew well and found myself at the top, gazing out over the horizon. I shivered as it began to rain again, a strong wind turning the droplets on my skin into icicles. It was then that I noticed him.

"Levi." I said. He was sat on a rock with his back to me, overlooking the horizon with one arm hooked over the knee of one leg. When I spoke, he half turned so that his eyes met mine. Those eyes... a reflection of the one's I had seen in the mirror this morning. Sleep deprived eyes with dark circles, punctuated by small, lifeless irises which looked but didn't see. He faced away from me again.

Walking over the jutting, slimy rocks and feeling a curl of my hair drop into my face under the weight of rain, I sat beside Levi and looked for the same horizon he saw. We exchanged no words; that momentary eye contact had spoken everything that needed to be said. The rain fell heavier and soon we were both shivering, skin pale and clothing glued to our bodies.

"Lena," Levi said, barely audible over the gentle hiss of rain. "What do you fight for?"

"My life." I replied, simply. "I've seen death so many times that I've learned to fear it."

"And it's that simple?" he frowned. I saw him glance at me from the corner of my eyes. "That makes no sense. Why did you join the legion?"

"Two reasons. One- to live."

"To live?"

"To smile; to cry; to feel emotions. When I lived alone, all I felt was fear and loneliness. Here I've made friends... and enemies. I will get to see what most others will never- the outside world. The true world. I call that living."

"And the second?"

"To find my brother. I originally planned to join the military police, but... a sense of responsibility overcame me. And curiosity. I want to see outside the walls."

"I see." Levi sighed. "You're a complicated girl."

"Aren't all girls complicated?" I smiled. Levi's eyes lowered and he breathed out slowly. I remembered Petra, immediately feeling bad for sparking his memories.

I don't know how long we spent there together, feeling the rain slide down our skin. Our shirts turned clear in parts, letting the skin beneath show through. I tilted my head to the skies and let the droplets run down my face. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the security of Levi's presence- a security I'd lost since the expedition. We both came here arbitrarily, yet still managed to meet. I began to freeze, my arm experiencing a burning sensation and sharp strikes of pain. Levi must have been cold too. Neither of us wanted to leave though. There was a peace here unlike any other; our oasis. I shivered and drew my knees closer to my chest.

"You'll freeze like that." Levi eventually sighed.

"I already am."

"Then go back where it's warm."

"What are you, my mother?" I spat. "What about you?"

"I'm humanity's strongest soldier." he replied. "I'll live."

"Not up here you're not. Here, you're Levi." I looked at him and he tipped his head to look at me.

"Anyway, brat. You owe me something." A ghost of a smirk appeared on his lips. I paused, narrowing my eyes. "Slave pass." He explained. A horrified expression crept along my face.

"Today?!"

"Yeah." Levi stood, brushing back his hair so that some of it stuck and the rest dropped back down. "I'm going to enjoy this." He lowered a hand down to my level; I took it gingerly. With immense strength, he pulled me to my feet. "But first, brat. How the hell do you expect to get down this hill in your condition?" he scolded whilst I staggered for footing. It was very slippy and the rain was only making this worse.

"Midget transport?" I asked, then immediately knew I'd gone too far. This was confirmed when a foot swept under mine and I was sent careering onto my bum. The mud splashed and littered my shirt and trousers with brown droplets.

"Disgusting." Levi's lip curled. A grin tugged at my lips as I coated my hand with the thick mud and made my way threateningly towards him. This would be my revenge for the pain! "Don't you dare, brat!" Levi growled, his voice reverberating like thunder, coupled with the flash of anger in his eyes.

"Do what?" I said innocently, getting onto my knees whilst waving the hand near him. He backed away until I lunged for him and moved backwards so quick that his footing slipped and he ended up on his back in the mud in front of me. I dived on the opportunity and pinned him to the floor by sitting his chest. Before he even had the chance to complain or kick me off, I painted mud-whiskers of his face.

"LITTLE SHIT!" Levi was in utter shock. He touched his face gingerly and looked at the mud coating his fingers, horrified. It must be all over his back too... and maybe his chest since I was sat on him. "This will take years to get out!"

"It's my slave day, right?" I laughed. "I'll do it."

"Oh, so I'll let you handle my clothes then?" He scoffed. "You're so clumsy you'd probably ruin them."

"They're already ruined." I smiled. He scowled at me.

"I fucking know." Levi snorted, giving me his best 'I-am-extremely-pissed-off' expression. I just grinned down at him as we stared each other out. In a flash, he had brought up his mud-covered fingers and slashed my face. He smirked at the dirt across my nose as I gaped.

"Alright, alright." I huffed. "Let's stop."

"When it suits you, right?"  
"Oi." I laughed, standing up. Levi moved to stand too, but somehow he managed to place his hand on my foot as he pushed himself up. I quickly tried to remove my foot and ended up sliding and searching for balance. Levi reached out to steady me, but I fell forwards on top of him and forced him back into the mud with an 'oof!'. With my head face down beside his neck, I blushed furiously and pushed myself off his chest.

"S-sorry." I stammered, hearing the mud squelch under my knees. My head raised so that I was looking into his dark, calm eyes- about an inch away from my face. My face burned and I hurried to get up. Levi stopped me with a hand on my neck. I froze under his touch. He held my gaze as my heart began to constrict quicker and quicker. Slowly, he leaned forward and placed his lips onto mine.

If my mouth hadn't have been preoccupied, I'd have gasped. And snorted. And maybe yelped.

I saw that he had closed his eyes as he tilted his head. There was no way I was closing my eyes when I was panicking this much. After a few seconds, his lips locked onto mine and his tongue gently pushed for entrance to my mouth. I let him, sinking into the warmth of his mouth and letting his tongue dance across mine. I was too shocked to argue with anything he was doing, fully succumbing to the power of his lips as they moved rhythmically. Soon, I closed my eyes too... but all too soon, he stopped and drew back. His eyelashes fluttered as they opened and he gazed at me with an expression I couldn't define.

"Sorry." He muttered. Levi stood up quickly whilst I got to my feet clumsily. I watched as he walked away, feeling multiple emotions wash over me.  
"Sorry?" I asked, watching his back as he made his way down the hill alone.

"Forget that ever happened." He said.

**AN: Ouch.**

**Sorry about the wait and the short chapter. Exams are coming up so I'm struggling to get in time to write. I will finish this though! And I will make sure I keep updating regularly!**

**I was so evil in this chapter. You're all going to hate me by the end of this story. Look forward to the next update! Sorry for the wait ^_^**


	10. OUR STRENGTH 2

…

**OUR STRENGTH 2**

"W-what?" I stammered, still feeling the tingling of his lips on mine as he hunched his shoulders and ignored me. My whole body felt cold, yet his warm lips had left a trace of heat across mine. "You can't do that!" I stepped to follow him, but he still ignored me. "What was that all about?! Oi! LEVI!"

The bastard kept walking.

**LEVI-**

She had every right to be furious. I heard her begin to follow me, then stop as she cursed under her breath. I could understand her anger. I had been overwhelmed by her, and in a moment of madness- kissed her. Even worse, it wasn't just a peck on the cheek. I had _enjoyed _her. I had lavished in her. I had relished in her taste, her blush, her timid lack of skill... The way her teeth clumsily clanked against mine while she settled into me. The way her hair under my fingers was soft yet damp. The scent of dirt across her nose which was centimetres from mine.

But then I was jolted back to reality.

I had taken advantage of her. In my grief of Petra, I had longed for something to fill the emptiness inside me. She knew I was depressed; I knew she was kind. The moment my lips touched hers, she let me take away a bit of pleasure to ease the pain in my chest. She was a drug to me- if I wasn't careful, I'd become addicted. If that happened, she'd be too innocent and kind to say no. Too nervous. Too shocked. Too kind.

That's why I couldn't do it.

Moreover, despite what Gunther had preached, love should be banned in a world where anyone could die at any minute. Couples often made rash decisions, which ended up with one of them dead... and one of them better off dead. How could I, a man who kills, love? How could I, who doesn't feel, love? If I loved her...

Why am I talking about love?

I don't love her. Like I said, she was the medicine to grief- something I shouldn't have taken. Hopefully now, she'd see me for my true self. A selfish bastard. As I neared the bottom of the hill, I briefly glanced over one shoulder to see if she had followed me. She hadn't. There was no sign of her.

The grounds were empty; a combination of rain and lunch had driven people indoors. This meant I was able to return inside without gaining any attention, feeling the drying mud crack of my shirt and face whilst rain water continued to splatter after me, leaving a trail of droplets and footprints in my wake.

"Levi?!" A voice called from behind me. I groaned inside. Hanji dashed to my side, then in front so I couldn't walk off. I kept my eyes on the floor for fear that if I looked into her eyes, she'd read my thoughts. "What the hell happened?! Dirt and Levi don't go together."

"Shut up, shitty-glasses. It's raining, or haven't you noticed from obsessing over your titan lovers?"

"Oh and so you just took a stroll and got soaked... not to mention coated in mud." she rolled her eyes behind her lenses. "Did you have a fight?.. no. Who'd fight with you? Did you... slip?"

"Yeah, I slipped."

"Somehow I don't believe that's the whole story."  
"Then suit yourself." I grunted, attempting to dodge past her. She moved in front of me again and I scowled, on the brink of exploding.

"Where's Lena?" Hanji asked suddenly. I started, blinking in surprise. "Ahh, so you've seen her."

"I bumped into her. What's up?"

"What happened?"

"Nothing, shitty-glasses."

"Did you two...?"

"Get out of my fucking face." I spat. "Get your head out of the gutter before I drag it out." With that, I pushed her aside. She didn't stop me as I walked off.

"I'll just ask Lena then." She called after me. I just sniffed and continued walking.

"Do as you like."

…

After I had dried off, gotten changed, briefly washed my clothes and hung them to dry, I headed to the canteen to get lunch. For the rest of the day, I ignored Lena. When I saw her, I averted my eyes and walked in the opposite direction. This was easier than expected, since I could tell in the rare moments that I met her eyes that she was still angry. She didn't want to see me either. I saw Hanji take her to one side once, but Lena snapped sharply and walked away. It seemed she didn't want to talk about it.

For days, this went on. In the midst of training and work, there was always an underlying atmosphere hanging around- an awkward atmosphere. I'd catch her staring at me, but when I looked, she'd look away. She'd catch me glancing her way, before I'd pretend I'd never been staring. Hanji was certain something had happened, but she gave in her interrogations... Very reluctantly.

"Levi," the appearance of Erwin brought me out of my subconscious. "Sorry for making you wait."

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten." I spat. Erwin sat opposite me behind his desk.

"About promotions." he began, addressing his sheets. "We have two squad leader positions open."

"Who've we got to fill em'?" I asked, Erwin shuffled through the notes, pulling out several of the soldier forms and setting them aside. I caught Erd's picture briefly before it was covered up. Eventually, Erwin splayed five sheets out before me. I eyed each person, stopping shortly upon one of the males- it was the man who had called Lena 'cricket'.

"Who are you thinking?"

"These two are definitely capable. I heard this one's comrades really trust him. He brings a great sense of teamwork and trust to his team." Erwin explained, gesturing to the same man. I frowned.

"We want a leader, not a team player."

"I understand that. But a leader can develop in anyone; getting people to trust you is a natural skill you can't easily learn."

"What about the others?"

"This man here has a lack of experience, but perfect leadership capabilities. He is also very keen to move up the ranks."

"No. Experience is vital. A man who wants power is not. He may make decisions that endanger his team for the sake of promotion."

"Not unlike me, then." Erwin stared at me calmly. I didn't falter under his gaze; he didn't expect me to. "Okay, the third one. She is very experienced and a skilled soldier. She is strongly moved though... which could be her downfall."

"Someone who moves on emotions may be rash. She won't be able to handle deaths of her comrades."

"Indeed." Erwin nodded. "This man was my second choice. He is very calm and isn't easily phased. However, he seems to be very solitary."

"Not unlike me then." I said, sarcastically. Erwin smirked slightly.

"Maybe. Then, the final one is this man. He gets very worked up and emotional, but has been proven to make good decisions."

"Caving under pressure is a definite no. Go for the two you thought of first."

"I thought you would say that. I'll run them past Hanji and make the presentation tomorrow."

"That was quicker than expected." I mused.

"Our options were somewhat narrowed down after the last expedition." The commander said grimly, standing with his shoulders drawn back to watch me leave. I turned my back to him and made for the door. "Oh, Levi," I paused, hand on the door handle. "Have things been... okay recently?"

"What the hell are you on about?"

"You've not been yourself. You can't go on like this, Levi. You have a job to do."

"I know that." I scoffed, opening the door. "I don't need fucking counselling."

…

Days dragged by. I didn't know how long I could possibly keep ignoring her for; it had been a week already. Stein (cricket guy) had been promoted along with the other guy, Alfons. They had taken their roles as squad leaders- Stein in charge of Lena's group (how lucky), and Alfons in charge of another. This meant I had even more free time. Erwin had asked me to reform 'Levi squad' in order to protect and guard Eren. I had a vague idea of who I would pick... but I hadn't thought about it in detail.

"URH!" Air forced itself out of my lungs as I swept past my millionth victim. Or so it felt. Training, training, training. That's all I had been doing. There wasn't another expedition planned for a while and I had no team to lead. I'd come to the forest with my 3DMG to train, slicing through the foam necks of titans one by one. I wasn't even sweating; I'd built up such strength and cardiovascular endurance that the hours worth of slicing I had done had no effect on me. Or maybe that was because it was cold...

"HAH!" Another victim. It didn't give me any satisfaction. My enemy wasn't falling. It wasn't real. Its death didn't help humanity win... what was the point? Yet I still drove on, boredom or perhaps something else forcing me to continue. My body was on autopilot, leaving my mind to wander back to Lena.

"Fuck!" I spat as I missed the target, careering through the air. My piston spat out another grip and yanked me back to the titan. I cut it cleanly this time. "I need to do something about this." I muttered to myself, landing on a tree branch and gritting my teeth. "Why can't I just forget?!"

I decided it was time to end my training and began to move through the air back to HQ. The greenery to both sides of me became a blur as I gained speed, eventually crashing through the trees and onto the grass verge before HQ. Carefully, I removed my 3DMG and checked my tank. It was almost empty, yet I hadn't even realised. This irritated me to no end; my abilities had faltered recently. I wasn't worthy of my title any more.

"Heichou!" Eren called, spotting me just before he walked into the castle. I walked in his direction and he met me halfway, turning to walk beside me indoors. "You've been disappearing a lot recently."

"Fuck off." I spat, taking my irritation out on him. "I don't need you on my back too."

"S-sorry." He muttered. "But if I can help-"

"You can't." I snapped. "So leave it."

"If you just say what's wrong..."

"What if I don't know what's wrong?" I thundered, hearing my voice raise but doing nothing to lower it. Something had been bugging me for a while. I hadn't slept properly, kept awake by memories and frustrations... then frustrations about not knowing why I'm frustrated.

"Then just speak your mind." Eren said. "It might be that you're not voicing what you think so you can't get rid of it."

"Really? Then I'll tell you." Eren looked at me happily, like a puppy who'd been praised. "I'm a selfish bastard who wants something he can't have, and that's frustrating because I can't forget about it."

"It?"

"I'm not going into details." I snorted, feeling that indeed, my thoughts had been objectified by just voicing them. The brat had been right... but I wasn't going to tell him that.

"Why can't you have it? Does someone else have it?"

"No."

"Is it expensive?"

"... It's valuable."

"Are you worried what others would think of you having it?"

"Fuck no."

"Is it pretty?"

"... I'd say so..." I said, trying to avoid saying what I actually thought- of course it is. It's stunning.

"Does that thing not want to be yours?"

"I don't deserve to have it."

"Is it... a human?" Eren pried further. This push was enough to jolt my pride.

"Shut up about it, brat. You're not my agony aunt."

"It's valuable, pretty and you don't deserve it..." Eren pondered, ignoring my threatening tone. "Is it... no... it can't be... Levi-" Eren hit enlightenment and stopped walking to gape at me. "Levi heichou is in love?!" For a second, I was too stunned to react. My mouth hung open slightly, eyes staring into Eren's glittering green ones. He looked like I'd just told him my biggest secret ever, wide eyes shocked but excited.

"F-fuck, fuck no!" I stammered when I eventually found my voice. "Where the hell did you get that from?!"

"But Levi-"

"Shut it, brat!" I stormed off. If he followed me, it wasn't his fault if he landed on his face.

"Levi, wait!" He did. BAM! Flat on his face.

"There's a corporal on that, rat faced worm!"

Seriously. Cadets were getting braver by the intake.

…

At dinner, Hanji dragged me to her table and sat down beside me, munching loudly.

"Oi, shit-face, shut your mouth when you eat."

"But I've got so much to talk about!" Hanji spoke through a mouthful of food.

"That's disgusting." My face wrinkled in disgust.

"Speaking of disgusting," Hanji swallowed. "What's happening with Lena?"

"Those two aren't even related."

"I know, I just needed to ask."  
"You don't _need _to. You're just fucking nosey."

"Do you know what people used to call me in my intake, Levi?" Hanji shovelled more food into her mouth.

"I don't like to swear." Hanji almost choked.

"Haha, nice joke. You should go on stage." She swallowed some water to rinse her mouth, then began again. "They used to call me cupid."

"Don't you mean, stupid?"

"That too." Hanji nodded. "But I can make any two people fall in love and live happily ever after."  
"It hasn't worked with you. Look at your titan lover, Bean. He was killed."

"Oh hilarious. What I'm trying to say is, if you talk to me, I can solve your love issue."

"That's great but I don't have one."  
"Don't lie, Levi. Eren told me." This time, it was my turn to choke. I glared at Eren who was across the room and considered using the fork in my hand for a more deadly purpose... Oh look, there's a knife too.

"What speculations has he been ranting to everyone?"

"Not everyone, just me. I found him on the floor and got the information out of him."

"Did he also tell you that I never said that?" I lifted a cup to my lips.

"Can we get past all this bullshit and move on to the truth?"

"This is the truth." I said, before sipping gently.  
"From what I've gathered, it's what you'd like to truth to be. You'd like to not be in love, but you are." Just then, something caught Hanji's eyes. She grinned manically. I had expected more questioning, but Hanji stood and left the table... and her food. Seconds later, she returned dragging someone else with her. Lena.

Fucking cow.

"Lena, Lena!" Hanji said, pretending I wasn't there. "Sit here, I have experiments to discuss with you!"

"I'm not good with science..." Lena held onto her tray, clearly wanting to get away as fast as she could.

"All the better! I can get an objective viewpoint!"

"Can we do it over there-"  
"Nope!" Hanji smiled. Lena reluctantly set down her tray and began to tear at her sandwich. Hanji began talking, and for five minutes, she spoke non-stop. Then, all of a sudden, she stood up and said- "Sorry, I've got to go!", running off to leave us alone.

Fucking. Cow.

I sipped my tea calmly, nevertheless. Lena's eyes darted around, before she lowered them and continued eating.

"S-soo..." She muttered, almost as low as a whisper. "Have you sorted out your feelings yet?" she asked. Liquid dropped unexpectedly down my throat and I spluttered.

"Feelings?"

"You were grieving, right? That's why... right?"

"I..."

"Or was it my fault? Did I seem like I was... coming on to you?" She was blushing... and even I felt embarrassment burn my cheeks.

"No, I..."

"Why did you ignore me? What do you mean by, forget about it?"

"I meant to forget it."

"You say that, but then you ignored me. You made it out to be some big deal." Lena huffed. Gently, the box of frustrations she had been keeping to herself was opening. I was surprised she had managed not to vent for so long.

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking."

"When you said 'forget it', or when you kissed me?"

"Both."

"So it was just arbitrary?"

"I was... you were..." Words wouldn't even form. What should I tell her? Things couldn't go on like this... but I couldn't exactly tell her the truth.

"Go on. I feel like I should know."

"You were just there." I began. "I was depressed. And you were there. That's all."

"That's all?" Her eyes seemed hurt... of course they would. I had just told her that I'd fucked up her emotions and stolen a kiss from her... because she was the first person I saw. That wasn't true at all, but I had said it anyway.

"That's all."

"And you ignored me because...?"

"I didn't want to lead you on." I said. Lena looked at me for several seconds. In that time, I couldn't read her mind. Usually, her eyes were pretty much open doors. But in those moments, I just couldn't understand the emotion she was showing... she soon made it clear to me.

"Bastard." She spat, standing quickly and storming away. She was the type to stay calm and ignore her anger, letting it build and build whilst she stayed calm on the outside... until she snapped- like with Oluo. And, I guess, she had just snapped. I saw Guthrie catch my eyes as he took her arm and led her away. His brown eyes narrowed, but not enough to threaten me.

I didn't watch them leave the room.

…

"_Heichou." she called. A voice as gentle as the tinkering of bells. I was in the woods, 3DMG weighing down my torso and legs, rain thundering on the treetops and splattering onto the ground. "Are you going to join us?"_

"_You know I can't."_

"_I miss you."_

"_I miss you too."_

"_How have you been? Are you happy?" she asked, touching my cheek and leaving gold sparks tinkering along my skin._

"_No, I'm not." I admitted, holding her gaze honestly._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_You all left me. How can I be happy?"_

"_There's more to it than that." She said, frowning at me._

"_There is." I couldn't lie to her. I'd lied too much to her when she was alive._

"_Is it Lena?"_

"_How does everyone know?" I rolled my eyes. She chuckled._

"_An eye can't lie,_

_The dead can't sing,_

_A bird can't fly without a wing._

_Reasons are simple._

_Reasons are pure._

_Truth is within the eyes- not in the jaw." She finished. _

"_Nice poem." I said, satire lining my words like cement._

"_It's the truth." the woman smiled before me and looked at the dark skies. I was soaking wet and cold, yet somehow she was perfectly dry._

"_I can't be with her." I sighed. The girl looked at me._

"_Why not?"_

"_You know better than I do what this world is like." I huffed, gesturing to our situation. "We're in a fucking dream. You're not really here."_

"_Aren't I?" she laughed again, teasing me. "If you deny love, you deny my feelings when I was alive." I halted the words in my throat and swallowed them. "So, do you deny love?"_

"_I can't love."_

"_Then how come you love her?"  
"I don't."  
"Then why are we having this conversation in your subconscious?" _

"_This is fucked up."_

"_You're a mess, Levi. Let go of your pride and stop lying to her."_

"_It's not pride holding me back!"_

"_Then what? Are you scared of losing her? Are you afraid of rejection? Or is it that you can't open up to anyone after all this time. All this time, you've pretended not to care and thrown all emotion to the wind. Now, she's tearing you apart."_

"_Shut it. I finally get to see you... can't we discuss something else?"_

"_Maybe next time. Until then, I can't rest happily."_

"_Next time my fuckin ass. I'm not going to sleep for weeks after this."_

"_You chose her over me, so you better live happily ever after, Levi."_

"_This is far from a fairy tale, Petra."_

"_I know." She smiled and I could sense myself waking up. "But fairy tales are based off reality. You can always trace a fairy tale back to it's original beauty."_

I came back to reality and felt the cold of the morning envelop my skin.

"Original beauty, huh?" I muttered to myself.

**LENA-**

"Morning, pig-face." Someone called as I opened my eyes lazily. "Are you enjoying your new bed? It smells like shit in here because of you."  
"Luann, I didn't exactly choose to come here. They moved two people into my room and shifted me into the empty bed in your room."

"It wasn't empty. It was the bed I used to put things on."

"Well you can put them in the wardrobe now, like a fucking normal person."

"Or you can go die and let me have my space back."  
"No can do," I said, sitting up and setting my eyes on the ugly bitch glaring down at me. "Why don't you die and pray Satan will give you your own room in hell?"

"Actually, I won't be going to hell. God likes people like me. The upper class... not the pig-shit scoopers you were brought up with."

"Wake up and smell the bullshit coming from your mouth. You ain't the upper class _darling._"

And so on. Ever since I had moved into this room a few days ago, this had been our morning routine. Wake up- argue. Go to bed- argue. The two other girls in our room were almost fed up of it. In the beginning, they had joined in on Luann's side. Now, they were completely bored of the same insults. As was I.

I stormed out of the room and collected my breakfast, slouching into the empty seat at my usual table with Guthrie and Kurt.

"Urrggggghhhhh..." I moaned, placing my face on the table.

"Luann?" Guthrie asked, patting my hair gently.

"Someone let me tape her mouth shut." I begged, forcing myself to sit upright and chew whatever delight lay in my dish.

"Poor you." Kurt chuckled.

"You don't seem very sympathetic."  
"I'm not. I think it's hilarious."  
"Oh gee, thanks."

"Well," Kurt huffed and I sensed a storm brewing. "I'm not having sympathy for the girl who keeps secrets."

"What secrets?" I was so tired of this.

"Something happened with that stuck up bastard that you won't tell us."  
"Exactly." I sighed.

"Whhhhhyyyy?" Kurt whined. "This is torture! Just tell me! Did he reject you?"

"No."

"Did you reject him?"

"No."  
"Was there any love confession at all?"

"No."  
"How boring." Kurt pouted and swallowed some coffee. As soon as he rested the cup down again, he launched back into it. "Did you do something embarrassing?"

"No."

"Are you going to answer any of my questions with yes?"  
"No."

"Cow."  
"Kurt, stop it," Guthrie laughed softly, flicking him on the nose. I watched and frowned; Levi used to do that to me. "But I agree with him, Lena. We're supposed to be your friends." I almost choked.

"You as well?!"

"Ava would say the same too." He nodded. My gaze flickered to the empty seat at our table... and I sighed again.

"Fine. But this goes no further than our table."

"Hey hey!" Kurt looked appalled. "How come he asks just once and you spill all?!"

"I met him on the hill." I began, ignoring Kurt's protests. "We were both, you know... pretty upset." They nodded. "It was raining and we got talking. Eventually, we kind of got into a fight with mud- because he hates mud- and I slipped and... ended up on top of him... Then, I tried to stand up and... he kissed me."

"WHHAATT?" Kurt screamed, pounding the table in glee. "Go on, go on!" Guthrie was frowning at me.

"Then he looked at me strangely, stood up and left saying 'forget about that'."

"WHHHAAATTT?!" Kurt gasped again, earning him a hit in the guts from me to keep him quiet.

"Since then he has ignored me."  
"Oh my goodness gracious pants on fire." Running a hand through his hair, Kurt shook his head.

"Bastard." Guthrie narrowed his eyes. "He said that? Did he just take advantage of you?"  
"That's what he said the other day."  
"He admitted it?!" He was seething, dark brown eyes flaming with anger.

"He is soooo in denial." Kurt smiled, pointing at me. "Humanity's strongest soldier, right? He can't exactly live up to that role while protecting a girl."

"That's true..." I mumbled, seeing sense in his argument.  
"No, he is humanity's strongest- a harsh bastard who can kill mercilessly. You think he can't take advantage of a girl? That's all it was." Guthrie took the opposite view point and drove my hope back into the ground.

"No, no, listen." Kurt shook his head. "Am I, or am I not, an expert in love?"

"Not." We chorused, my light female voice to Guthrie's deep, angered one.

"I am." Kurt continued regardless. "And I saw this coming. You need to break through his shield and get him to love you."

"What if she doesn't love him?" Guthrie shot back.

"She does though."

"She doesn't."

"How do you know?"  
"He's a bastard."

"An attractive bastard." Kurt added.

"I'm beginning to think you're the one after Levi."

"I am. I'm after Levi to love Lena!"

"That made no sense at all."  
"Only in the eyes of a man with no sense of romance." He tutted, waving a hand in front of his face dismissively. I laughed at Kurt, even though it was hardly the time.

"Lena, we need to come up with a plan."  
"No, we don't." Guthrie answered sternly.

"I say, we use your relationship with mister Steiny whiney."

"What relationship?" I laughed again.

"Soldiers with benefits. Mister squad leader shall fall for my Lena's feminine charm! Miss Hertz! You shall be henceforth named the goddess of men! Have them falling to their knees! Make Levi jealous then get his ass under your command."

"Kurt," Guthrie struggled to stay serious. "She deserves better."

"Are you offering?" Kurt winked in reply. Guthrie's cheeks tinted red and he denied it profusely. "See, my darling, men are already falling for your charm. Take the horse of life by the reins and- oh sorry. I forgot you don't like horses. Take the wild boar of life by the snout and ride it to the top!"

By the end of Kurt's mad speeches, I was in stitches.

...

**AN: Omo, you're all so amazing. Literally, you reviewers make me so happy. You read my story, I read your reviews. I will read them on sad days and smile. **

**Ahh, I feel like this chapter turned my story into the setting of a Korean drama ahah. Ah well, I did categorise it as drama. I'm trying to get to my ending quickly as I don't want it to drag... but guess what.**

**I really want to write a sequel to this called 'The Chemicals Keeping Us Together', which will be a reincarnation in the modern world. Would you guys read it? Or should I just write another story entirely? Another OC, or Ereri or Rihan or something?**

**I have the ending of CKUT in my head... ooooh, I'm excited. But no- finish this first!**

**Have any of you amazing people spotted the link between those titles? It's quite fitting, is it not? Heheh...**

**And everyone has been speaking in French to me, ahah. Donne un biscuit! But I have a Spanish exam soon so... ?Hables espanol? … Yup. I'm going to fail ^_^**

**Shout out to Titanic-fanatic. I had my kindle next to me while I was writing this chapter. You kept reviewing each chapter as you read and it'd beep at me. About once every hour or so, it'd beep because you had reviewed and inspired me to continue! Literally, seven reviews... I was so happy.**

**Also, shout out to those who review every chapter! I love you! I didn't realise you loved my OC, Ava, so much... Sorry ;)**

**In the beginning, I planned Lena to be a lot cuter than she had turned out hehe. I suppose she's more like a normal person now.**

**Until the next chapter xxx**


	11. SNEERING PIGS 1

…

**SNEERING PIGS **

"Lena!" someone called from behind me. I stopped on my way outside with Kurt and Guthrie, turning back. A red-headed woman bounded towards me. "How's your arm?"

"It's good thanks." I smiled, nodding at Kurt and Guthrie to go on.

"It's been just over two weeks. I think I should do a check up."

"Would you mind?"

"No, of course not!" Hanji showed her teeth and led me away. Upon reaching her room, she waved to a seat and began to untie my sling. "Does it hurt any more?"

"Only if I move it a lot. Look, I can do this!" Moving my arm centimetres up and down, I beamed. This was progress for me.  
"The swelling has reduced a lot," Hanji nodded, inspecting the now only slightly green patch on my arm. "It's healing really well. At this rate, you may be healed in six weeks."

"Six weeks from now?"

"No, six weeks in total. So you're almost half-way, Lena."

"Ahhh," I sighed happily, closing my eyes. "That'd be nice."

"Maybe you'll have time to show your skills and get into Levi's squad."

"Levi's squad?"

"He's forming a new squad under Erwin's orders. To protect Eren again."

"Really?" I mused, raising an eyebrow. "I wonder who he'll choose."  
"You have a good chance. Didn't you come third in your intake?" Hanji said, gently feeling along my arm.

"Me?!" I scoffed. "No way. I've not even been on an expedition yet." I couldn't see Hanji's face, but when she didn't respond I felt like I needed to continue. "Plus, we're not exactly on good terms right now."

"Ho?" She said, surprised. There was a tinge of gossip-lust in her tone. "What happened?"  
"A lot." I said vaguely. "He did something stupid and then did something even stupider to cover it up, when it only made it worse."

"Stupid?" Hanji laughed. "Levi?! Well, well. I didn't know those two words went together."

"He's a man. Of course those words go together."

"Although, Lena," she said, retying the bandage on my arm. "They say that people are stupider when they're in love." If she had expected me to become flustered and innocent, it didn't happen.

"Don't even go down that road." I sighed. "He admitted that he doesn't like me that way."

"So you like him?"

"No, that wasn't what I meant." Okay, now I was blushing.

"What did you mean then?"

"Well, s-something happened and he just made sure I didn't take it the wrong way."

"What happened?" Hanji pressed and I could feel the bandage tightening. I avoided her scarily shaded eyes and focused on a space to my left. "Come on, Lena." She whispered. "Tell me."

"N-no."  
"Why not?"  
"I can't."

"Did he... kiss you?" Bullseye; right through the heart; shattered through the truth and out the other side. With my shocked expression combined with my silence, I guessed that confirmed it for her. "Ooh Levi! What a sneaky devil!"

"Hanji, please don't say anything-"

"I won't." She promised. "But how did it happen?" I could tell from this short experience that Hanji was like a Jack Russell; once she got hold of something she liked the taste of, she wasn't about to let it go. I sighed in resignation.

"It was an accident. It was muddy and I slipped. When I tried to get off from him, he kissed me. But after a while he stopped and told me to 'forget about it'."

"Ouch."

"Then later he told me that he only did it because he was depressed. He wasn't in his right mind."  
"And does that sound like Levi?" Hanji raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"... Not really."

"And can you imagine Levi easily admitting his love and getting a girlfriend and getting married and... you get the idea."

"... Well, no. He's a socially awkward bastard. I bet he doesn't even believe love exists."  
"Exactly!" Hanji announced, like we had reached an answer to the meaning of life. "Lena, don't get disheartened. You've got to break through more than one barrier to get to Levi."

"I suppose... wait, why is everyone giving me love advice? It's not like I-"  
"Don't say it!" Hanji shook her head, vehemently. "Please don't do that. I can't deal with two idiots." Hanji had long since finished tying my sling, so I stood to leave. At this point, Hanji stepped in front of me and rested her hands gently on my shoulders. "Only you can do it." She said. Wow, I felt like the world had been put on my shoulders. "Good luck, Lena." With that, she pushed me from her room and shut the door.

I didn't even know what had just happened. Had I admitted it? Did I actually... No, it was far to early to say something like that. I had only known him two or so weeks. Yet, all this Levi advice- first Kurt, then Hanji- had spurred me onwards. I wasn't going to accept what Levi said as the truth. Because, maybe, he didn't know the truth himself.

…

**LEVI-**

My head was pounding like tiny demons were hammering at my skull and drilling through to my brain. This headache had been building and building; at first, I had ignored it; now it was stopping me from functioning properly. My throat stung and every breath scratched at it, only making it worse.

But I didn't have time for a cold.

"Are you off to train again, heichou?" someone called as I ambled down the corridor in my shorts and t-shirt. I grunted and carried on walking; conversations gave me a headache at the best of times. I strode from HQ and picked up speed slightly to a jog, heading out away from people. There was a route beside the trees that took you between two hills and over to the walls. It followed a river. This was my normal route, lasting around an hour at normal speed; I wasn't in the mood for normal speed.

Oxygen transformed into a drug and I breathed it in quickly, savouring the feeling of it inflating my lungs. Chest rising and falling with increasing frequency, I began to run as soon as my muscles had warmed up. A flock of sheep blocked my path as I exited legion territory into the surrounding farmlands. They ran out of the way, scuttling down the hillside as the path I was running on began to climb. My headache hadn't gone- it still throbbed like a bitch. I scowled through it, squinting into the musky light as clouds passed over the sun again. I didn't particularly hate rain, but I longed for this period of darkness to end.

I was panting now, breath coming in rapid rasps snapping my ribs in and out. I met the stream and followed it to the river below, picking up pace as I began to descend. It was peaceful; no one was around. Only I knew this path; only I used it. Having something this beautiful as my own felt precious... but I was greedy. Something like this, which would soon be discovered and infiltrated by humans, was not enough. I wanted the outside world first. I wanted to be the first.

The wall appeared on the horizon and I twisted away from the stream to head towards it. Moist grass fed droplets of water between my toes as it crept into my shoe. Sweat had began to pop out on my skin and my headache had still not subsided. In fact, it was worse. I had ignored it for as long as I could, but now the pounding was driving me mad. The pain forced my eyes shut and I wondered if in fact, it was a migraine. Soon my breath was horse though- it must be a cold.

I coughed up something nasty and spat it out onto the grass, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand before wincing. _Fucking dirty. _The land opened out and cleared of everything: no trees, no buildings. Just one huge, unforgiving wall that barricaded me from freedom.

An hour later of running and I was exhausted. Lactic acid clogged up my muscles, slowing them down until I was running through syrup. The air was thick, refusing to enter my lungs as I gasped for breath. I felt dizzy. Something was definitely wrong. A run like this was usually wasn't that hard. Right now, it would be a miracle if I made it back without walking.

But I pushed on.

There was no way I was going to walk; I wasn't that ill. There was a saying I always loved: if you're ill, exercise will kill you or cure you. I suppose this time, exercise was not the remedy for my cold. In fact, as headquarters came into sight, I felt like my legs were going to collapse under me. _Breathe, _I told myself. _This isn't hard._

Sparks appeared in my vision, pulling a blanket of darkness into the corner of my eyes. Soon, everything went black.

…

"I heard Levi collapsed!" someone panted, bursting into the room I was in. My eyelids were heavier than lead, refusing to move. I was still confused: where was I; how did I get here; what happened; what day was it?

"He's fine." Someone else interjected calmly. "He's ill, but it's not severe. He just forced his body too much." Then, her voice changed. "Bastard. Why does he have to worry us?!"

"Where did he collapse? How long ago?"

"About an hour ago, one of the soldiers came running to me looking like the building was burning down. He explained that Levi was on the ground near the woods but he was scared to move him. I took him back here and he hasn't woken since." I felt the world fading out again as I drifted back to sleep. My unconscious called to me.

"And it's just a cold?"

"Yeah. Earlier, I noticed him coughing a lot. He hides it well, even to himself. This happened once before actually. No one knew he was ill until the next minute, he was throwing up all over the floor. Needless to say, he wasn't impressed with himself."

"Phew."

"By the way, have you spoken to him yet?"

"Of course not. It was only this morning we had that conversation."

"If you wait here by his side, then you can use your femininity when he wakes up."

"To do what?"

"You know, act the wife. 'Levi-kuuun, don't push yourself!' And then lean over him to place a wet towel on his head."

"He won't like that. The water drops will dirty the sheets."

"Ahh, good point. Then feed him soup!"

"No."

Taking a deep breath, I forced my eyes open. Strength refilled my body with every breath. I noticed that I was in my room, but there were others there too. Two women who had noticed me waking and were now sat staring at me. Sitting up, I glared unintentionally at them; this was unintentional because the headache was causing me to squint in the light.

"Lena. Hanji. "I noticed.

"Gooooood morning~" Hanji chimed, bounding over to me and leaning forward. "How are you feeling, sleeping beauty."

"You're polluting my air. Get lost."

"Why are you always so horrible when you're ill?" Hanji whined.

"Why are you in my room? Again?" I ignored her, scowling at Lena. Lena pouted back.

"Fine. Sorry for worrying." She said, looking away angrily. I swung my legs from the bed and ignored the stars glittering in my vision.

"Ah ah," Hanji shook her head and placed her hand on my chest. "Rest, or you'll just embarrass yourself again."

_Damn her. _I thought. _She knows how to persuade me. _

I decided to do what she said, moving the pillows so that I could sit upright, gladly swallowing the water on my beside table.

"You can leave. I'm fine."

"I've got nothing better to do." Lena shrugged. "They're doing physical training."

"When are you going to start physio? Or are you too lazy?"

"She'll start it when the sling is off." Hanji interjected. "You can't rush the human body, as you found out."

"Shut it." I hissed, the headache reappearing. All I wanted was for them to leave so that I could get my head straight... Was for Lena to leave so that my eyes wouldn't be drawn to her... so that I wouldn't say something stupid.

I was such a bastard. I'd told her that I had used her.

"Lena, make sure he doesn't leave this room." Hanji smiled. Before I could order her to leave, Hanji grinned further. "I've already asked Erwin's permission to have you locked in here. Keheh."

"You're all such..." I almost swore.

"Wait, Hanji-" Lena began to panic, stepping to stop the mad scientist; the door was already shut; we were alone; I sighed heavily.

We were both quiet as time dragged by. Lena took a chair and sat by the window. I watched her out of my peripheral vision, noticing as she twisted a curl of her pony tail with one hand. Ever since Ava had passed away, Lena hadn't worn her hair in plaits.

"Why do you wear your hair like that?" she was surprised at my question, turning slightly to look at me. Her eyes shone and her irises were the usual chocolate brown. I hated sweet things... but those chocolate eyes I would gladly consume.

"I can't do it with one hand." she sighed. I paused.

"I'll do it."

"What?"

"I can tie plaits." I shrugged. Lena's lip twitched.

"How do you know how to do something like that?"

"Why shouldn't I?" I replied. "Besides, it makes things neater and it isn't difficult." Lena regarded me, before nodding.

"Okay."

"Come here then; bring a chair." I instructed, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting as she moved her chair in front of me, lowering herself with her back to me. Her neck was exposed before me as her hair moved to one side. I took it between my fingers, lifting it and combing it softly. I made sure not to tug to hard as I began to twist her hair, plaiting it from the very roots.

"Ava always said my hair was very soft." she said quietly.

"Mm." Yes it was. It felt like she had never been outside- as soft as a baby's hair from top to tip. The colour was magnificent.

Upon closer inspection, it wasn't even a light brown. It was a rainbow of colours from blonde to almost black. The majority of it was light brown, tumbling just past shoulder length. When I came to the end of her hair, I wished it was longer. Wrapping around the bobble, I pretended to fix the sides to make it neater. She was still quiet, breathing gently in the silence. Her neck was exposed to me again now that her hair was tied up. I traced my fingers around her hair line, then moved them to the base of her neck. She became rigid.

"What are you doing?"

"You know, Lena..." I muttered, stoking her shoulders. "I didn't use you."

"P-pardon?"

"When I said that it was just because you were there..." My fingers ran along her jawline and touched her lips, before retreating back to her neck. Her head twisted away from my cold touch, but the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. "It was because I couldn't control myself."

"What are you saying?" she was nervous. I was making her nervous. I didn't know how I felt about that. I hated that she cared so much about what I said; I could hurt her with one wrong word... but I loved that what I was doing was setting her nerves alight.

"I'm saying that..." My hands wandered to her hips and I rested my head on her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Are you... are you delirious?" My hands immediately snapped away from her and I moved back.

"What?" Now_ I _was confused.

"Is this because you're ill?"

"W-what?!" I was taken-a-back. What the hell was she saying? Suddenly, my headache began to return.

"When we kissed, you said you were sorry. You just said it again." Lena stood up from the chair and span around. Her eyes were wide and confused. "Why can't you give me a straight answer?!"

"I-"

"Don't mess with me!" She yelled and I felt cornered. What had I done wrong now? "Don't kiss me and forget. Don't kiss me and apologise. Don't apologise and ignore me. Don't tell me you've used me, then suddenly say you haven't. I hate this!" Lena stamped her foot in frustration and looked away. "Why can't you give me a straight answer?!"

A straight answer? What was that? 'I love you?'... I couldn't say that. Someone like me didn't love; it would only end in tragedy. Besides, she didn't deserve someone like me. When I looked up, Lena was still staring at me expectedly. I guessed that she wanted an answer now.

"I can't." I admitted.

"You..." Her eyes lowered. "You can't give me a straight answer?"

"No."

"Then don't play around with me please." With that, she stormed over to the door and slammed it behind her.

I had done something stupid again.

**LENA-**

I was pissed. I was _so _pissed. Yet again, he'd managed to mess with my head. I didn't want to be someone he could kiss and touch whenever he felt like it, then abuse and ignore the next. It drove me up the wall because he'd raise my hopes, then shatter them into fractures.

I was pissed. I had nothing to do and nowhere to go, so all I could do was wander the halls and hope I didn't bump into him. I stormed outside and kicked the grass as I walked.

"Lena, wait!" someone yelled. Hell, if it was Levi I was going to-

"Guthrie! What are you doing here?"

"Wow!" Said man stepped backwards from my glare. "What happened?"

"Don't ask." I huffed. "What are you doing here?"

"I twisted my ankle so Stein said to head back and rest it, rather than aggravate it."

"Oh." I continued to walk, not willing to start up a conversation in my current mood. He walked beside me, clearly with different intentions.

"Do you want to go for a walk? We have ages."

"Where?"

"I'll take you into town." Guthrie smiled gently, taking my arm and leading me in the opposite direction. I let him, figuring I had nothing better to do.

Guthrie made small talk about what I had missed as we walked. I answered with monotonous, one word replies, yet he still persisted.

"And Kurt really pissed off Luann. He mentioned that his parents were from a better background because she's always treating others like they're lower than her. Now he keeps calling her a commoner and she nearly hit him earlier."

"Sounds like Kurt." I said.

"Then he was singing as loud as he could during paired exercises 'where is your boy tonight?'"

"Aha."

"It drove her up the wall because she knew he was talking about Levi." Guthrie smiled to himself, but his smile froze quickly. "Okay, you need to tell me what's up." His tone suddenly hardened and he looked at me, a serious expression on his face.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"I'm just annoyed."

"About what?" Guthrie pressed. I rolled my eyes and grunted.

"Nothing, just leave it."

"It's clearly _not_ nothing!"

"It's nothing I want to talk to you about." I said, faintly regretting it. He narrowed his eyes and looked away, annoyance creasing his brow. As we neared town, he still refused to speak to- or even look at- me. Minutes dragged by and he still remained in his mini tantrum.

Guthrie had always been the person with the most common sense in our friendship group, staying calm longer than me, who was generally very calm (excluding anything that revolved around one unmentionable guy), whilst sorting out any arguments between us. He was the solid oak of assurance whilst the rest of us were running around like our legs were on fire... specifically, Kurt, who stressed so much at the tiniest thing and once actually set his trousers on fire. For him to get annoyed, I must have done something wrong.

We moved into the town where previously markets had busied the streets. The last time I had been here, it'd been packed full of people like bees in a hive. That atmosphere compared to the quiet area now was like comparing black to white. I heard footsteps behind me and flinched.

"Mama, can Andy come over to play?" A child scuttled past. Just a child. Nothing more.

"Of course, honey. When would you like?"

We strolled past the alleyway where _it _had happened. Guthrie didn't seem to notice me switch sides to walk towards the centre of the street. I didn't like the look of all the gloomy alleyways cutting off from both sides, sticking close to Guthrie. I felt safe behind him, since his mere size was enough to ward off most pick-pockets and thieves. Whilst thinking this as strongly as I could, I tried to convince myself that the man walking towards us was not a threat. I was just paranoid. He would walk straight past and-

"Hey, girl," The man came close and blocked my path. Immediately, I grabbed Guthrie's sleeve and pressed myself into his side. "Sorry to scare you, do you know how I can get to this street?" The man gestured to the name on a piece of paper. My breath rushed out in relief. Guthrie signalled to the man where to go, casting me a confused glance as I lessened my grip on him and reluctantly pulled away. As we were left alone again, Guthrie finally broke his tantrum to speak to me.

"You've been really tense. Are you okay?"

"S-sorry... He just startled me."

"You're sweating."

"You shouldn't say that to a girl!" I laughed falsely. "We don't sweat, we glisten."

"Glisten or glow, you have been acting strange."

"Look, can we drop it?"

"No. I'm frustrated." He said, folding his arms.

"What? Why?"

"You've become so close to Levi that you don't speak to us any more. You don't tell us what's on your mind."

"I do!" I protested, hinting to the morning's escapade with Kurt and the whole 'make men fall to your feet!' discussion.

"You don't. You won't tell me what's wrong even though something is clearly upsetting you! I'm pissed that you pick that bastard over us!"

"I don't!" I was utterly astounded. This was the first time I had argued with Guthrie properly. I couldn't even comeback his arguments.

"Then tell me now!" he said, gently holding my shoulders as I suddenly became self-conscious of others around us. "Please." he added, his eyes softening so I couldn't resist his honesty and kindness.

"The thing is..." I began, looking away and feeling a tinge of red taint my cheeks. "The last time I came here, I was mugged."

"What?!" he exclaimed, eyes wide. "You came alone? When?"

"It was a few weeks ago." I shrugged. "They only took my money."

"But-... why-...?" Eventually, he sighed and released my shoulders. "Why didn't you just tell us? Tell me?"

"I..." Avoiding his eyes, I swallowed. He sighed again, shaking his head. Then, he did something I wasn't expecting. He slipped his hand into mine and placed the other hand on my chin to force me to look up to him- woah, he was tall. "G-guthrie," I began, but he stopped me.

"Since you've told me that... I have a secret to tell you too."

"A secret?"

"Listen, Lena. You mean the world to me. The way you lost everything and can still smile; the way you're so whimsical and do things on impulse; the way you can joke around when everyone else is panicking... I could go on forever."

_Oh no. What is this? Please no- not this._

"I love you, Lena." _Oh. This... What the hell do I do now? _"I know, you probably like Levi. But, you deserve better. Please reconsider. Even if it's not me, please don't cause yourself harm and-"

"Stop!" I yelled, squeezing my eyes shut. "Stop, stop, stop! I have too much on my mind right now! I can't give you an answer... I'm sorry!" The fluster I felt made me stammer and ramble. He looked at me sadly.

"Alright." He said. "But, I will ask you again. So please, have an answer ready for me."

Aaaaaand that basically sums up the awkward walk back. If I had thought it had been quiet walking there, walking back was even worse- ten times worse. Twenty times worse. Still, I couldn't help but mull over all the thoughts flying around in my head, whilst trying to capture and order them. Levi, Levi, Guthrie, Levi, Guthrie, Levi, Levi.

"_I can't give you an answer." _Twice those words had appeared in my life today. The first time, Levi had said them to me and they had driven me up the wall, across the ceiling and back again. The next time, I had said them. Knowing how it felt to be on the receiving end of those words pained me; it left you stranded and uncertain. Who was in the wrong? If I had said the same words that I had despised before, I was a hypocrite. Maybe I had overreacted.

All I knew was that now, finally, I had my answer. I could sort out this uneasiness in my chest... for now.

…

"Levi!"

I was running, albeit awkwardly since I was trying not to jolt my arm out of habit, through the corridors of HQ. I had my answer, but Levi was not there. He wasn't in his room doing paperwork; he wasn't in any of the usual places. I crashed through Hanji's door, then back out again, thundering down the hallways in search of him.

"Hey, Lena!"

"Sorry, Hanji, I'm in a rush!"

Seriously, this place was too big. It was stupidly hard to avoid Guthrie and search for Levi. It didn't seem like Guthrie's injury was serious and he'd probably sleep it off, which was good for me as it meant I wouldn't be bumping into him all the time. We had parted ways as soon as we had returned, as I used the convenient excuse that I needed the toilet.

"Levi!" I called again.

"Which brat is being so damn loud?" I stopped abruptly as the very man I was looking for slammed open a door and glared out. He saw me and raised his eyebrows.

"S-sorry, I need to speak with you."

"It'll have to wait." He dismissed, about to disappear back into the room again.

"Hey wait! Don't be rude!" I marched over to him and grabbed the door before he could shut it.

"Brat, do you know where you are?!" Levi hissed. I peered around the door and gasped. "I'm in a meeting with the commander! Get lost!"

"I am so sorry!" I bowed to the commander, flustered. He simply nodded as I retreated away quickly. The door closed in front of me. "Oooh shit."

I hovered at the staircase waiting for Levi to finish his meeting, imagining the commander scorching mental black marks against my name. I hadn't even had the chance to do anything useful before I had gotten injured, then I was screaming and running down corridors... Good one, Lena.

Just then, Levi exited the commander's office and strode over to me.

"What is it, Hertz?" Ouch, last name terms.

"I came to apologise."

"For which part of your life? Or just your existence?" Double ouch.

"I may have overreacted this morning. I'm sorry." I said, lowering my head. He regarded me, but still said nothing. This compelled me to continue. "Take your time giving me an answer. Whatever it is, I'll take it, Levi."

"It's corporal." Levi said, still glaring at me coldly. I shivered under his stare. He sighed, kneading two fingers into his temple.

"Are you still feeling ill?"

"What's it to you?"

"Really, why did I even apologise." I grunted, swiftly turning away and marching down the stairs.

"Wait, Lena." He called, somewhat reluctantly. "We'll speak again later. I'll give you an answer."

"I wait with baited breath." I snorted sarcastically. But, in actual fact, I felt a small bit of nausea at the prospect of his answer. I walked away, cursing the turn of events recently in my life.

It all started with that stupid horse.

.

**AN:**

**It started with a horse, how did it end up like this. I was only a horse. It was only a horse.**

*** laughs at own joke ***

**Yeah, my life is getting busy and so I'm struggling to update half as regularly... but on a positive note, I've made up for those previous short chapters with an extra large edition;) But seriously if it takes too long to update, I may start doing a recap paragraph at the start of each chapter.**

**So many Fall Out Boy references in this story. Probably due to my jealousy of everyone who went to see FOB and The Pretty Reckless... Grr.**

**But omgomgomg apparently SNK season 2 is out soon?! And deathnote remake! Woop!**

**Thanks for reading! And reviewing! And reading this pointless AN!**


	12. SNEERING PIGS 2

**SNEERING PIGS 2**

Time had passed.

It had passed painfully slowly as I awaited Levi's answer. Guthrie had returned to normal activities as his injury had healed; Levi had been his usual scarce self and I had hardly seen him for days. Upon speaking with Hanji, she had informed me that this was because the commander had at least tripled his workload. Levi was working ridiculously hard, coming up with plans and signing papers, whilst sorting out issues in the legion. Apparently, there was a huge incident with the military police as one of the legion had injured a civilian whilst attempting to kill a titan. They were debating whether the soldier should receive retribution for this; Levi was desperately fighting this man's side as his superior. This meant either he was too busy to give me an answer, or he was ignoring me.

From numerous incidents of ear-wigging, I had found out that Levi was in court today for the final judgement on the soldier. He would return later, and so I was hoping to catch him at some point. Despite everything - an answer, or not – it hurt not to see him. I missed him. The simple fact was, his nonchalant, unsociable existence was enough for me. Now, I was pondering in my room how many excuses to spend time with him I could think of.

"Hey, pig." Luann said, opening the door to our room and sitting on the edge of her bed. She yanked off her boots and massaged her feet.

"Hey." I replied, used to this method of greeting; it had simply become a nickname of which she called me. "Feet hurting, princess?"

"Not everyone is used to manual labour."

"I can tell."

"Whatever."

She began to tape up the blisters on her feet, covering the red blotches with dirtied material. Her blisters looked bad; either her boots didn't fit or she truly wasn't used to anything that involved moving from her throne. "If I were you, I'd let them air. Putting material on them will just provide more irritation."

"Well it's a good job you're not me then. Otherwise I'd smell."

"But you wouldn't have bad feet or an attitude problem."

"Hn." Luann sniffed, clearly unimpressed.

"Say," I started, hesitantly, laying back on my bed and staring at the wooden bars of the top bunk where people had etched messages. "How do you talk to someone who doesn't speak?"

"Sign language."

"They can still hear, dumb-shit." I scoffed.

"If they can still hear, then you can still talk to them?" Luann frowned, flicking open a book and sorting through her bags for a pencil.

"Okay, a different question. How do you get close to someone who doesn't do casual stuff?"

"Your grammar is appalling. Did you even go to school? Or couldn't your parents afford it?"

"Don't prevaricate." I smirked- even I could use big words... occasionally.

"Well, dumb-shit, you flirt. Everyone does flirting, even if they don't like small-talk."

"What? Flirting is stupid."

"Oh how quaint." She smirked, scribbling in her notepad. "Let me tell you- flirting is the best way to get a human's attention."

"It didn't work for you and Levi."

"Like I said, a _human's _attention."

"Valid point."

"Are you and Guthrie finally getting it on then?" Luann changed the subject. I snorted and bolted upright like she had jabbed all my nerve clusters at once. "You're so attractive." She noted sarcastically.

"What are you talking about?!"

"I figured since you were interested in flirting, you and Guthrie were finally moving forward."

"Well..." I paused, unsure of why I was revealing this information. "He confessed to me."

"So you're dating?"

"No."

"You don't like him that way?"

"No."

"You like someone else?" -Bullseye. I had to say, Luann had a sixth sense for this type of thing. She was always the first to piece things together whenever any drama occurred in training. One time, she had a theory that one of the men in training with our intake had cheated on his wife at home. She had ingeniously noticed many microscopic things he said and did, which she claimed showed he had a 'guilty conscience'.

Some of her evidence astounded me at how keen her eyes were. She noticed that he went home to his wife a lot on weekends and sometimes in the evenings since he didn't live far away. However, occasionally he would come back in different clothes to what he went away in, and other times he would be wearing the same. She concluded that he was visiting his home on some days, so he could easily go to his wardrobe and get changed, yet other days he was going somewhere else and did not bring a change of clothes. Therefore he must be staying overnight somewhere where he had no change of clothes and that gave him a guilty conscience. I hadn't heard the whole story, but it turned out she was right and the man was caught cheating.

"N-no."

"Don't lie. This type of thing is obvious to me." Luann almost smirked, but she held her pride in and attempted to remain calm and cool. "Kurt?"

"No."

"Stein?"

"No."

"Well, it's not like I'm interested." she shrugged, chewing on the end of her pencil before continuing to scribble. The strokes of her pencil were not consistent. Sometimes, she'd start at the top and others she would scribble in the centre or the bottom.

"Are you drawing?" I asked, tentatively.

"Yeah."

"Can I see?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you'd love me to see." I said, swinging my legs to the floor and stepping over to her. She didn't attempt to block my view of her sketch; nor did she show it to me. Luann kept on moving her pencil along the page, letting the tip skitter and flow, creating texture and depth as she worked. I stared, impressed. From my position upside down, I could see it was a bird. She'd perfected the shadows of the branches perfectly. The light from the sun cast a dark patch across the chest of the bird as it hid within the branches. "What does it mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"A bird..." I hummed, thinking. "Jiyuu no tsubasa. Something caged within branches- but it wants to be caged. It finds safety within the branches even though it could easily fly out. There is sunlight beyond the branches which shows that the grass is greener outside where it can be free, but the bird is cowering from the light so it is scared of what lies outside the safety of it's nest."

"Jeez what are you, Shakespeare?" Luann scowled, smudging a section of the bird's chest with her finger.

"Was I right?"

"No, shit-head. It's just a bird sat in a fucking tree."

…

I was called out later to one of the rooms in HQ. It was so far away from my usual territory that I had to ask for directions. The room was at the other end of HQ on the top floor, away from the dorms. I didn't know why I had been called; I had just been told to hurry up. Opening the door which I prayed to be correct, I peered inside.

"Welcome!" Hanji grinned. She was sat on a table whilst others perched on chairs around it. I looked around and sat down where Hanji had instructed. It was then that I saw Levi, my heart jumping in my chest. What was going on?

"Now that you've all wasted my time getting here, I'll explain why I gathered you." Levi said, glaring at Hanji until she sheepishly slid into a proper seat and sat like a student in an exam. The others in the room seemed just as naive as me.

"Eren Jaeger, Mikasa Akerman, Armin Alert, Historia Reiss, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Guthrie Eisenberg, Kurt Jung, Lena Hertz. You're moving out of your current squad. I'm reforming Levi squad with a new aim- to protect Eren and Historia."

I was stunned. I had always thought Levi's team was a place for the best- not neewbies like me. It seemed others were just as stunned as me. Levi caught my eyes as I gaped. "Is there a problem, Hertz?"

"Well, why have I been chosen?"

"You'll be out of action anyway and this group will be taking part in things that won't always need physical ability. Erwin thought you'd have something to do." Ahh, so that was why. I was here because I was useless. "And you were third in your intake so your ability is good." He added, possibly trying to make me feel less useless. It hadn't really worked. "And then," he sighed as I lowered my head. "There's the fact I can trust you."

There was no doubt in my mind that my face was bright scarlet right then. I focussed on the floor as Levi calmly continued, as though unaware that he had just sent my mind into turmoil.

"The last intake's top ten who didn't turn out to be fuckin' titans... except Eren... as well as positions one, two and three of the most recent intake are now the new members of the Special Operations Squad."

"Then why is Hanji-san here?" Eren muttered, genuinely wondering but scared to voice his concerns around Levi.

"I'm just interested." Hanji shrugged.

"She's slacking off work." Levi scowled. "From now on, you'll be training with me and completing assignments. The information you learn cannot be repeated to anyone- not even under torture. If you crack under torture, then I'll torture you again when I find out, got it?" We all gulped nervously. "We start tomorrow at 5am. The canteen is opening early especially for you so don't be late."

"Yes, sir!" Eren and Sasha called, saluting. The rest of us muttered something similar afterwards.

"You're dismissed." Levi called.

…

"Lena!" Guthrie called as we all began to stand and leave. My back snapped straighter than a steel bar.

"A-ah, Guthrie!" I smiled. "What's up?"

"We've got spare time until tomorrow... do you want to go out tonight?"

"With you and Kurt? Sure!" I interjected quickly, trying to maintain my composure.

"Y...yeah. Sounds good." Guthrie stepped in front of me and Kurt hovered behind, frowning quizzically at me from over Guthrie's broad shoulder.

"In fact, why don't we invite everyone! It'll be fun!" Ahhh... I was definitely clearer than glass right now. My intentions were so obvious I might as well scream 'it's awkward because I don't like you!'. Thankfully, Guthrie played along.

"Yeah, sounds good. Where should we go?"

"Ah!" Kurt moved forward. "I've got a place! I found this place where you can see over the walls and it's really great at night because you can see the stars."

"Wow, really?" I asked, generally stunned. It wasn't often you could see over the walls.

"Everyone!" Kurt called, causing people to stop in the doorway and look at him. "We're going out tonight, is anyone coming?"

"I'm in, I'm in!" Sasha smiled, jostling Connie to get him to come. He nodded.

"We'll go." Armin said, speaking for Mikasa and Eren too.

"Well, I've not got much to do." Hanji said.

"Clearly." Levi spat, continuing out.

"Oi, oi." Hanji stopped him by grabbing his shoulder. "You're coming too, right?"

"Of course not." He shrugged her hand off. "I actually have work to do."

"Oh come on!" Hanji pleaded.  
"Yeah, Levi!" I joined in. "Just come." Levi's eyes wandered the room before settling on mine. I pulled my best childish pout and for a fraction of a second, I swore he laughed. It was a soft, quiet laugh- more of a snort, to be honest. But it was there.

"I'll think about it."

"Yey!" Hanji cheered, bounding around him. All of a sudden, I felt bad for rejecting Guthrie's ploy to be alone with me. But at the same time, I was happy that we were all getting to relax again before another day of hard work. I was sure that Levi felt the same; for a team to work best, they need to bond and relax together. The leader was such an important part of the team that it was vital they were there.

Later, Kurt was leading us towards the place he had found. Ahead, the track faded and began to ascend. The top of the tall hill seemed like miles away. Everyone had fallen into little groups, chatting. I was walking with Guthrie, Kurt, Hanji and Levi. Hanji was practically dragging Levi along, who attempted to fade into the background numerous times. Guthrie was standing uncomfortably close to me and eventually, Kurt couldn't stand it anymore.

"Ah, Lena!" He said, turning quickly to me. "C'mere. I've got something to tell you." Guthrie raised an eye brow as I gladly skipped to Kurt's side and leaned in as he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

"Why is Guthrie clinging to you? Has something happened?"

"He c-confessed." I admitted, blushing.

"WHAT?!"

"SHHH!"

"I mean, I knew he liked you but I figured he was too chicken!" Kurt shook his head in disbelief. "When?"

"When he injured his ankle."

"What did you say?"

"I avoided his question like the plague." I said. "Help me, Kurt."

"Kehe." Kurt grinned. "Another knight battling for a young maiden's affection."

"This isn't a joke; I'm scared! What do I say?!"

"Nothing! You let Levi get jealous!"

"You're so horrible! Your future girlfriend will have a such a task trying to keep you loyal."

"I am loyal!" He protested. "I just like dramatic relationships. It strengthens the bond."  
"Oh shut it you romantic idiot." I laughed.

"I'll speak to him about it when I can." Kurt said, seriously. "I'll find out his intentions."

"Bleh." I shivered. "Intentions."

"Not those type." Kurt snickered. "Although-"  
"NO." I plugged my ears. "No, no!"

We walked back over to Guthrie, still climbing higher and higher. Immediately, Guthrie enclosed the gap between us and smiled at me.  
"What were you talking about?"

"Kurt asked if Armin has a boyfriend." I said, keeping a straight face.

"You are such a-..." Kurt growled, but stopped himself.

"Lena," Hanji jogged to catch up with us, dragging Levi behind her. "How's your arm?"

"It's great, thanks!"

"It's been just over two weeks now. Soon you'll be able to take off the sling!"

"Hardly soon." Levi scoffed. "Three more weeks- minimum."

"She's young! It'll heal quickly!"

"She's young, not God."

"Take your negativity elsewhere!"

"Someone needs to offload your over positivity."

"Uwwaa!" I interrupted, pointing to the horizon. "I see green!"

Just above the top of the wall, a line of green had become visible of the outside world. We all absorbed the beauty of that fraction of freedom for a second, forever climbing higher and revealing more. I sighed happily.

"Hey, Lena," Kurt grinned. "I'll race you to the top!"

"That's ridiculous!" I said, noticing Levi had said exactly the same thing at exactly the same time.

"She's injured." He finished. I nodded.

"And it'll take another half an hour to walk it to the top."

"We're not going to the top." Kurt said. "There's a ledge a few meters from the top where we can all sit. The top is too windy but that ledge is shaded. You can still see everything well."

"I'll take up that offer!" Hanji beamed at Kurt, challengingly.

"Me too." Guthrie grinned.

Kurt began to run, with those two following close behind. The others spotted the race that had begun to ensue and ran too.

"Why are they running too?" I murmured.

"Because Kurt is the only one who knows the way." Levi, who was still maintaining his stubbornness to walk, grunted.

"I don't want to get lost!" I yelled, suddenly feeling panicked. My sense of direction was terrible and right now, I had no clue where we were or which route to take down.

"We won't. Calm-" Levi was cut off mid-sentence as I began to run. "Hey!"

"My sense of direction is terrible!" I called back, trying desperately to catch up and keep sight of Historia, who had been the last one to begin running.

"Your arm though!"

"I'll be fine!" I faced forward after shouting over my shoulder. Behind me, Levi cursed under his breath and suddenly his footsteps were beside me.

"Stop. You'll injure yourself."

"I don't want to be left behind." I struggled to say without panting, rushing out the words.

"C'mere-"

"EEK-!"

Suddenly, I was in his arms -princess style- and he was bounding up the hill. My arm was safe since he avoided touching my shoulder, whilst his running was so smoothly I could barely feel the bump of his footsteps. I felt my cheeks burn and looked up to see him smirking.

"Why are you laughing?!" I grunted, embarrassed.

"You squealed like a pig." He said, pausing before relaxing his facial muscles into a neutral expression, like always.

I took this opportunity to think over what would happen to us tomorrow. It was the type of thing most soldiers avoided thinking of: what if the titans broke through the wall? What if tomorrow was filled with grotesque crunching sounds of teeth on bone, the slashing of blades on skin and the screams of the innocent... We, as soldiers, should not look forward without caution. Instead, my mind drifted to the possibilities ahead as part of the new Levi squad. It would be dangerous, there was no doubt about that.

I stared into Levi's grey eyes. Upon first glance, Levi was a person full of monotony- his black hair; his dark eyes shadowed by a frown; his thunderous voice. Once a person gets closer to him though, they can see a spark of life hidden behind that monotony. The frown he always wears becomes a sign of calmed determination- a thoughtful, calculating person. Instead of him appearing to be a person lacking in any personality, people can begin to see his character through his cravat and neat appearance, the way he carries his body with pride and even how he almost seems feminine with how he sits and drinks daintily. The things that cannot be seen straight away become clearer.

That's when people realise that he is _human. _

I'm sure that his previous squad realised that before me. Eren may have even begun to see it. The majority of the public though are blind to his human side, blinded by his prowess so that they consider him merely a weapon. Yet, Levi did not care about _the public. _He cared about his squad and only they would personally see his true self. He is completely unlike me- I am transparent. Give me a pair of socks for Christmas and my nose will wrinkle as I lie about how happy I am (seriously, I have about thirty pairs of socks that have somehow wriggled their way into my draw from my sister's bedroom at some point in my life).

Sisters.

It suddenly hit me in my day dream that I knew nothing about Levi. Not even his surname. Not even how long he has been in the legion or how old he is.

"Tell me about yourself, Levi." I instructed, realising that I had maybe seemed a. random and b. rude.

"Is now the * hah * time?"

"You're tired from this?! Hardly humanity's strongest."  
"I'll drop you, brat."

"You're losing Historia- run faster."

"Seriously I'm going to-"

"Who are you, Levi?" I interrupted as he continued panting up the hill.

"Isn't it customary to introduce yourself before you ask about others?" He snorted.

"Okay okay. I'm Lena Hertz. I was brought up on a farm and I'm 20 years old. I had a sister and a mother but they both died in the invasion. My older brother and father are still alive but I haven't seen them recently. I hate horses and I'm a new member to Levi's squad in the scouting legion. Your turn."

"When was the last time you saw your dad and brother?"

"Oi, don't change the subject." I scowled. "My brother joined the Royal Military Police and I never saw him again, whilst my dad disappeared in the invasion."  
"How do you know they're not-" Levi stopped himself. "Why didn't you join the RMP?"

"Curiosity, I suppose. Plus, during training Luann put me off since she wanted to join so badly."

"Why did Luann end up joining the Scouting Legion?"

"Who knows." I shrugged. "Who cares."

"Hn." He agreed. At least, I thought he was agreeing.

Levi began to slow down and I twisted to look forward. Historia was walking now, following the others as they edged around a tall cliff face to the ledge behind. He gently put me on my feet again, which was a surprise and I had my muscles tensed and ready for impact. I heard him snort mockingly.

"Ha, ha." I rolled my eyes. "It shouldn't be funny that I expected you to drop me. You should be ashamed."  
"That a man would hurt a woman?" Levi raised one eye brow and looked down at me, tilting his head so that the line of his jaw was made more apparent.  
"No, don't give me that bullshit. That a human would hurt a human."

"So you're not a feminist?"

"Actually, I don't agree with 'feminism' on it's own. I don't argue that women shouldn't get hit by men or that kind of thing. Gender isn't the problem. If you're hitting someone who's not fighting back or able to fight back, that's wrong." I lectured. Levi smirked and I began to feel self conscious. I hated being ignorant... had I said something wrong?

"What if they've murdered hundreds?"

"Then they're not human so a good punch to the face makes no difference."  
"Then you should punch me?"  
"Huh?"  
"It doesn't matter." He dismissed, about to disappear around the wall of rock to the ledge.  
"You're talkative tonight. Why are you asking so much?"

"I'm always sociable."  
"I'd call it sociopath, not sociable." He vanished as I made another insulting remark. As I scaled the rock face to the ledge, I was met with a flick to the forehead.

"Psychopath." He corrected.

"Usually the conversation goes the other way around."

"Lena! Lena sit here!" Kurt was waving to me with his legs crossed on the far side of the clearing. I shuffled over and sat down between him and Guthrie.

"Uwaa..." I sighed. "It's so beautiful."

Indeed, it was. The wall seemed tiny in comparison to our height and though the light was fading, the huge expanse of the outside world could be seen. Trees casting shadows upon grass tinged golden under the sunlight, surrounded by endless land. Land, land. There were the occasional settlements that had been abandoned. But nothing was prettier than the sun set.

"In an hour or so we'll be able to see the sunset." Kurt smiled at me, noticing how I was totally and utterly enchanted.

"Why? What's different?" I asked, puzzled.

"The horizon changes colour. We only ever see the oranges, but watching a full sunset is much, much more beautiful."

"What even causes a sunset?"

"Light reflecting off dust and cloud matter." Hanji interjected before anyone could speak. "And actually, the sun has already set. We're seeing the aftermath of light."

"Hah?" A chorus of confused voices piped up.

"Don't even bother." Levi grunted from his position behind us, sprawled out on the grass. "We've had this argument before."

"It seriously is! I have a theory that the sun is so distant from us that by the time light has reached us, the sun has already vanished over the horizon."

"But it's there?" Kurt frowned.

"But it's not really."  
"It is!" He pointed at it as if to make a point. "It's there!"

"Okay okay!" Levi groaned. "I've been here before. Seriously, don't start with her." Hanji muttered something under her breath about being unappreciated and also about 'uneducated people'...

"Why are you sat so far away?" I asked Levi. He just huffed.

"Come closer, heichou. There's room." Jean shuffled away from Eren to give him space.

"I'm fine here."

"Don't be a misery." Hanji pouted.

"There's room here." Kurt grinned as he shuffled away from me. I nearly stuck my tongue out at him but held in the temptation. Levi rolled onto his side away from us.

"Hn."

…

We watched the horizon as pastel colours appeared and melted into the rivers of light banding the sky, twisting and moving, fading and brightening as the sun set and darkness began to creep after it. Once the spectacle was over, I looked around and saw that most people had left. Levi, who had eventually shuffled to sit somewhat near us, yawned. Beside me, Kurt gazed on at the horizon as if wishing for the sun to come back. Guthrie, at my other side, had his knees drawn up with his elbows draped casually over them. He caught me looking and smiled tiredly. I could barely make out the features of Hanji as the light faded, glinting gently on the rim of her glasses. I fell back onto the grass and smiled contently. Guthrie looked back at me.

"You okay?"  
"Yeah... Just tired." The wind picked up and blew some of my hair into my mouth. My face scrunched up as I tried to blow it back out, not wanting to exert the effort of moving. Guthrie laughed and reached down to tug the lock from my face and behind my ear. I blushed and thanked the darkness for concealing the red tips of my ears. Since when had he acted so... intimately?! It was sickening!

I shivered.

"Are you cold?" No, just slightly disgusted.

"No I'm fine."

"Here, my jacket." Guthrie took off his jacket and laid it over my torso.

"I'm fine!" I insisted. "You'll get cold."

"I won't." His hands lingered on my shoulders through the jacket as he pulled it around me. Sitting up, I forced the jacket back to him.

"Let's not risk it."

"But what about you?"

"It's not even cold." Even as I said this, he placed one palm on my face and frowned.

"Your face is cold." Hands off my face. Please.

"I'm fine!" I pouted furiously, starting to get annoyed. I didn't need him changing like this. I didn't want him acting so closely. Self-consciously, my eyes darted around and I saw that Levi was watching us. I couldn't see his expression and he barely turned his face this way. Only his eyes gave anything about him away as they bored into Guthrie's back.

Guthrie's hand was still on my face as I pouted at him. Suddenly, he chuckled and tousled my hair with his other hand. "Don't pout like that." He smiled. I said nothing and attempted to stare him out. Maybe if I could convey hostility through my eyeballs instead of words, he might get the picture.

**LEVI-**

Jesus, they were pratting about like a love-struck couple. She'd refused his jacket and now he had his hand on her cheek, leaning ever closer to her face. I could barely hear them, but suddenly Lena snapped-

"I'm fine!" She pouted furiously. I raised an eyebrow. Her pout was hardly intimidating; she always looked like an angry kitten. It was an expression you couldn't take seriously, especially with how her nose crumpled unattractively as she glared. Guthrie laughed softly and deeply.

"Don't pout like that."

Lena didn't reply, glaring at him as if to ward him off. Unfortunately, if she thought this was intimidating she was seriously wrong. Lena had always had beautiful eyes and the more emotion she poured into them, the more intoxicating they were. The way she was glaring actually emphasised how her pupils were dilated in the darkness and the remnants of sunlight splashed a mirror of silver across her irises. Out of the corner of my vision, I saw Kurt begin to grin with amusement. He could sense something coming too.

Sure enough, Guthrie leant forward and ki-

Kissed her.

For a second, she was too shocked to react. Then, she exploded and pushed him away violently with her good arm. He was put off balance and fell backwards as she moved away from him. "S-Sorry!" He quickly apologised, eyes wide with shock. "I'm sorry."  
"I only want to be friends!" She yelled, wiping her mouth frantically.

"I know, I... I'll go." He turned away and walked back with his shoulders down. For a second, he stopped and span around again. "I am so sorry. It won't happen again." Lena didn't reply but watched him walk away.

"Levi, do you remember the way down?" Kurt jumped to his feet and asked me. I was surprised, but nodded. "Then don't go back too late. I'll leave Lena in your hands."

"I'm going too." Hanji stood. Kurt chased after Guthrie and Hanji patted me on the back as she went past. Soon, we were alone and I was searching for the right words.

"Oi, brat. Are you okay?"

"Fine." She muttered.

"So he... likes you then?"

"Unfortunately."

"And you don't like him?"  
"I like him as a friend. To be honest, his feelings are burdensome."

"I see."

It fell quiet between us as she hid her face in her knees. From where I was sat, I could see her lips... those stained lips... Lips that _he _had kissed. A shiver of disgust crept up my spine. Was I jealous?...

"No. I'm not." I muttered to myself, standing and striding over to her. She looked up slightly as I crouched before her. "I'm not jealous." I said.

"I didn't ask if you were?"

"I'm not jealous, I'm pissed." She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't like other people touching my things." I narrowed my eyes and took her chin in my fingers, roughly slamming my lips onto hers and kissing her. Kissing her. Kissing. Her.

"Levi, wha-" She came up for breath but I overpowered her, pushing my lips onto hers and forcing her mouth open. My hand found it's way into her hair, smoothing out what_ he_ had tangled. Then, I was grasping desperately at the material on her shirt, pulling her into me. She stopped protesting and let me; I felt her relax. Finally, I moved away and gazed into her eyes- they were only centimetres from my own. We were so close it was making my vision blur and my eyes hurt; so close that I could feel her warm breath dancing down my neck in the cool evening air; so close that I could hear her heart pounding wildly, like an animal in her chest... Or was that my heart?

"What are you doing, Levi?" She asked quietly.

"Disinfecting you."

…

**AN: I am openly disappointed with this chapter, which is why it is so long (an attempt to make up for it haha). Therefore, bear with me and hopefully future ones will be better... Though you may have to wait. I have twenty official exams between May and the end of June... Then- PARTY TIME! **

**So whilst I make sure I have a future, hang in there. And thanks for all your amazing support! Like some people have already, feel free to PM me and I will reply. I read all your reviews and I would reply to them all, but if I did that the AN.s would be longer than the chapters haha * cries * …**

**I've got EXO's Overdose and Block B's NalinA in my head... circling... circling... I may be overdosing on KPOP recently. **

**Oh, and I thought I'd just take the opportunity say how we all need to take a moment for those in the Korean crisis and pray for their families... These type of things should not happen and two in such a short amount of time is horrific. Stay strong!**

**Until the next update!**


End file.
